The Master Teacher Blog

Venting of emotions is much like the release valve on a pressure cooker. Without venting, our crankiness and crabbiness build, collaboration suffers, and conflicts grow more frequent and intense. Releasing frustration and emotional pressure can keep our emotions from spilling over, leading to meltdowns, and eventually burning out.

The sources of frustration, pressure, or distraction can vary. We may just be having a bad day. Someone who knows how to “push our buttons” may be pushing them. We may be struggling to implement a new classroom routine or employ a new strategy. Regardless, we need to let off some emotional steam. Holding it in may work for a while, but holding in frustration can create even more problems.

When we need to vent, it usually is best to find an opportunity and an outlet. Here are some options to consider:

• Seek out a trusted colleague, mentor, friend, or family member. Having someone who is willing to just listen can allow us to talk about what’s bothering us.
• Capture thoughts, record emotions, and explore solutions by journaling. Writing about what is bothering us can help us to think through the situation and find some release without worrying about what we have said.
• Take a walk or engage in other physical activities. Exercise can be an effective way to channel our emotions and dissipate emotional pressure.
• Engage in meditation or mindfulness activities. Calming our thoughts and consciously releasing the tension we feel can relax our minds and bodies.
• Do something creative. Tapping our creativity can release emotions without having to put them into words. Engaging in a favorite hobby, painting, or playing an instrument might be helpful. Writing poetry, a short story, or even composing a song can help us to explore and express what we are feeling.
• Find a reason to laugh. Humor can be a surprisingly effective way to release tension. Humor can also help us to gain distance from our problem and provide a less intense way to release the pressure we feel.
• Yell or scream where no one can hear you. A pillow can be a great receptacle for our verbal outbursts. Open spaces with no one around or even driving alone in a car can be a safe place to shout and release our tension and frustration.

While venting can feel good and release intense emotions, we need to observe some cautions. Here are some things to keep in mind:

• If venting to someone, we need to be sure they understand that we are venting, not trying to solve a problem.
• We need to be careful about venting to students, parents, and others about issues over which they have no control. They often do not fully understand our context and may feel awkward. We need to maintain our professionalism despite our frustration.
• It is best to avoid over-venting. Repeated venting on the same topic, or with the same person can strain relationships.
• We need to think about how our words and emotions might impact others. Becoming overly personal or accusatory based solely on emotion can create long-term damage to relationships and reputations.

Sometimes venting is enough to release emotions and let go of what is bothering us. At other times, venting might provide momentary relief, but frustrations remain. When we feel prolonged frustration, we may need to go beyond just venting. We might ask ourselves:

• What are some reasonable, realistic solutions?
• What have I tried and what else might lead to a solution?
• Who can solve the problem or change the situation?
• What would it take to make the situation better?
• Who else seems to be experiencing similar frustrations and how might we partner to find a solution?

Finally, there may be times when we find that our need to vent is constant, problems begin to feel unsolvable, or we frequently feel overwhelmed. This may be a point where we need to consult a professional who can help us to gain a better perspective, find some more effective emotional outlets, or make some changes that lead to less frustration, greater satisfaction and a happier outlook.

We typically think of resilience as finding our way through a difficult experience or time, recovering, and being able to move past the experience. We may carry some “scars” with us from the experience, but we assume that returning to where we were before is success. Yet, settling for the ability to endure and survive leaves us where we started with little benefit to show from the experience.

As unpleasant as uncertainty, challenges, and change can be, they do not have to break us or even leave us where we were before they emerged. Adversity can be an important opportunity and stimulus for growth and learning. We might look to nature to understand the benefits of approaching challenges with an adaptive mindset. We know that when we stress our muscles in strength training, we become stronger. Trees exposed to persistent, vigorous wind develop stronger, deeper root structures. The stress of forest and grass fires stimulate new plant growth. When predators are introduced to ecosystems, other animals develop greater awareness, avoidance, defense, and escape skills.

