The Master Teacher Blog

Education is serious work, but it does not have to be humorless. In fact, humor and its companion—laughter—can be powerful tools for leading a school staff, an instructional team or task force, a group of colleagues, or class of students.

What makes humor so powerful? When we laugh, we activate dopamine, a feel-good brain chemical. Dopamine can stimulate learning and extend recall. Dopamine is self-reinforcing. It leaves us wanting more; thus, it builds engagement. Further, dopamine fosters connections when it is part of shared experiences. Laughter also can be a signal that we are in a safe place and can be ourselves. Humor can lighten the mood and the load. It can lessen feelings of stress and stimulate creativity.

Some of us might think that we are not naturally funny. However, finding humor does not mean that we must be a comedian. In fact, laughter can come from many sources. We can start by not taking ourselves too seriously. We also need to be open to seeing and enjoying humor when it reveals itself. Here are five places where we can find and generate a smile, a chuckle, a full-blown belly laugh, or maybe just an appreciative eye roll:

• Tap low risk sources of humor such as cartoons, jokes, and funny stories. The combination of what we find humorous and what we know about our audience— whether staff or students—can be our guide. It is often best to search for humor that relates to the work we are doing or the learning we are nurturing. Not being the original source of humor does not mean it is less effective.
• Share short videos or clips. We can look for content related to a topic, challenge, or goal that also features a humorous approach. A brief, appropriate video clip can stimulate interest and spark ideas while also lightening the atmosphere and creating a readiness for what lies ahead.
• Share our experiences, missteps, misunderstandings, and foibles. Self-effacing stories and reflections can break tension and lighten the mood. Our willingness to share something about ourselves can make us more relatable and allow others to relax and be themselves.
• Recognize, pause, and enjoy the unexpected and ironic things that happen or are said. Finding something funny in real time can make work more enjoyable and learning more meaningful. A statement of the obvious, a surprising insight that explains, or an unintended pun can be the stimulus for new ideas, launch a new line of thinking, or open the door to new learning.
• Delegate the search for humor to a team member or student. As noted earlier, we do not always have to be the source of humor. We might ask a particularly funny team member or creative student to come up with a joke or story to kick off a meeting or class. However, we may need to provide some guidance and boundaries to avoid misapplication of the assignment.

Like any powerful tool, humor must be handled with care and utilized with thought and purpose. When employing humor, we do well to:

• Consider the context
• Think of the impact
• Stay away from stereotypes
• Avoid embarrassing or humiliating anyone
• Stay away from off-color innuendos or double meanings

Humor, when used with care and discretion, can add an important dimension to our leadership and assist with learning. We can introduce levity, lessen stress, and create community through the humor we borrow, create, and recognize.  

We want to stay focused, in control, and continue to move forward regardless of what each day might bring. Yet, consider the typical day in a classroom. Distractions, disruptions, and detours can come at us in a hurry. The press and stress of these situations can lead us to forget or overlook some of the most effective responses, redirections, and rerouting that can keep the class and learning on track.

The good news is that often a few short phrases and quick reminders can help us to remain in control and move forward despite the pace and chaos of the day. Here are seven pieces of time-tested, sage advice that we can tap and apply to avoid losing focus or momentum.

Seek to connect before trying to correct. Students want to know that we care before they are ready to listen and follow our guidance and direction. If we want students to respond to our corrections, we need to start by establishing connections. The truth is that our effectiveness in redirecting students is more likely to depend on our relationship than the technique we apply to correct their behavior.

Be curious, not furious. Students occasionally will do things that distract and disturb us. Our first reaction can be to become angry and upset. Yet, the truth is that student behavior is driven by purpose. They do things for a reason. If we allow ourselves to react based on how we feel, we risk missing what lies behind student actions and decisions. Doing so can make the situation worse, or lead to having to backtrack once we learn the full story. Rather than allowing our emotions to take over, we do better to inquire, listen, and understand before deciding how to respond.

