The Master Teacher Blog

We want students to feel successful. We also need to protect them from unnecessary pain and disappointment. However, we cannot and should not protect students from all consequences. Consequences are an important part of learning. Consequences help students to see links between cause and effect. Consequences invite students to connect actions and outcomes. Consequences can help students to modify their behavior as they see and experience the effects of their choices and actions.

Yet there is considerable ambivalence related to today’s young people and consequences. Some parents seek to protect their children from any negative consequences. When students’ behavior leads them to face consequences, parents may feel they should step in and attempt to prevent the experience.

Of course, there are limits to our advice and influence over parent choices. However, there is much we can do in a learning context to help students anticipate, understand, and learn from the consequences they experience. In the meantime, it is important to be clear about what we mean by consequences, what they are and are not, and how they can play a role in learning.

First, consequences and punishment are not the same. Consequences focus on learning and responsibility. Consequences help to teach and prevent behavior. Consequences are intended to give students insight into and control over future choices. Punishment is a means to exert control and exact pain and discomfort. Punishment is indeed a consequence, but not all consequences are punishment. The most useful consequences provide information and inform future behavior. Punishment, on the other hand, is more likely to be backward-looking, focused on payment for past behavior.  While punishment can be effective in stopping current behavior, useful consequences build better behavior in the long-term.

Second, consequences generally fall into two categories: natural consequences and logical consequences. Natural consequences include phenomena such as touching a hot stove and failing to dress appropriately for the weather. The discomfort experienced serves as a lesson to inform future behavior. Logical consequences involve behaviors such as violating reasonable rules, failing to complete expected tasks, and cleaning up a mess one has made. Here the consequences are connected to behavior, but they follow logically rather than naturally. In both contexts, consequences can offer lessons to be learned.

Third, consequences in schools tend to be more logical than natural. Although there are opportunities for students to experience natural consequences, the consequences students experience in school are more likely to result from failure to heed rules, expectations, and structures intended to create a safe, orderly, and productive environment. 

Fourth, productive consequences create conditions that encourage learning. Consequences are not learning. Learning happens through reflection, understanding, and adjustment. History is filled with examples of consequences that did not lead to learning and resulted in repetition and even more consequences. Our challenge is to help students understand and make sense of the consequences they experience and to learn from them. We also control the conditions that lead to most consequences and can position them to maximize the probability that learning will result in. Here are five characteristics of consequences that support learning:

• Consequences are connected to the behavior. “If you do/or fail to do _____, then _____ will happen.”
• Consequences are understood. Students can explain how their behavior led to the consequence.
• Consequences follow soon after the behavior. Proximity makes it more likely that the behavior and consequence will be understood as connected.
• Consequences match the behavior. The severity of the consequence is proportional to the conduct.
• Consequences encourage behavior modification. Students have opportunities to try again, fix what they did, and apply what they learn.

In life, consequences are unavoidable. The choices we make and the actions we take matter. Sometimes the consequences we experience are positive and welcome. At other times, the consequences are disappointing and painful. Regardless, they are opportunities to learn and inform future behavior. These are important lessons to teach our students. However, we need to be certain that the consequences our students experience are learning-focused, not punishment-driven. 

It is a fact that tomorrow’s teachers are in today’s classrooms—and those among our students who will become educators likely do not even know it yet! They may not have considered teaching as a future path, or they may have even been discouraged from considering teaching as a career.

Yet there are students in our classrooms who likely demonstrate behaviors and characteristics that make them natural teachers. With encouragement, mentoring, and relevant experiences, they may grow an interest that leads them to choose teaching as a career and commit to a lifelong pursuit of making a difference in the lives of children and young people.

Of course, many of the behaviors that align with teaching can lead to other professions as well. However, we can expose and encourage students to consider the possibility that they might become teachers. We can help them to see themselves as someone who can have a profound impact on the lives of learners, who can stimulate curiosity, share useful knowledge, build important skills, and prepare students to become successful adults and good people. 

