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Seven Signs You Are a Life-Changing Teacher

One of the amazing aspects of teaching is that we engage with our students early in their life trajectories. Consequently, our influence can persist and grow after students leave us, mature, and enter new phases of life. What may seem like incidental exchanges, off-hand advice, small acts of caring, or assurance of understanding can have a lifelong impact. What may feel like a small win with students today may change how they view and live life long after they leave us.

Unfortunately, our role positions us in a place where we are usually not able to see and hear how our influence has made a difference for our students. If we are lucky, some students might return and tell us how we have had an impact on who they are and what they are doing, but these tend to be rare occasions, representing just a fraction of the differences we have made.

But how do we know if the experiences our students are having with us today are likely to be life-changing? Are there signs or signals that can reassure us that what we are doing will not only be important today, but will likely stay with students far beyond their time with us?

The good news is that when students look back at their time in school, they often point to certain experiences, observations, and messages that have stayed with them over time and have had an influence on who they have become. Here are seven reflections students share about teachers whom they describe as life-changing:

This teacher…

Really saw me. Students value teachers who see them as more than just a student. Taking time to listen and understand how students are feeling and empathizing with their challenges and struggles matters. For students, being seen translates to feeling valued and significant.
Thought I was exceptional. While it certainly can, exceptionality does not have to translate to academic achievement or perceived intelligence. Instead, the focus may be a certain talent, ways of thinking, or unique insights. For students, being considered exceptional can feel like permission to be who they are and not always have to conform to what others think or expect of them.
Made me want to learn. When teachers allow their curiosity, passions, and excitement to show through their teaching, students can find it difficult to ignore or resist. Developing a love for learning can make a lifelong difference for students.
Held high expectations. Students often underestimate their potential. When someone pushes them to invest, persist, and discover what they are capable of, it can become a habitual approach to life beyond the classroom.
Never gave up. Nudging, reminding, and supporting students are expressions of confidence that success is possible. Letting go and moving on can send the opposite message. Students remember and treasure people who never gave up on them.
Was flexible and creative. Unexpected things happen. When they do, the circumstance can be turned into a timely reminder or offered as something new to learn. Even negative events have a way of becoming an opportunity for something good. Finding value and worth, reframing, and reflecting can be powerful models for young people trying to understand life.
Was someone I wanted to be like. Students are constantly looking for role models. They want to have adults in their lives who have clear values, integrity, and courage. When they find what they are looking for in us, we can be their “north star,” their beacon of hope, and a measuring stick for who they want to become.

Obviously, we cannot be all these things all the time for all our students, but the beauty is that we do not have to exhibit all these characteristics. In fact, there are times when even one of these elements can be all a student needs in order to see more in themselves, aspire to be more than they are, and follow a path created and begun during their time with us.

Validation: A Powerful Force for Connecting

Relationships and Connections

May 01, 2025

Validation: A Powerful Force for Connecting

Validation may not seem like a powerful act. In fact, we may not give it much thought beyond a moment of appreciation in passing. Yet, taking the time to acknowledge the thinking of others, accepting their feelings, and respecting their experiences can have a surprisingly powerful impact our personal and professional relationships. In her recent book on the power and importance of validation, author Caroline Fleck asserts that the connections we make can increase levels of trust, improve psychological safety, and build a sense of belonging.

Providing genuine validation can be an especially effective way to build relationships with students. When we take the time to validate our students’ thoughts and feelings, we help them to feel seen and safe, reinforce their identity, and build emotional connections. When students perceive that their thoughts and emotions are accepted and respected, they are more likely to communicate freely and be more open to our advice and coaching.

Campus and district administrators should also be intentional and authentic when providing validation to their teachers, now in the season of Teacher Appreciation—and throughout the rest of the school year. Teachers deserve a great deal of appreciation, respect, and validation in addition to other things that would improve their well-being and job satisfaction; while many of those things are outside the realm of campus and district administration’s control, providing validation is not.

To be clear, validation is more than simply acknowledging someone’s presence or greeting them by name, although these can certainly be starting points. If we want teachers, students, colleagues, or others to feel validated, here are steps we can take:

Listen actively. When in a conversation with someone, give them your full attention. Making eye contact can go a long way in making someone feel respected. Resist fidgeting, interrupting, or drawing premature conclusions.
Offer nonverbal support. Nodding your head, maintaining an open body stance, and making other encouraging gestures or facial expressions can convey that you are paying full attention.
Acknowledge emotions. Listen for more than spoken words. Pay attention to their tone and facial expressions. Validate what is said with statements such as “I understand why you feel that way,” or “That makes sense.” Your responses can communicate support to the other person and make them feel seen and heard.
Remain nonjudgmental. Accept the other person’s perspective. Realize that respecting their feelings is not synonymous with your agreement! There may be opportunities later to clarify, rectify misperceptions, or offer alternate perspectives.
Resist trying to immediately problem solve. Being heard is often as important, as receiving advice, if not more so. Hold off on offering any advice until asked or invited to.
Don’t take over. Give others space until they invite your input. Let them know that you are there for them when they want to share or need assistance.
Reinforce their strengths. Remind the person of their coping skills and capacities. Share your confidence in their abilities.

Validation can also play a helpful role in conflict. Many of the same behaviors that convey validation in relationships can reduce tension and improve communication during times of tension and disagreement. When someone is upset, their abilities to focus, think, and problem solve are reduced. They become more likely to respond with “fight, flight, or freeze” actions. When we engage in validating behaviors, the impact can be lowered heart rates, reduced nervous perspiration, and eased emotions, among other benefits. As a result, students or others with whom we are in conflict are less likely to escalate their behavior, respond based solely on emotion, or experience continued distress.

Of course, validation is only effective when it is authentic. True validation is not a tool for manipulation or misdirection. People can often quickly and easily see through false concern and manufactured caring, which tends to make the situation worse.

How have you made validation a part of your relationship-building efforts? What additional recommendations would you offer for establishing and strengthening connections with others?

Reference:

Fleck, C. (2025) Validation: How the skill set that revolutionized psychology will transform your relationships, increase your influence, and change your life. Avery.

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