Give the benefit of the doubt. We may be confused or disappointed by an action a student takes or choice they make. Our first reaction might be to be frustrated and accusatory, especially if the student has a history of poor judgement or misbehavior. However, doing so can lead us to assume the worst and draw negative conclusions about the situation before we fully understand. Consequently, we may miss an opportunity to support, trust, and teach. We may even find ourselves having to apologize for jumping to a negative conclusion, saying something, or acting in a way we later regret. On the other hand, when we assume that students act based on positive intent, we rarely find ourselves regretting our actions or having to apologize. 

Don’t confuse students with their behavior. Students can do amazingly frustrating and disappointing things. They can “push our buttons” in ingenious ways. Yet, we need to remember that students’ actions and their identities are not the same. Behaviors are choices students make. They can learn and grow from their mistakes. We need to value students for who they are, not what they have done.   

Think and respond, not trigger and react. In the heat of the moment, we can find ourselves susceptible to emotional triggers. We can react to situations without thinking. We might even feel as though a student’s behavior made us do what we did. Unfortunately, our reaction often leads to regret. In truth, there exists a crucial gap between a student’s action and our response. We can choose to pause, think, and choose before we act. This split-second decision gives us the power to control our behavior and respond with better judgement and a more effective response.

De-escalate before trying to educate. Hearing and responding effectively is especially difficult when emotions are high. Trying to modify behavior or teach a lesson when students are upset or agitated usually is futile. In fact, it can escalate the situation. A calm voice, offering supportive choices, and relaxed demeanor usually will be more effective in the moment. Once the student has had some time to calm down, discussion about what happened, what needs to be learned, and planning for the future will be better received and more effective.

Leverage expectations to lift performance. It has been said that we get what we expect. While holding high expectations of our students does not always mean that everyone will immediately respond by accelerating their learning and achieving complete success, our belief that students can learn, grow, and improve makes a difference. Decades of research demonstrate that what teachers believe about the learning potential of their students has an impact on how they perform. We may wonder if there is a danger of expecting too much. Yet rarely is this a problem. In fact, the consequences of expecting too little are far more worrisome.

If some of these points resonate with you and you want to remember them when experiencing behavior challenges in the classroom, consider putting them on sticky notes and placing them in prominent places as reminders. Alternatively, some of these insights can be good mantras to repeat and reflect on as you prepare for a day that you expect to be especially challenging. Of course, some or all these nuggets may already be part of your daily routine. If so, keep up the good work.

When students trust us and see us as a safe and supportive adult in their lives, they often come to us to help them find their way through difficult, emotionally laden, complex life challenges. While we should feel honored that our students value our relationship and judgment, we need to recognize that these can be high-stakes conversations. How we respond, what we say, and the counsel we offer all deserve careful consideration.

We need to convey empathy, sensitivity, clarity, and compassion. Yet, when emotions are high, we can overstep, undermine, and alienate the student without intending or, in some cases, realizing what we have done. We can forget that the goal is to help the student find their way, not take over and solve the situation for them. With this reality in mind, here are five “do's” and five “don’ts” for engaging in high-stakes conversations with students.

Do:

• Validate the student’s feelings. We might say something like, “I can see that you are really upset” or “This seems very important to you.” We might assure the student that it is okay to feel bad, disappointed, or angry. We may not understand the full extent of their feelings, but we can acknowledge and respect their presence.
• Stay fully present. Students can sense when we are distracted, impatient, or in a hurry. When this happens, students are likely to shut down and abandon the conversation. Eye contact, open body position, leaning in, and other supportive nonverbal behaviors can encourage students to trust and be open with us. Students want assurance that we care.
• Listen carefully and actively. Careful listening includes attempting to hear what is not said as well as what is. Head nodding, verbally feeding back what we are hearing, and confirming our understanding reassures students and encourages them to say what is truly on their mind.
• Keep questions open and neutral. Our questions need to help the student reflect and share. Questions that sound accusatory or blaming can shut down the conversation and leave the student feeling as though we are not supportive and interested in helping them find their way through what they are feeling and experiencing.
• Be supportive. It is best to ask what we can do to be supportive. The best support is likely to be what the student wants and needs, not what we assume will be helpful. We can’t assume that what would work for us is what will be best for the student. If the student is not sure what they need or what to do, we might offer to work with them to figure out the best solution.