So, what might we see and hear from students that suggest they have a latent or potential interest in teaching, and that they would find a good fit with teaching? Here are ten of the most common signs:

• They are quick to explain ideas and routines to classmates. They are attentive to processes and procedures and they are comfortable translating for others—even without being asked or directed.
• They volunteer to assist classmates who struggle. They are patient, empathetic, and understanding of the struggles other students may face.
• They ask big picture questions. They want to know how things work. They are likely to be interested in how learning happens. They may inquire why we chose one approach or response over another.
• They are quick to take a leadership role during group work. They may focus on ensuring that everyone is included and participates. They work to ensure that the group accomplishes its assigned task.
• They pay attention to how lessons are designed and delivered. They may ask about teaching strategies and why certain approaches work better than others. At times, they may even offer suggestions and options for improvement.
• They are attentive to classroom dynamics. They often are sensitive to the energy and mood in the room. They notice when some students do not participate or are confused or frustrated. They may even take steps to lower frustration and reduce conflict or come to their teacher’s defense when other students are being unkind to them.
• They are quick to volunteer for classroom tasks. These are the students who look forward to opportunities such as distributing materials, setting up activities, and arranging space.
• They can be counted on to help when a substitute teacher is struggling. Their grasp of how things are supposed to work and the expectations we hold are ready to be shared.
• When given the opportunity to teach a lesson or present on a topic, they show promise. They may not be among the first to volunteer, but their natural teaching behaviors and skills come through. 
• They may ask about our experience. They may inquire about what led us to teach. They might ask us questions such as what teaching is like and what we like about teaching.

Of course, few students will demonstrate all or even most of these behaviors and characteristics. However, the more evidence we see, the more likely a student is to have a natural inclination to teach. We can also remind ourselves that future teachers do not have to be academically top-achieving students. Intellectual curiosity and capacity are important, but teaching success is also dependent on caring, connecting, and making an impact.

We might think of classroom management as having clear, consistent routines and expectations. Or we might perceive classroom management as recognizing off-task behavior and misbehavior early and intervening before it becomes disruptive. We might even think of classroom management simply as the presence of strong, positive relationships and a sense of belonging among students. Of course, these perspectives all play a role in good classroom management.

Nevertheless, there is another element that plays a determinative role in good classroom management: how we choose to teach. The strategies we choose, the interactions we have, and the activities we design can determine when or if our classroom management will proceed smoothly or fly off the rails. Consistency, anticipation, and relationships matter, but strong, engaging, purposeful instruction provides the foundation on which other classroom management elements rely. Consider these six common instruction-related missteps and how to avoid them.

Lack of clarity about the learning objective. When we design learning activities, we have an objective in mind. We select teaching strategies and choose resources and activities to support the learning we seek for our students. However, our purpose and objectives are not always clear to students. When students fail to see the point of our instruction or the activities in which we ask them to engage, they are less likely to invest in learning and are more likely to substitute what they want to do for what we have planned. Beyond being clear and explicit about the purpose of our instruction, we might also have students set goals for their learning. After all, being clear about what students are asked to learn is an important initial step, but having students set goals aligned with the learning objective invites investment and deeper levels of engagement.

Overreliance on a single teaching strategy. We may feel more comfortable and effective with one type of instructional strategy than others. However, too much of anything can diminish its impact. In the case of teaching, variety leads to higher and more consistent levels of attention and engagement. We might combine brief lectures with opportunities for students to discuss what they are learning. We might mix visual, auditory, and kinesthetic inputs and design relevant application activities to provide the variety and breadth of learning necessary to capture and hold students’ attention. Where appropriate, we may even position students to use what they are learning to create, invent, or discover new learning on their own.

Overreliance on cold calling or volunteers. Questions can play an impactful role in learning. They allow us to gauge what students understand and where they are confused. They can invite students to reflect and make sense of what they are learning. Questions can even stimulate new thinking and insights. However, how we present and manage questioning matters. When we rely on volunteers to answer questions, we are likely to hear only from students who are confident and tracking with the lesson, whereas we are not likely to hear from reluctant or confused students or from students who are not paying attention. On the other hand, overreliance on cold calling can place excessive pressure on some students, leading them to worry about being called on rather than listening, engaging, and learning. Generally, a mix of questioning strategies works best, and occasionally, we might even signal a reluctant student privately in advance about a question we will ask so they can be prepared and ready to respond.