Author Nassim Nicholas Taleb in his book, Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder, describes three general response options to stress, challenge, and uncertainty:

• Fragile: Unprepared, unaware, inflexible systems and people are likely to break under stress. Rather than endure, they give in to the pressure and abandon the struggle. Adversity leaves them weaker, less able to deal with stress, and with diminished ability to confront the next challenge.
• Resilient: Strong, durable systems and people focus on managing, enduring, and surviving. Their goal is to “live to fight another day,” but not necessarily adjust or improve because of the experience. Adversity generally leaves them where they started: standing, but not stronger or wiser.
• Antifragile: Flexible, adaptive, responsive systems and people view uncertainty, adversity, and pressure as opportunities to learn, adapt, innovate, and grow. Returning to normal following challenging times is not their goal. Becoming stronger, becoming better able to adapt and adjust, and building toward new levels of skill and success are their intended “takeaways” from these experiences. 

When conditions change, new elements are introduced to our world, or new challenges emerge, we can choose to give in and abandon the struggle, endure and survive, or adapt, learn, and grow. The course we choose can have lasting effects on our personal and professional lives.

Certainly, there are times when choosing to fight is futile, or committing to hang on is the best we can do. However, the greatest upside potential lies in leveraging difficult experiences to learn, grow, adjust, and thrive. The question is: How can we make the best use of challenging experiences and emerge wiser, stronger, and ready for what lies ahead? Consider these seven strategies as places to start:

• Interrogate adversity to find lessons you can learn. The lessons you learn may not only be useful now, but they may be good preparation for the future.
• Consider the challenge as an opportunity to innovate. Now can be a time to try something new.
• Explore what beliefs or assumptions may be getting in your way or holding you back. Try flipping your perceptions about the situation and see what new insights emerge.
• Examine the strategies and approaches that appear to be working for others. They may have discovered something that will be useful to you.
• Revisit something you tried that did not work.  Often the “seeds of success” can be found in efforts and attempts that did not fully produce desired results.
• Accept that you hold the power to choose how you will respond regardless of what you face. Embrace the power you have.
• Ask yourself, “What would I do if I were not afraid?” Fear can keep us from considering options and solutions that may involve risk but also hold significant promise.

Adversity is a natural part of life. We will face it regardless of whether we choose or deserve it. The question for us is how we will respond. We can give in, tolerate, or leverage these experiences. The choice we make can make a significant difference to our confidence, sense of control, and ability to deal with what the future holds.

Resource: Taleb, N. (2012). Antifragile: Things That Gain from Disorder. Random House.

We want to see ourselves as skilled, resilient, confident professionals. Yet, a tough class, a less-than-successful initiative, or a difficult professional relationship can leave us doubting ourselves. The distraction it can cause for us is less important than how we perceive it. The danger is in the self-doubt we feel.

Self-doubt can also be sneaky. It can creep up on us when we are not expecting it. And it can stay with us longer than we would like. Over time, self-doubt can contribute to our stress, undermine our confidence, leave us feeling reluctant to take risks, and can even damage our health.

Fortunately, there are several steps and strategies we can employ to counter feelings of self-doubt and build our confidence. Consider these six attitude and action adjustments that can replace self-doubt with self-confidence.

Strive to be your best, not perfect. Perfectionism can be a trap. Trying to create flawless lesson plans, build constant student engagement, and form perfect relationships is a recipe for disappointment and doubt. We cannot control all the factors that make a perfect learning experience. On the other hand, deciding to do our best each day and remaining flexible when not everything goes as planned can help us to let go of perfection while continuing to improve and allow us to celebrate even small successes. In the words of John Steinbeck in East of Eden: “And now that you don’t have be perfect, you can be good.”

Resist comparisons to others. We may perceive some colleagues as “having it all together.” They project an attitude of confidence and control. Yet, it is likely that there are areas in which they face challenges too. Be assured that they also experience difficult days, even if we are not aware of them. Instead of making comparisons to them, we can commit to collaborate with them. While we may gain some insights and strategies from them, there are likely ideas and approaches we can share that will help them improve, too.  

Reframe negative thoughts and self-talk. What we say to ourselves can have a powerful impact. The more we tell ourselves negative things, the more we are likely to believe them. Yet, we are in control of what we say and think. Shifting negative thoughts into positive affirmations and giving ourselves the support we would want from a valued friend can shift the way we think and feel. We might tell ourselves: “I can do this,” “I have faced and overcome tough things in the past,” and “I have what it takes to succeed.”