Don’t:

• Make unfounded assumptions. We may think that we know more than we do. Assuming something that is not true or jumping to premature conclusions can make the situation worse and alienate the student at a time when they desperately need us. Similarly, it is risky to assume that what would work for us in similar circumstances is what would be best for the student.
• Compare the student’s situation with others. It may be true that other students appear to face greater challenges or more difficult circumstances. However, making comparisons usually is not welcome or helpful. What seems a reasonable comparison to us may feel wildly disconnected from the perspective of the student.
• Downplay the gravity of the situation. What seems a minor problem and temporary setback to us may feel huge to the student. We need to resist being dismissive, even if the situation sounds blown out of proportion. Similarly, we need to refrain from making judgements based on our own experiences or estimate of the size of the problem. To the student, the situation is troubling and that is enough. 
• Give advice without permission. The student may just want to be heard. Talking through emotional situations and hearing themselves describe what they are feeling may be all that they need. If we have advice to offer, we might ask the student if they would like advice. Importantly, if the student says “no,” we need to let it go.
• Rush the conversation or solutions. We may be in a hurry and want to “cut to the chase.” If we do not have time for the conversation, we might suggest a time when we can give our full attention rather than press forward when we feel urgency and can’t give our full attention. Similarly, we may see what seems like a good solution and try to sell it before the student is ready. What is most important is that the student is ready for resolution or deciding next steps. We need to be patient and supportive until the student is ready.

As much as we sometimes want to take control and tell students what they should do when they face a difficult challenge, it usually is best to position ourselves as coaches, reflectors, and supportive advocates. These can be important, informal learning opportunities for our students. We want them to build the confidence and skills to manage the current circumstance and be ready for other challenges that may lie ahead. 

We dedicate significant time and energy to preparation for the start of a new school year. Our attention is focused on arranging materials and equipment, learning everything we can about our students, setting the stage for the first several days, and hoping that all will go well. Predictably, not everything goes as planned. There are pleasant surprises, some unexpected challenges, and other “wrinkles” in our plans and expectations with which we need to deal.

As we move beyond the initial phase of structuring, expectation setting, and getting to know our students, our attention shifts to how well our early efforts are taking hold and our students are responding, and whether we are on track for sustainable success. Of course, we probably have a sense for how things are going, but it can also be helpful to have some signs and signals to monitor and assess our progress. Here are seven indicators we can consider.

Students greet us easily and positively as they enter the classroom. Eye contact, smiles, and verbal greetings are signs that students are comfortable with us, and positive relationships are forming. Of course, we need to be positioned to have them comfortably encounter us by standing at the door, greeting students by name, or otherwise positioning ourselves to welcome students.

Students are following established routines and transitions are smooth. It is a good sign if we are spending less time managing behavior and more time is available for instruction, discussion, reflection, and practice. Of course, behavior management will always be necessary. It is the gradual shift in balance that is important to monitor.

Students remind each other of classroom rules, expectations, and routines. Once students understand and are confident in what is expected of them and their behavior, they can be quick to notice when other students ignore or do not follow established norms. This behavior can be a sign that students are no longer relying entirely on us to enforce expectations and classroom culture is forming.

Students are active participants in class discussions and activities. As students become more comfortable and confident, they are more likely to ask questions and seek help when necessary. We can also monitor the levels of enthusiasm and engagement students show during activities.

Students are connecting with classmates. Obviously, some students will have existing friendships and students may be making new friends. Our attention needs to extend to whether we see obvious cliques forming, conflicts emerging, or efforts to exclude classmates.

Students generally submit assignments and complete tasks on time. Our monitoring might focus on whether students are giving adequate attention to detail and are striving to produce quality work. When students are demonstrating good work habits, time management, and organizational skills, the stage is set for a successful year.