Failing to connect content and skills to life beyond the classroom. Relevance is a key driver of learning. The more students can see a connection between what they are learning and other elements or interests in their lives, the more they are likely to commit to learning and recall what they have learned. On the other hand, when students see little relevance in their learning, they are easily distracted, can choose to substitute other behavior for learning, and are likely not to remember much of what they learn.

Assigning group work without providing structure and roles. Well-designed group work and cooperative learning can be effective teaching strategies. However, when students are placed in groups without a clear understanding of what they are to do and learn, without clear roles for group members to perform, or without working norms, group work can become unproductive and chaotic. For group work to be effective and productive, students need to know how to perform as part of a team. We need to provide a clear purpose and provide enough structure for students to engage, without overmanaging or abandoning student groups when they struggle.

Overreliance on tests and quizzes. Obviously, tests and quizzes are important and can be efficient ways of estimating what students know and are ready to learn. Nevertheless, tests and quizzes administered too frequently or that include an excessive number of questions can sacrifice teaching and learning time and lead students to not take them seriously. We need to limit assessments to the minimum number of questions necessary to gain an estimate of what students know and where they may be confused or lacking knowledge. We can also enlist other assessment strategies to gauge student progress without overdependence on tests and quizzes. As examples, we might have students explain a concept, teach another student, demonstrate a skill, or produce a product using what they have learned. As an added benefit, students find many of these additional strategies engaging. They can also help students to consolidate their learning and more effectively store what they have learned in memory.

Admittedly, strong classroom management depends on a variety of factors. However, giving attention to how we plan lessons and engage students in learning can make classroom management easier and more effective.

Managing student behavior is a constant process that often parallels the lesson we are teaching and the learning we are trying to build. Educators know full well just how often students say and do things that we and other students find distracting or that interrupt the flow of the classroom.

We can attempt to shut down disruptive student behavior with quick admonishments and directives, but this approach is more likely to prolong such behavior than prevent or extinguish it. In fact, a recent study of teacher behaviors in response to student interruptions or inappropriate behavior found that trying to shut down student behavior with phrases such as “Shush,” “Stop it,” and “Be quiet” were effective for only about five minutes before the same or similar behavior reappeared. Meanwhile, students learn little about self-regulation and avoiding similar behavior in the future.

Employing proactive student-centered approaches tend to be significantly more effective. The same study found that when expectations and redirection were connected to explanation, distracting and disruptive behavior was eliminated for 20 or more minutes.  Here are six examples of approaches we can use to enlist students in controlling and shifting their behavior to maintain classroom processes and build self-regulation.

First, we can frame expectations in what students can and should do rather than telling them what not to do. We might say, “Please listen attentively while others are speaking,” instead of, “Don’t talk when I or others are speaking.” Or we might say, “Please stay in your seat unless you need to get something” rather than, “No wandering around the classroom.”

Second, we can review expectations before transitions and remind students why the expectations are important or necessary. We could say, “We will be moving to the library in a few minutes. Let’s remember to walk quietly and calmly so we do not disturb other classes.” If we wait until students are not walking quietly and calmly in the hallway, we may find thar our redirection is even more disruptive to other classes and less effective with our students.

Third, we can connect redirection to purpose. Instead of "Stop talking and start working," we might say, "I notice that you are chatting during independent work time. I want you to get the most out of this time. That means focusing on your work." Or we could say, “I see that you are struggling with this problem. Struggling means you are learning. When we don’t give up, we get better. Let’s think of another approach you might use.”

Fourth, we can choose invitational language. Instead of, “Pay attention and get to work,” we could say, “You seem like you are a little distracted. What do you think might help you to focus and do your best work?” Or “I know that it is tough when you must wait for others to finish. What might be a good way for you to pass the time?” rather than, “Please sit quietly and wait for others to finish.”

Fifth, we might remind students of agreed upon norms and rationale. Our language could be, “Let’s pause for a second and think about the norms we created. How can they help us to work together better?” instead of, “Stop arguing.” Or “Let’s remember the norms we created. They can help us to respect each other and our work,” rather than, “Stop bothering each other.”