Treat mistakes and missteps as opportunities. Dwelling on mistakes and missteps can haunt our thinking and undermine our confidence. We want students to see that mistakes play an important role in learning. The same should be true for us. We are not—nor should we expect to be—perfect. Mistakes and missteps are part of life. Mistakes may point to something we need to learn, and a misstep may be a reminder to pay closer attention. When we commit to learn and improve, we gain value from the experience, not just left with regret.

Set goals and celebrate milestones. Goals can be powerful tools for making progress and building confidence. Setting meaningful, realistic, achievable goals can help us to focus our energy and attention. Achieving even small goals can give us a sense of accomplishment. Over time, the goals we set and achieve can build our confidence and remove doubts about our ability to face and overcome difficult challenges and navigate rough spots in our professional journey.

Keep a success and gratitude journal. We can quickly forget our successes while we dwell in what went wrong. We can become preoccupied with what we don’t have while ignoring what we do. Keeping a daily journal of what we have achieved and what we are grateful for can be a great way to keep our focus on what is going right and is good. When we have a bad day or experience a setback, reading our journal can be a great way to restore our confidence and re-balance our perspective.

Self-doubt can be uncomfortable, but it doesn't have to hold us back. Pushing forward even when we have some worries and trepidation can help us focus our attention and energy. Prevailing in the face of self-doubt can help us to build the confidence and courage we may need when we face the next challenge.

We might think that changing the level of our satisfaction and success at work will require major shifts in our environment and our relationship to our role. While in some cases big changes might be necessary, there are many small things we can do that take minimal time and effort, and they can yield outsized positive results.

We might think of these activities as micro habits. Micro habits are small changes that, when practiced consistently, can lead to significant changes in how we feel and even increase our productivity. Micro habits can become part of our daily routines, so they are easy to sustain.

The right micro habits can help lower our stress, improve our cognitive processing, and lead us to feel more optimistic, satisfied, and efficient. Consider these six micro habits as places to start.

Thank or encourage at least one colleague each day. Not only will our gratitude and support brighten someone else’s day, we will feel better about ourselves. As a bonus, when we work with people who are having a good day, our own day brightens, and we feel better. Not unlike planting a garden, the seeds of care and encouragement we spread can grow into an array of good feelings, optimism and mutual support.

Praise or encourage at least one student each day. We may think that we offer support and encouragement to students, but without intention, we can form habits that focus our attention elsewhere. It can be easier to notice what students do wrong and how their behavior frustrates and distracts us. Yet, when we commit to noticing and commenting on what students are doing right, when they are working hard, and when they are persisting in the face of challenges, students feel better, their behavior improves, and they work harder. Consequently, we feel better and more successful.

Practice one-minute breaks. Admittedly, the lives of educators do not feature much time for extended breaks and relaxation. However, taking a minute to close our eyes, take a few deep breaths, and clear our minds can pay big dividends in energy, focus, and creativity. A moment of intentional break between classes or before entering the next meeting also can make a significant difference in our stress level and productivity.

Take two breaths and pause in tense situations. When we feel anxious, nervous, stressed, or angry we can react before we have time to think and decide the best thing to do or say. Consequently, we can find ourselves having to apologize, backtrack, or live with some unfortunate consequences. Simply taking a couple of breaths and pausing for a second or two can give us time to take in the situation and make a better decision about what to do next.  

Note and capture at least one win per day. Reflecting on our achievements keeps us focused on what went well, the progress we made, and what to be grateful for. Over time our list will grow, and we will be reminded of the goals we’ve achieved and the difference we make. Also, when we have a bad day or week, we can return to the list to reassure ourselves and bolster our confidence.

Implement an end-of-day routine. By taking a few minutes to put things away, review plans for tomorrow, and mentally close out the day, we can create a transition from work to personal time. The drive home can be an opportunity to think about the evening and leave work behind. Practiced regularly, shutdown routines can lower stress and improve satisfaction with our work-life balance.