Students seem willing to take learning risks, tolerate mistakes, and accept feedback. As the cadence of the school year settles in, we can begin to observe how students see themselves as learners. Confident learners are more likely to accept risks and mistakes as part of the learning process, while uncertain and reluctant learners are more likely to avoid risks and see mistakes as evidence of their lack of ability. How well students accept and use feedback can be a key indicator of how well students see themselves and are likely to grow as learners. 

A good start to the school year makes the remainder of the term or year better. Continuing to build and sustain momentum is much easier than trying to establish connections, create focus, and build culture once negative patterns are set.

A final thought: If you are part of a co-teaching or other type of instructional team, it is important to set consistent expectations and provide consistent responses when students need reminding and redirection. If adults are not on the same page, students will quickly notice, and some may choose to exploit the situation to our detriment.

We want students to be recognized and reinforced when they do a good job. We want them to feel good about what they have accomplished. We also want them to be motivated to replicate their success with future challenges and in other circumstances. Achieving this goal requires more than general praise and positive words. 

Students need to feel they own their successes. They must see their accomplishments as more than luck or good fortune. The more students understand how their actions led to their success, the better able they will be able to apply effective strategies and the more confidence they likely will have when approaching new challenges.

Consequently, the words and approaches we select must convey a multi-level message beyond, “Good job.” What we choose to say needs to reveal key elements that are within the student’s control and offer enough clarity and specificity for them to reflect, learn, and act on what they hear.

Here are eight ways we can send the message that what the student did was good, how they can own their behavior, and how they can use what they have done to do even better in the future:

• Choose a context that is comfortable for the student. Some students thrive when their efforts and accomplishments are shared in front of an audience. Other students will feel embarrassed to have others witness our feedback and prefer to receive praise privately. Tailoring our approach to the student can make a significant difference in how they will respond and use what we offer.
• Focus on the student, not your feelings. After the student talks about what they did, how they feel, and what it means, we can follow-up with expressions of pride and delight. However, the focus needs to be on the student, not on how it makes us feel.
• Highlight what the student did, not their ability or talent. Effort, persistence, flexibility, creativity, and other behaviors are within the control of the student. They can be replicated and built on. Talent, ability, and giftedness may be nice to have, but students are likely to see them as inherent qualities over which they have little control and may not be present when facing the next task or challenge.
• Be specific. Point out the behavior or behaviors that led to the achievement. Highlighting strategies, persistence, and good use of resources helps students to know what they can do next time to achieve similar results.
• Be timely. Praise and other forms of feedback that make a difference need to be shared as soon after a student engages in a behavior, completes a task, overcomes a challenge, or achieves success. The longer we wait to share our observations, the less students will recall about what they did and the less likely our message will lead to repetition of the behavior.
• Point out evidence of progress. Noting signs of emerging skills, improving habits, and better processes can give students information on areas they can reflect on and focus. Seeing evidence of progress also can be a powerful motivator to keep going.
• Link effort to outcome. Students do not always see how what they did led to the outcome they achieved. Our pointing out key connections and providing examples from their work can help students to see that they were responsible for what they achieved. The connection between effort and outcome can be a powerful motivator for future behavior.
• Connect performance to purpose. The connection might be to an established goal, benefit to the student or others, or the classroom environment. Understanding that their work matters and makes a difference can give students strong encouragement to do more.

Praise and other forms of positive feedback can be powerful motivators. However, students need to see how their behavior led to their improvement or success. They need to feel ownership for the outcomes they achieve. And they need to hear it from us.

What if, by investing a few minutes each day, you could significantly reduce disruptive behavior, increase student engagement, and reclaim up to an hour of instruction time? What if, by investing a few minutes each day, you could dramatically lengthen and strengthen the impact of the feedback and praise you give to students, and build exceptionally strong connections with them to best support their learning? Seems impossible, right? Maybe not.

The truth is that we can gain all these benefits and more by regularly engaging in five simple practices. These practices do not require an exceptional amount of time, but they can generate exceptional benefits. Let’s explore these student-focused behaviors and why they can be so powerful. 