Sixth, we can redirect energy to more productive ends. Our guidance might be, “I see that this activity is stimulating lots of excitement, but let’s focus on organizing our materials so everyone is ready to participate,” instead of, “Stop talking and get ready for the next activity.” Or “Let’s stand up and stretch for a minute and then finish this activity strong,” rather than, “It’s getting too loud. Please quiet down.”

The reality of working with young learners is that they will not always pay attention, be ready to focus, or be able to regulate their behavior. We can choose to interrupt distracting and unacceptable behavior for the moment, or we can invest a few additional seconds and help students to manage their behavior and build autonomy.

Reference: Karasova, J. and Nehyba, J. (March 29, 2025). Novice teacher’s classroom behavior management: Situations, responses and impact on student behavior. British Educational Research Journal. Retrieved at: https://bera-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/berj.4166

Not everything that is relevant today is new. Also, not everything that is useful with students originated in education. An excellent example of this observation is a reflection process developed for healthcare professionals several decades ago. Despite how long it has been around, it remains a useful tool to stimulate and guide reflection activities. It is deceptively simple, but surprisingly powerful. The process consists of just three questions:

• What?
• So what? 
• Now what?

This question sequence provides a useful way to organize thoughts, consider implications, and decide next steps. The reflection process works by breaking down information into useful parts. It also clarifies relevance of the topic being considered. Finally, it encourages individuals to take action because of the reflection.

We can use the reflection tool to help students reflect on and learn from conflict, missteps, or misbehavior. Students might use this tool to understand the significance of their effort and persistence in the face of an academic challenge, or to help them reflect on and better understand their behavior in a relationship. Let’s unpack these questions and explore how they might be used to guide and support student reflection activities regardless of topic, subject, or experience.

“What?” focuses on the experience, event, or interaction. In the first step, students describe what happened. They isolate the facts of the matter by recounting what they observed. Students may describe an assignment or project they were engaged in. They may reflect on an event in which they participated. They may recount a conversation, argument, or something they heard. They also detail the role they played in what happened.

Our coaching role during this step of the reflection process is to have students be clear, concrete, and concise. The key is to help students begin their reflection with reality, not what they assume or imagine.

“So what?” engages students in interpreting, analyzing, and contextualizing what happened. In the second step, students describe why the experience, event, or interaction was important. They may discuss why they reacted as they did. They might recount how they felt as the situation unfolded. They may even provide context that explains why they found the experience to matter. Further, students might provide history of a relationship, a struggle to complete a task, or an analysis of their behavior. Finally, this step asks students to consider what they learned through the experience.

Our coaching in this step is to help students to recall what they felt, how they reacted, and what they learned. We may need to ask nudging questions to help students find their way through emotions, assumptions, and other distractions that get in the way while making sense of what they experienced.

“Now what?” focuses student attention on the implications of the experience and future actions. In the third step, students ask themselves what they would do differently if they encountered the same circumstances, challenges, or interactions in the future. They might draw on what they discovered in the second step of the process to determine how they can adjust their thinking and behavior. Students also may find that there are skills and information they need to learn to help them complete this phase. Depending on the situation, students may plan the next steps they will take to resolve the situation or how they will reengage in a project or task. They might even develop a script to use in resolving a conflict.

Our coaching at this stage of the process is to encourage commitment and to help students define, determine, and deploy the steps or strategies they will use to move forward. Students may need our insights and ideas to help them figure out what they will say and what actions they will take.

These three questions may seem simple—even obvious. However, when deployed with thought and commitment, they can generate powerful insights and lead to significant changes in thinking and behavior.

It's no secret that student attendance in the aftermath of the pandemic is a bigger challenge than before. Obviously, there are many reasons why students might be absent more frequently. Yet, regardless of why students are absent, we want them to feel welcome and connected. We also want them to learn and succeed. When they do, their attendance is likely to improve.

On the other hand, if students feel disconnected, that their presence does not matter, or that they cannot succeed, the frequency of their absences is likely to increase. Unfortunately, unless we communicate our interest, find ways to help students feel they belong, and continue to invest in their learning, the situation is likely to become worse, not better.

Of course, frequently absent students are a challenge. They create more work for us. They typically struggle to keep up. And their absences can feel like rejection, lack of motivation, and absence of commitment. As a result, our relationship with frequently absent students can become strained and weakened. We can even feel resentful.