While these micro habits can be helpful to our mental and emotional health, this is not an exhaustive list. What other habits have you discovered and practice that help you to feel and do better? Be sure to share them with a colleague.

When we experience positive energy emanating from others, we tend to feel happier, safer, and more relaxed. On the other hand, when we sense negative energy, we often become tense, depressed, deflated, and less secure. We are remarkably sensitive to the energy vibes we pick up from around us, and others are susceptible to ours. The influence does not always even require words; we can feel it in the atmosphere.

The energy we project and perceive in others is more than an abstract idea. It is a real, experienceable force. It is also infectious. It influences our interactions with others and their interactions with us. Energy is a source for forming relationships and it is an influence we can tap into, whether you are an administrator working with teachers and other staff, or as a teacher working with students.

Occasionally, we encounter what might be considered “energy vampires." They consistently project gloom, doom, negativity, and cynicism. They sap our energy and challenge our optimism. The key is to recognize who may be sapping our energy, leaving us depressed, and feeling pessimistic. To the extent we can, these are people to avoid or spend as little time with as practical. They are free to choose negative energy as their vibe, but we can choose not to be infected.

Of course, at times we can all feel negative. Events, experiences, and even our current mood can leave us feeling energy depleted, but it is important not to stay there. We have the power and responsibility to manage the energy we carry with us and project to others.

Beyond the role of energy in our personal and collegial relationships, it also plays an instrumental role in our effectiveness with the staff we supervise and the students we teach. Let’s examine seven connections via which our energy is communicated and influences our work with staff and students.

Inspiration. Enthusiasm matters. Students respond to teachers who are passionate and truly care about their teaching. In conjunction, teachers can sense the passion and commitment of their leadership team. This energy feeds creativity, stimulates curiosity, and stirs passion. The result often is the emergence of new possibilities and the inspiration to pursue them.

Responsiveness. Staff and students are quick to pick up on supportive, interest-infused attitudes. Our open-mindedness, desire to understand, readiness to encourage, and shared confidence communicates the respect and support they need to add fuel to their energy and reinforce their commitment.

Authenticity. Others notice when we are comfortable in our skin. When we signal that we are not perfect or all knowing, we become more human and approachable. Our willingness to share our experiences and value humor also makes us more relatable. Our authenticity draws others to us; it is reassuring and trust evoking. When we model authenticity, we also make it safe for staff and students to let go of their expectations to appear to be perfect and never make mistakes.

Empathy. Caring is a powerful source and transmitter of energy. Trust thrives in accepting, nurturing, and supportive environments. Students feel safe to express their thoughts and feelings, and staff feel respected and valued. As a result, their confidence and commitment grow.

Adaptability. We demonstrate positive energy when we look for the upside of situations without being naïve or overly optimistic. Our flexibility in the face of barriers and setbacks models resilience and agility. Our commitment to be proactive and ready to try something different communicates confidence and optimism; two energizing habits.

Consistency. Clear expectations and structure can give staff and students reassurance and reduce the energy they must spend trying to discern what is expected of them. Consistency also generates a sense of calm and predictability, a key element in sustaining energy for engagement and resilience.

Of course, there are times when we, too, want to find energy to be inspired and need to feel reassured. We may seek security and authenticity on which we can depend. The same connections and influences we often share with others can be sources of energy we can tap into to fill our needs.

This is a time of the year when educators can feel as though our energy levels have been depleted and are in need of a boost so that we can fully enjoy our summer breaks. For some of us, the school year has left us feeling utterly spent and focused only on getting through each day. As a result, we might have narrowed some of our interests and neglected activities that have excited, energized, and motivated us in the past. Or we may be looking for something to refocus, reenergize, and renew our sense of purpose and direction, especially as we look toward the summer months and hope for rejuvenation.

There is a historical figure whose approach to life can provide inspiration and guidance for living life to its fullest, staying vibrant, and being interested in the world around us: Benjamin Franklin. It must be said that there were aspects of Franklin’s life that were not admirable and are not to be emulated. Nevertheless, he was someone who fully embraced life. His contributions to science, culture, and other areas have endured. There is much we can learn from how he approached and lived his life, things that we can apply to our own lives to keep us fresh, alert, and engaged.