Positive, personal greetings. Meeting students at the door, greeting them by name, and giving fist bumps or similar gestures may not seem like much. However, studies show that warm greetings and brief check-ins can have a significant impact on how the day will go. One study found that these simple acts can increase student engagement by as much as 20% and reduce disruptive behavior by 9%. The difference can add up to as much as a full hour of additional instruction time per day!

Positive, specific feedback, compliments, and praise. Noticing and talking with students about their excellent attitude, improved effort, and other positive behaviors lets them know that they are seen, valued, and belong. We can make our messages even more powerful and memorable if we extend our message for as little as 20 seconds. By telling students what we noticed, why it is important, and the difference it made, we dramatically increase the impact and memorability of what we say.

Personal connections. There is amazing power in sharing what we are passionate about, people we admire, challenges we’ve faced, embarrassing moments, and other personal information that helps students understand and connect with who we are. Having students see us as regular people who share some of their life experiences and have overcome what life has presented can be a powerful connector. Of course, we need to avoid oversharing or being too personal or intimate but having students feel as though the know us beyond our professional role opens the door to stronger relationships and can build greater credibility. Sharing a few facts, stories, or interests every week can go a long way in building the connections we need to influence the students we teach. 

Individual conversations. Brief one-one-one conversations with students about how they are doing inside and outside of school also can open communication and build connections. The information we gain can help us to better understand, support, and motivate students. Meanwhile, students will appreciate the attention and interest we show. Setting aside time for conversations with a few students each week and rotating among students can make the conversations manageable while generating rich information that can help us to relate to and teach students.  

Invite input and listen to students. Students feel our trust and respect when we take the time to ask their opinions, seek their ideas, and listen to their perspectives. We might ask for their suggestions regarding class routines and rules. We can occasionally pause and seek input regarding what is and isn’t working for students. Depending on the age and maturity of our students, we might inquire about their preferences for how to approach a learning task. We may not always be able to accommodate and implement what students suggest, but when we listen, consider, and explain why we can or cannot use their input we demonstrate our respect for them and their perspectives.

Obviously, time is a precious resource. We want to use every minute to our advantage. The good news about these five practices is that by investing a few minutes every day and week, we can recapture time and accrue benefits that far outweigh the effort they require.

One of the most important and challenging beginning-of-the-year tasks is forming strong, positive, influential relationships with students. Building relationships with some students comes easily. We may have past experiences with them, they may be confident and ready to form a relationship with us, or they may share characteristics and behave in ways that draw us to them.

However, our challenge is to form influential relationships with all students. Not every student is immediately open to forming a relationship. Some students may lack the confidence or skills to respond to or reach out to us. Other students may have a history that makes relationship building difficult.

Consequently, we need a strategy that is broad and encompassing enough to invite, interest, and accept students, despite their backgrounds, experiences, and skills. Here are seven relationship-building “hooks” we can employ to communicate our care, demonstrate our respect, and create new connections.

First, lead with your heart. Students want to know we care. Caring counts for all students, but for students who struggle, have or are experiencing trauma, lack confidence, or are not certain they belong, our caring can make a crucial difference in how they feel and learn. Our empathy and compassion reassure and invite connections with students.

Second, demonstrate and expect honesty. If we want students to trust us, we need to articulate and model its importance. Our willingness to prioritize fairness, consistency, and transparency can assure students of our trustworthiness. Further, when we assume the honesty of students, we communicate our trust in them. Obviously, trust is at the heart of strong relationships.    

Third, consistently communicate and encourage hope. Students want to feel our belief in them and their success. We can treat their mistakes and setbacks as nothing more that temporary conditions and opportunities to learn and try again. Of course, our hope and confidence are most important when students do not feel the same way about themselves.   

Fourth, show your humanity. Sometimes students are surprised that teachers are real people who have lives outside of school. By sharing appropriate information about ourselves and our families, we invite students to understand and relate to us. Knowing our interests, our passions, and even our dislikes can be interesting and appealing to students. When we use personal experiences and examples to explain a concept or reinforce a point, we also make it more meaningful and memorable.  