Still, we need to remember that we are dealing with children and adolescents. They may have developed poor habits. They may be facing life challenges and barriers of which we are not aware. They may doubt whether they can succeed or whether they are valued and accepted.

We may not be able to change students’ circumstances or control their behavior, but we can communicate that we care about them, the importance of their presence, and our confidence in and support for their success. When we do, we can have more influence on their behavior than we assume. Consider these strategies to assure frequently absent students that they belong, they are missed when they are absent, and we want them to succeed:

• Reinforce that their presence is noticed and valued. We can make it a priority to greet students warmly when they return and assure them that they were missed.
• Provide updates using inclusive language. Subtly remind students that they are part of the class. Rather than saying, “Here is what you missed,” we might say, “Here is what we are doing this week.”
• Resist drawing attention to absences in front of the class. Develop smooth reentry routines such as resource folders containing information to bring the student up to speed, brief check-ins, and quick group reviews of recent learning.
• Remain focused on moving forward. Casting blame and forcing guilt-laden conversations are not likely to make a positive difference in behavior. Concentrate on what can be done now and what’s next.
• Create some small wins. Look for opportunities to help students reengage and feel success. Search for what students already know and can build on. Modified tasks, manageable choices, or low-stakes activities can help students to build confidence and reconnect with learning.
• Look for opportunities for students to connect with peers. Pairing students with reliable, supportive classmates who share notes, provide updates, and offer encouragement can make a big difference. Inclusion in group projects and discussions that are not heavily dependent on previous class experiences can also help to initiate or reinvigorate social connections.
• Build connections beyond academics. Invitations to help with small classroom jobs and responsibilities can foster a sense of belonging. Noticing attendance streaks and improvement efforts can provide important reinforcement. Discussing personal interests and other out of school experiences can communicate caring beyond classroom behavior and experiences.
• Stay connected during absences. An email or quick call with a message that the student was missed and that we care can go a long way. “We missed you today” can help students to feel noticed. “I hope everything is okay” tells students we are interested in them.

Without question, frequently absent students can be frustrating and create more work. However, placing blame and harboring resentment accomplishes little. Our efforts are more likely to yield positive results when we focus on making our class a place where students feel noticed, valued, respected, and supported to do their best. When students feel welcomed and that they belong, our efforts to address attendance-related issues become much more productive.

We want to stay focused, in control, and continue to move forward regardless of what each day might bring. Yet, consider the typical day in a classroom. Distractions, disruptions, and detours can come at us in a hurry. The press and stress of these situations can lead us to forget or overlook some of the most effective responses, redirections, and rerouting that can keep the class and learning on track.

The good news is that often a few short phrases and quick reminders can help us to remain in control and move forward despite the pace and chaos of the day. Here are seven pieces of time-tested, sage advice that we can tap and apply to avoid losing focus or momentum.

Seek to connect before trying to correct. Students want to know that we care before they are ready to listen and follow our guidance and direction. If we want students to respond to our corrections, we need to start by establishing connections. The truth is that our effectiveness in redirecting students is more likely to depend on our relationship than the technique we apply to correct their behavior.

Be curious, not furious. Students occasionally will do things that distract and disturb us. Our first reaction can be to become angry and upset. Yet, the truth is that student behavior is driven by purpose. They do things for a reason. If we allow ourselves to react based on how we feel, we risk missing what lies behind student actions and decisions. Doing so can make the situation worse, or lead to having to backtrack once we learn the full story. Rather than allowing our emotions to take over, we do better to inquire, listen, and understand before deciding how to respond.

Give the benefit of the doubt. We may be confused or disappointed by an action a student takes or choice they make. Our first reaction might be to be frustrated and accusatory, especially if the student has a history of poor judgement or misbehavior. However, doing so can lead us to assume the worst and draw negative conclusions about the situation before we fully understand. Consequently, we may miss an opportunity to support, trust, and teach. We may even find ourselves having to apologize for jumping to a negative conclusion, saying something, or acting in a way we later regret. On the other hand, when we assume that students act based on positive intent, we rarely find ourselves regretting our actions or having to apologize. 