Richard Munson’s “Ingenious: A Biography of Benjamin Franklin, Scientist” is filled with insights and examples of what made Franklin and his life exceptional. Here are six lessons we can glean from his approach to life and the behaviors he practiced and promoted.

Benjamin Franklin was insatiably curious. Franklin had a wide variety of interests; his curiosity extended to include science, politics, literature, philosophy, history, and more. He did not fear appearing uninformed. In fact, what he did not know drove his enthusiasm for learning.

Lesson: We do not have to fear what we do not know or what people might think. Being willing to ask, explore, and experience can lead to energizing, motivating, and enlightening new insights.

Benjamin Franklin was deeply reflective. Benjamin Franklin began each day by reflecting on what he wanted to accomplish and ended the day with reflection on what he succeeded in accomplishing and what he needed to learn and improve. He believed that reflection is the key to remaining focused, moving forward, and becoming better.

Lesson: Life is a series of experiences. However, they only have an impact when we take time to reflect on and learn from them. Reflection can help us to avoid having repeated experiences that lead nowhere, and it encourages us to view every experience as an invitation to learn, grow, and move forward.

Benjamin Franklin reveled in discovery. He appreciated discovery when it was what he expected, but he delighted in discoveries that were not what he anticipated. In fact, Franklin treasured discoveries that dispelled assumptions and revealed new insights.

Lesson: Every day features activities and outcomes, some of which are planned and expected and others that are not. We might be reassured when what we expect happens, but the unexpected often reveals something worth exploring, appreciating, and treasuring. Our choice to revel in discovery can be an excellent source of inspiration and renewal.

Benjamin Franklin was a voracious learner. He was an avid reader and prolific writer. His reading included topics far afield from his formal career. Franklin understood that exposure to a variety of disciplines and perspectives broadened his understanding and grew his knowledge. His writing offered a means to process what he learned and sharpen his thinking.

Lesson: We can access information today through multiple means, but exposing ourselves to other perspectives, views, and knowledge is no less beneficial to our thinking and understanding. Similarly, we may not write letters and depend on formal communication as much as during Franklin’s lifetime, but the process of writing, through whatever means, can still solidify our thinking and keep our minds sharp.

Benjamin Franklin was a constant networker. He maintained a wide array of friends, colleagues, and contacts. His engagement with others spanned an expansive array of disciplines, expertise, and backgrounds. Franklin saw interactions with others as valuable sources for learning, discovering fresh ideas, and challenges to his thinking.

Lesson: The social networks we form can be excellent sources of information, insight, and encouragement. When our networks include people who think differently than we think, have experiences that are different than our experiences, and who bring insights and ask questions that challenge our thinking, they can be great resources for freshening our learning and sustaining our growth.

Benjamin Franklin sought balance in life. Despite the breadth of interests and involvements that filled his life, Franklin advocated for balance and moderation. Finding time for recreation and rest from work helped him to maintain his energy and remain mentally sharp.

Lesson: Life can seem to be filled with limitless expectations and demands. As a result, we can find ourselves spending a disproportionate amount to time and energy in one area while neglecting others. Unless we commit to setting boundaries, finding balance, and practicing discipline, exhaustion and frustration will be our frequent companions as we make our way through life.

Without question, life today can be challenging. However, there are elements and aspects of life that are universal and timeless. Benjamin Franklin lived in a difference century, but much of what he promoted and practiced still has value today. Our task is to learn the lessons we need to live the life we seek.

Life seems to come at us at full speed; as Ferris Bueller notably observed, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” In our day-to-day schedule, though, finding time to reflect, appreciate, and enjoy life can sometimes feel beyond our reach, yet the truth is that each of us has the same number of minutes and hours in each day. The key to finding a pace that works for us and provides time for what makes us happy, gives us comfort, and feeds our soul resides in decisions we make every day.

We can allow life to come at us at its own pace, or we can decide to exercise more control. We can react to things life throws at us without much thought, or we can respond with insight and purpose. The choice is ours.