Fifth, demonstrate humility. We are not­­­­­—nor should we pretend to be—perfect. Students often assume that teachers “know everything.” Consequently, our openness and willingness to admit our mistakes and learn from them can be surprising and reassuring. Our humility also makes us human and can facilitate relationship building.

Sixth, enjoy and share humor. Humor is a strong connection builder. Humor can break tension, relieve stress, and make us accessible to students. Delighting in the unexpected, appreciating irony, and even telling a weak “dad joke” can help students see us as safe for relationship building. However, we need to be careful to avoid humor that is disrespectful or at the expense of another person.

Seventh, look for ways to honor students. When we notice and value the experiences and cultures of our students, we send a message of respect. Recognizing and reinforcing positive behavior not only reduces incidents of negative behavior, but it also reassures students that we are paying attention and appreciate their cooperation. Finding frequent, small ways to honor effort, progress, and achievements communicates our expectations and support. Students are drawn to people who notice, value, and respect them.

Relationship building is important, but it is not always easy. We need good strategies and patience. These seven “hooks” can support a good start. What else have you found to be effective relationship building actions? Consider sharing your go-to secrets with your colleagues.   

In the coming weeks we will be meeting new groups of students. They will be making assumptions about us that will influence their behavior. We, too, may make assumptions about the students we meet that will influence how we perceive and engage with them.

While impressions and assumptions can create short-cuts for our thinking and decisions, they also can undermine our efforts to engineer a good start to the year and derail our attempts to form productive relationships with students. While quick judgments can feel efficient, they can mislead us in ways that threaten our effectiveness and make the success we seek more difficult to achieve. Consider these five potential missteps that can make our work more challenging and our students less successful.

Misstep #1: Assuming students have the skills and background knowledge presumed by the curriculum. It may be that the students we face in the fall did not complete last year’s curriculum or develop the skills necessary to succeed with this year’s curriculum. Or, they may have lost some of last year’s learning over the summer and need review and reteaching. We gain little by plowing ahead as though students are ready for learning challenges based on faulty assumptions. By setting aside time in the first weeks for some low-stakes assessments and diagnostics, we can gauge background knowledge and skill readiness. Time spent now preparing students for the learning that lies ahead can generate lasting benefits as the year unfolds.

Misstep #2: Presuming language skills reflect intelligence. The poor grammar we hear may reflect an absence of exposure and support. A student’s dialect may be more reflective of how family and friends speak than the capability of the student. Accents are more reflective of culture and language acquisition than learning potential. Meanwhile, students who seem well spoken may struggle with some content and skills and need more time and support to find success. Our challenge is to look past how students speak and commit to helping them learn and succeed regardless of their background and current language skills.

Misstep #3: Overinterpreting the absence of active engagement. The absence of student contributions, questions, or other interactions can be the result of many factors. Culture, natural shyness, and fear of mistakes can influence the choices students make about visible learning engagement. Some students need to feel comfortable and safe with us before they choose to engage. Other students may need more time to think and may seek ways to avoid the risk of public exposure. Still other students may need to see more purpose and relevance in what they are asked to learn before they are willing to invest. Taking time to get to know students and explore the causes of their behavior can help us to understand and respond in supportive and effective ways.

Misstep #4: Confusing students with their behavior. It is important to distinguish between our perceptions of students and their behavior. Character and behavior are not the same. A student who misbehaves or is not meeting expectations is not a bad person. Rather, their behavior may not be serving them well. We can accept and support the student while rejecting their behavior. We also need to keep in mind that our assumptions, expectations, and support can have a powerful influence on how students behave and whether they achieve.

