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Nine Actions for When Someone Pushes Your Buttons

We have all had the experience of having our proverbial buttons pushed. For some of us, it happens more often than for others. The trigger can be something someone says or does, a situation or problem we face, or even a painful or embarrassing memory that suddenly pops into our consciousness. What we experience may be the result of something unintentional or happenstance, or it may be purposeful action of someone to distract us or create a reaction.

Occasionally, something completely new and unexpected is the culprit that pushes our reactive “button,” but more often, what we experience is part of a pattern or relates to a topic or situation that has bedeviled or greatly bothered us before. Of course, there are many stimuli that hold the potential to generate a negative or unsettling reaction. What is more important is that we understand and have strategies for managing situations in which we find ourselves becoming uncomfortable, angry, or otherwise off balance in response to what we hear or experience.

The next time you feel your buttons being pushed, consider these strategies in response:

Take a breath. Give yourself a few seconds to gain control of your emotions. Creating space between what is happening and your response can provide an opportunity to decide your best action, rather than “taking the bait.”

Stay calm. Immediately pushing back or responding in kind can needlessly escalate the situation. Your composure positions you to choose what to do next rather than concede control to the other person or circumstance.

Ask a question. A question can help to clarify the statement, question, or situation. Often what we initially interpret as negative, accusatory, or demeaning may not be what we assume. A clarifying question can also help us to reflect on a situation or offer the other person an opportunity to backtrack or clarify their intent.

Acknowledge your feelings. Anger, confusion, or other reactive feelings are natural responses. However, being aware of how you are feeling, without judging, can help to frame a more measured and thoughtful response.

Own your feelings. Use “I” statements to express how the statement or situation is affecting you. This way, you can resist placing blame or making accusations. Explaining and owning how you feel is an honest response and creates an opportunity to clarify intentions or revise a message.

Reframe the situation. Rather than going with your initial interpretation, be curious about what was said or how the situation appears. Look for an opportunity to see the situation differently and create a more confident and comfortable path forward. What was intended is less important than the meaning you assign to what happened or was said.

Look for solutions. If what stimulated your reaction was a memory or situation, consider how you might reduce its power and avoid reacting emotionally. These situations have meaning, and understanding their power can provide hints for managing the impact. If the stimulus is the words or actions of others, explore whether you can reach an agreement or understanding to avoid repetition, or at least establish boundaries regarding behavior that you find unacceptable.

Consider whether to walk away. If the conversation becomes too heated or is becoming unproductive, the best strategy may be to create some distance, either by agreeing to drop the subject for now, or physically walking away for the moment and revisiting the conversation later.

Decide what can be learned. Once the situation has passed and you can think calmly, reflect on what happened, why it mattered to you, and how you might engage differently in the future. Almost certainly, you will face similar challenges in the future. Learning what you can and planning how best to respond can be well-spent time.

Having our buttons pushed is not typically a comfortable sensation. What someone says or does can lead us to feel disrespected or manipulated. When what grabs our attention is a situation or memory, we can feel caught and bewildered. Yet, all these situations carry messages for us to heed, learn from, and plan to manage in the future.

Ten Ways to Increase Students’ Ability to Focus

In Your Corner, Student Learning

November 07, 2024

Ten Ways to Increase Students’ Ability to Focus

The absence of students’ ability to focus is a significant and growing learning challenge. In fact, a study released this summer by the National Center for Educational Statistics (NCES) found that 75% of school leaders named students’ lack of focus as having a significant negative impact on learning. While the pandemic has certainly contributed to this condition, lack of focus has been a growing cause of learning struggles for the past several decades.

At the core of the problem is an increasing overload of information bombarding our brains. The fact is that our brains are wired for a slower pace and much lighter information load. Consider that today’s Americans absorb more than five times the amount of information than was common in the 1980s.

When our brains become overloaded, we have a more difficult time deciding what information is important, processing it, and storing it in memory. We lack the time, energy, and focus to sort and manage what is and is not relevant and use it to perform tasks.

We might think of the ability to focus and concentrate as one of today’s super skills. Because it is not a skill that is widely possessed, we cannot take it for granted. We need to monitor and manage the amount of information and other stimuli presented to students as they learn to help them to remain focused. We also need to teach, coach, and reinforce the skill of focusing to increase our students’ capacity. Here are ten steps to get started.

We need to reduce and manage distractions in the environment. Bulletin boards, posters, and other decorations should be limited in number, size, and amount of content. We can design handouts and other material to be visually clean and distraction free. Games, puzzles, and other attractive distractions might be covered or placed out of the view of students as they are learning. We also need to pay attention to seating arrangements; for example, we should place students who are easily distracted in positions that minimize visual and auditory temptations. Further, we can monitor background noise and optimize natural lighting.

We can limit the length, number, and complexity of instructions. Students can easily lose focus when we present too much information and too many instructions at once. We might limit our direction to one or two steps until students are ready for more guidance.

We might break complex and multi-step activities into manageable parts (called “chunking”). Like with instructions, students are best able to function when they can easily hold in their minds the actions and steps they need to take. Over time, we might expand the number of steps and increase complexity as our students’ ability to manage them grows.

We can schedule frequent mental and physical breaks. When we give students timely opportunities to stand, move, twist, and stretch, they can release tension and renew their energy. Meanwhile, breaks also give students time to reflect and process what they are learning, even when they are not consciously trying to do so. These so-called “brain breaks” can be important contributors to learning.

We might design lessons to feature multi-sensory experiences. Presenting variety among visual, auditory, tactile, and kinesthetic input can provide variance and novelty to the learning experience and support students to stay focused. A brief verbal explanation followed by visual support and reinforced through physical movement or handling an object can be a good way to extend students’ focus. Meanwhile, we will be expanding students’ exposure to different learning approaches and processing that can extend and increase their ability to focus.

We can design game-based learning activities that build memory and encourage students to concentrate. The process of memorizing can help students to focus. The experience of concentrating is closely related to focusing. While we need to be intentional about connecting what students are memorizing to the learning context and key concepts, these activities can help to build focusing skills.

We might limit our movement while instructing. Certainly, moving around the room to monitor student work and provide individual or small-group coaching can be an effective way to discern if students understand and are able to apply what they are learning. However, during direct or explicit instruction, limiting our movement can reduce distractions and reduce temptations for students to lose focus and engage elsewhere.

We need to monitor and adjust our instructional pace. Among the most frequent causes of loss of focus is a mismatch between information input and processing rate. Going too slow invites students to substitute other thoughts and actions for intended learning, while going too fast may leave students behind and lead to their engagement in off-task activities. Checking in with students frequently can help us to monitor and adjust our pace in response to our students’ learning readiness. Making students aware of the impact of the pace of learning can also help them to monitor and signal their need for adjustment.

We might vary the learning context. We should give students opportunities to work in pairs, learn in small groups, and engage in individual reflection. We also might shift the physical location and configuration of learning, such as rearranging the learning space to create novelty, interest, and curiosity. However, we need to monitor student behavior to ensure that the unfamiliarity we create does not result in loss of focus.

We can explicitly teach attending behaviors and give students opportunities to practice them. We might point out that focusing typically involves authentic eye contact, making thinking connections, and resisting mental distractions. Once they are clear on the concept and behavior, we can coach students to practice focusing as we introduce new content or as they encounter unfamiliar concepts.

The ability to focus is the gateway to learning, especially when learning is complex and challenging. We need to do all that we can to create conditions that support students to focus as they learn. We also need to teach them the skill of focusing so they become increasingly skilled and independent learners.

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