Don’t confuse students with their behavior. Students can do amazingly frustrating and disappointing things. They can “push our buttons” in ingenious ways. Yet, we need to remember that students’ actions and their identities are not the same. Behaviors are choices students make. They can learn and grow from their mistakes. We need to value students for who they are, not what they have done.   

Think and respond, not trigger and react. In the heat of the moment, we can find ourselves susceptible to emotional triggers. We can react to situations without thinking. We might even feel as though a student’s behavior made us do what we did. Unfortunately, our reaction often leads to regret. In truth, there exists a crucial gap between a student’s action and our response. We can choose to pause, think, and choose before we act. This split-second decision gives us the power to control our behavior and respond with better judgement and a more effective response.

De-escalate before trying to educate. Hearing and responding effectively is especially difficult when emotions are high. Trying to modify behavior or teach a lesson when students are upset or agitated usually is futile. In fact, it can escalate the situation. A calm voice, offering supportive choices, and relaxed demeanor usually will be more effective in the moment. Once the student has had some time to calm down, discussion about what happened, what needs to be learned, and planning for the future will be better received and more effective.

Leverage expectations to lift performance. It has been said that we get what we expect. While holding high expectations of our students does not always mean that everyone will immediately respond by accelerating their learning and achieving complete success, our belief that students can learn, grow, and improve makes a difference. Decades of research demonstrate that what teachers believe about the learning potential of their students has an impact on how they perform. We may wonder if there is a danger of expecting too much. Yet rarely is this a problem. In fact, the consequences of expecting too little are far more worrisome.

If some of these points resonate with you and you want to remember them when experiencing behavior challenges in the classroom, consider putting them on sticky notes and placing them in prominent places as reminders. Alternatively, some of these insights can be good mantras to repeat and reflect on as you prepare for a day that you expect to be especially challenging. Of course, some or all these nuggets may already be part of your daily routine. If so, keep up the good work.

Passive-aggressive behavior is no stranger in most classrooms. Students can be highly skilled in the practices of avoiding responsibility, deflecting blame, and making empty promises. Deep sighs, rolling eyes, blank looks, and sarcasm provide nonverbal clues to this often frustrating and discouraging behavior. Rather than engaging, accepting responsibility, and following through, these students shift their energy toward finding ways to take little or no action, while trying to assign ownership for their behavior to others.

Fortunately, there are several steps we can take and strategies we can use to counter and limit passive aggressive behaviors, but first we need to understand the reasons and needs driving the behavior. What we are seeing may be a desire to avoid conflict, evidence of low self-confidence, or the presence of hostility, anger, or resentment. We may even be seeing evidence of a lack of skills or courage to speak up.

Our knowledge of our students and our relationship with them can often give us clues to the causes of passive-aggressive behavior. We might reflect on recent events that are creating the emotions reflected in a student’s behavior. Of course, we might have a conversation with the student to fill in the gaps in our understanding. When the behavior represents a pattern, we might check with parents and colleagues to gain their perspective and insights. Regardless, if we hope to change the behavior, we need to understand what is causing it.

With this context in mind, here are a dozen steps and strategies we might consider and employ in response to passive-aggressive behavior we experience with students:

• Stay calm. Resist allowing frustration to become part of your message. Don’t provide an opening to have your emotions become the focus.
• Avoid a public confrontation, if possible. Having a private conversation can avoid having the student grandstand or play to an audience.
• Focus on your direction or request, not the student’s reaction. Passive-aggressive behavior is often a ploy to provoke a response.
• Stick to what you observe. Start with something like “I noticed a shift in your (body language, facial expression, or another behavior).” If denial is the response, let it go for the moment. Planting a seed can be a start.
• Resist making the student’s motive or interpretation the focus. Respond with something like “You seem to be frustrated. Is there something you want to talk about?”
• Avoid accusations. Stick to “I” statements such as “I am confused by your promising to do something and then not following through.”
• Practice active listening. Avoid interrupting or talking over the student. Focus on what is not said as intently as what is said.
• Seek solutions rather than winning. Trying to exert overt pressure or reverting to formal power can result in escalation of the situation. Focusing on the underlying issue or issues is likely to be more productive.
• Reinforce positive, responsible behaviors. Teach students to practice accountability and responsibility. Acknowledge and encourage students when they express their emotions constructively and accept responsibility for their decisions.
• Create an environment where open communication is valued and protected. Encourage students to be open about their thoughts, concerns, and needs.
• Establish consistent behavior expectations. Limits concerning disrespect and other unacceptable behavior can provide important structure to support open communication.
• Reach out if you need more support. Administrators and other support staff can often provide important insights, options, and strategies in response to student needs and behaviors.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be challenging since it often feels disrespectful and leaves us frustrated and angry. However, with practice and the right strategies, we can help students to learn and practice behaviors that are more productive for them and less troublesome for us.