Misstep #5: Allowing the behavior of siblings or past reputations to influence our expectations. Many of us have had the unfortunate experience of being confused with or assumed to be the same as our siblings. It may be that older brothers or sisters were exceptionally strong students, or they may have not established a behavior record worthy of emulation. Regardless, such expectations are unfair and can lead to unrealistic or undeserved expectations. Similarly, students who have struggled in the past with other teachers may not necessarily struggle with us. They may find success if given an opportunity for a new start. Meanwhile, students who have excelled in the past may find learning in our classroom more of a challenge. We can avoid this danger by offering students a “clean slate” and building a relationship with them based on shared experiences.  

Without question, the first weeks of school will be filled with new experiences, new students, and new challenges. These are aspects of teaching that make it an exciting, self-renewing career. However, we need to guard against making assumptions that do not serve us and our students well, and that can derail our efforts to successfully launch the new year.

As human beings, we often internalize how we are treated, and our students are no exception. While the intensity with which students seek evidence and reassurance of our relationship with them may vary, all students want to know that they matter to us, that we are attentive to their needs, and that we want them to succeed. Even students who may seem to resist our influence and reject our guidance want to be connected and included. These students may be carrying negative past experiences that make it more difficult to make connections and gain trust with adults in their life. It is crucial to not give up on making these connections and continue attempting to forge a relationship with these students, even when it doesn’t seem possible.

It is also true that much of what we communicate to students about our feelings toward and perceptions of them are not scripted and often are not even consciously demonstrated. Yet, students watch, feel, analyze, and interpret our words and actions to discern where they can find reassurance, protection, and connectedness. Let’s examine eight ways that we communicate to students what they mean to us, what we think about them, and what our actions and intentions say to them:

• Noticing. A greeting at the school or classroom door, an authentic and personal smile, or fist bump can send an unmistakable message that students are noticed and they count. These seemingly small gestures can have an outsized impact on how students feel about us and about themselves.
• Respect. Regularly calling students by name, listening to what they have to say, sharing their victories and empathizing with their struggles tell students that they are worthy and have our respect. When students feel respected, they are more likely to show respect in return. 
• Safety. When we establish and consistently enforce reasonable rules, refuse to tolerate hurtful teasing and harassment, and otherwise attend to students’ physical and emotional safety, we free students to be themselves. We make it safe to participate and take learning risks. When we create an environment that students feel is safe, we set the stage for everything else we want to accomplish.
• Caring. While noticing is important, caring goes the next step to inquire, listen, and act.  A question or comment when students may not be feeling well or are having a bad day, offering to do something to help, and even stepping up to advocate for a student who needs adult support can create a significant, lifelong impression on a student who feels lost and helpless.
• Belonging. When we build a classroom community, encourage respect and inclusion, and step in when students are shunned and ignored. It is important to assure students that they are welcomed and belong. Students who may lack social skills, come from backgrounds from other students, and otherwise may struggle to fit in can be especially aware to whether they have a place and feel connected to the class. These students often appreciate our attention and actions more than we know.
• Confidence. “I know you can do it”, “I have seen you find your way through difficult challenges before”, and “I believe in you” are all powerful statements when students hear them from us. Feeling our confidence can make the difference between giving up and persisting in the face of difficult learning or life challenge for students. Students do not always believe in themselves. Our confidence may be exactly what they need to feel to find their way through.
• Positive presumptions. Assuming that students are well-intended, trying to do the right thing, or simply made a poor choice when they made a mistake or behave inappropriately can send a powerful message about what we think of them and the behavior we expect from them. Giving students “the benefit of the doubt” reassures students that we view them as more likely to act positively than engage in mischief. Assuming that students are trying to meet our expectations encourages positive behavior. Assuming that students are purposely misbehaving risks encouraging them to validate our negative assumptions.
• Forgiveness. When we give students a fresh start after a bad day and avoid rehashing yesterday’s conflict or reminding students of past disappointments, we signal to students that we are focused on what today will bring. They do not have to fear retribution or uncomfortable reminders from the past. We free students to face forward and do their best without being hampered by guilt and regret.

Taken together, these eight connecting and confidence building behaviors can have a powerful impact on how our students feel and behave. However, this is not necessarily an all-inclusive list. What behaviors would you add to reassure and connect with students?