Of course, gaining more control over our lives, finding ways to moderate the pace, and reserving time for what matters to us is not necessarily easy. It requires thoughtfulness, focus, and some discipline. However, the process can be amazingly fulfilling and meaningful. Here are eight strategies we can use to slow life down and allow us to savor more of it.

Establish reassuring routines and reinforcing rituals. We might start each day by taking a brief walk while taking note of our surroundings and appreciating nature. We may spend a few minutes stretching and loosening our muscles. We might spend some time journaling our thoughts while having a cup of tea or coffee. The key is to begin the day with a comfortable pace and thoughtful presence. Similarly, at the end of the day, we can establish quieting and relaxing routines and rituals; listening to calming music, reading a good book, or taking a relaxing bath or shower can bring the day to a peaceful close.

Engage in mini breaks and mindful minutes. We can interrupt the pace of hectic days by consciously stepping back for even a few minutes to close our eyes, calm our minds, and give our brains a rest. These mini breaks can also be times when we practice mindfulness activities such as breathing deeply, choosing calming thoughts, and centering our attention on the moment. Even a minute or two spent during transitions can help us to slow down and connect to our feelings and surroundings. As a result, our stress can ebb, and our productivity can surge.

Slow your speed and take your time. As simple as it may seem, consciously slowing our walking pace, moderating the tempo of our speech, and even driving at a more leisurely pace can help us to feel calm and more deliberate in our thoughts and actions. Similarly, we can resist multitasking and, instead, focus on what we are currently doing while savoring the moment. Meanwhile, we will make fewer mistakes and get more accomplished.

Take time away from the tension of technology. We might designate times when we will unplug from notifications, alarms, and screens. For example, we might choose to unplug during meals, while driving to and from work, an hour before bed, and, if possible, a day on the weekend. We can avoid nonessential alarms and notifications that add to our distraction. Of course, staying away from technology during the night can lead to more restful sleep. Time spent away from the screens in our lives also creates more opportunities to focus on ourselves, connect with our surroundings, and pay more attention to our loved ones.

Notice small things and appreciate simple pleasures. In a hurried life we can overlook, ignore, and discount the presence and value of small but enjoyable aspects of life. Paying attention to the sunrise and sunset, focusing on music as we listen to it, stopping to smell a flower, or enjoying the taste of a delicious meal can help us to gain greater enjoyment of everyday life. Making time to visit with a friend, spending quality time with family members, or engaging in conversation with a neighbor can help us to refocus and reflect on the importance of the people in our lives.

Prioritize progress over perfection. When we expect perfection, we are more likely to be disappointed than gratified. Focusing on progress gives us permission to make mistakes—and learn from them. Expecting perfection, on the other hand, means mistakes must be avoided. We can celebrate small wins and modest successes as we build new skills, develop our talents, and expand our expertise. Regardless of whether progress comes at a modest and consistent pace or occurs in surprising leaps, we can savor the journey and use the experience to remain positive and motivated to live and learn.

Consider the possibility of procrastination. Procrastination has a bad reputation, but just because something is on our to-do list does not always mean that it must be done right now, or even today. Sometimes allowing time to pass can lead to a better understanding of something or a better approach to completing a task. In some cases, conditions migrate, and the task we thought we needed to complete changes or may no longer require our attention. Of course, we need to avoid falling into the trap or habit of putting off what really needs to be done. However, considering elements of urgency, timeliness, and consequences can help us to better manage the pace and sequence of what needs our attention.

Regularly reflect, reassess, and realign. Life happens whether we go with the flow or decide how to live it. Spending time thinking about what is important to us, contemplating the difference we want to make, and setting goals can help us to clarify and honor our priorities. However, we need to regularly reflect on how and whether we are really spending our time on what is most important. Intentions matter and plans are necessary, but what we do and how we spend our time determines whether what we value is also what we live.

There is no question that resisting the constant rush of life is a challenge and finding time for meaning, enjoyment, and appreciation can be difficult. These and other strategies can help us to create space for meaning, find a place for enjoyment, and embrace life as it unfolds. Do you have some favorite strategies to add?