It is inevitable that, on occasion, students will become upset and lose control of their emotions. The student may become disrespectful, distraught, angry, or unruly. Of course, there is a reason for the behavior, even if we are not aware of the cause at the time. Our challenge is to respond and de-escalate the situation in a manner that keeps everyone safe and that supports the student in regaining control. We can work on identifying and addressing the cause of the behavior later.  

We may be tempted to exert force, push the student to calm down, and demand that they comply with our directives. Unfortunately, relying on authority and power in these circumstances rarely works, and in most cases, pushing back on the behavior makes the situation worse.  

Admittedly, not every situation in which students lose control of their emotions will be the same. Yet, there are several strategies we can apply to de-escalate student emotional outbursts regardless of the specific circumstances. Note: If we are concerned about the safety of the student, classmates, or ourselves, we need to summon assistance immediately.  

In most circumstances, this seven-step process can help us to dissipate emotional outbursts, position us to help students return to a state of emotional control, and prepare them to better manage similar situations in the future.  

1. Remain calm. Our behavior will play a crucial role in whether the situation escalates or levels out and begins to dissipate. A calm, non-threatening posture and empathetic tone can minimize the probability that the student’s emotions will continue to escalate. On the other hand, attempts to exert physical control are likely to result in a power struggle that may become dangerous for the student and us.  

2. Make a connection. Our influence in the situation goes up dramatically if the student sees our response as caring and trying to help. We might say things like “I understand that you’re upset,” “I can see that this situation is bothering you. Let me help,” or “Let’s find a way to help you get what you need.” This is also a time to listen without attempting to interrupt or downplay the significance of what the student is feeling. 

3. Offer a choice. Rather than directing the student to take a specific action, we might present them with some options. We might say, “You may sit here or go over to the study area,” or ask, “Would you rather stay with the group or read by yourself?” If we know what is likely to be calming for the student—drawing, coloring, putting their head down on their desk—we might offer that activity as an option. Offering choices can have the effect of reminding the student that they have some control in the situation.  

4. Provide space and time. If we attempt to pressure the student to calm down, comply with our directive, or threaten consequences, we can trigger a fight-or-flight response that escalates the situation. Instead, we might offer the opportunity for the student to take a break, think, and calm down. However, we need to careful not to present the offer of time and space as a punishment, such as a time-out, or we can anticipate pushback and escalation. 

5. Signal that you will talk later. We might tell the student that we will discuss the situation when everyone has had a chance to calm down. If we push to discuss the situation while the student is still upset, we will likely face pushback. Meanwhile, announcing that you will discuss the situation later signals to the student and other members of the class that you are not ignoring the situation. You plan to address the matter at a more appropriate and productive time.  

6. Develop a plan. Once the student is calm and both of you have had some time to think and reflect, it is time to develop a plan with the student for what will happen the next time the student becomes stressed and loses control. We might discuss coping strategies the student can tap and contingency plans for when they feel they are in danger of losing control. We might also explore what they want from us when they are losing or have lost control.  

7. Consider assigning consequences, if appropriate. Depending on the nature of the crisis, behavior of the student, and the level of disruption caused, we may need to consider consequences. If so, we must be certain that they are measured and responsive to what happened. If practical, they might be restorative by providing a service to the class, assisting us with a task or project, or another activity that preserves dignity and helps the student reenter the classroom community.  

Obviously, the nature of situations and the specific behavior of out-of-control students will vary. Not every suggestion will apply in every situation. The crisis cycle can vary in length. Everything may be over in a matter of minutes, or final resolution may take hours. The key is to be calm, flexible, and focused on keeping everyone safe, and to remain ready to respond as the student makes their way through the crisis.