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Five Responses to Misbehavior We Must Avoid

The mental health of young people is a serious concern. We see evidence and hear reports about the nature and extent of the problem daily. Our students face unprecedented pressure and stress ranging from traditional sources, such as fitting in and friendships, family issues, social media pressure, the need for learning catch up, and fears about the future. We need to do what we can to help our students cope with the issues they face and learn how to manage the pressures and stresses they face. Above all, we need to do what we can to avoid adding to the mental and emotional weight our students carry. For example, when students engage in unacceptable behavior, we must be thoughtful in our response. We want students not to repeat the behavior, but some of our choices in response to students’ actions can risk harming their mental health. Consider the difference between discipline and punishment. Discipline approaches misbehavior or poor choices as an opportunity for teaching and learning. Our goal is not just to stop the behavior. We seek to have the student learn how and why to change their behavior. Discipline is guided by our commitment to help our students grow and be able to make better choices on their own. Punishment, on the other hand, seeks to stop the behavior by exacting consequences or implementing a reaction that'll lead the student not to repeat the behavior. Pain and discomfort - emotional, social, or physical – are frequent tools for punishment. Avoiding further consequences and practicing compliance are the assumed outcomes. Unfortunately, many means for punishing misbehavior can also harm the mental health of students. The damage can be profound and lifelong, especially when punishment is exacted in anger. Many of us can clearly and painfully recall times when and how we were punished, even though many years have passed. Our position of authority in the lives of students makes our responsibility in this regard even greater. Punishment that can cause mental harm comes in many forms. However, there are at least five ways in which students often are punished that teaches little and can result in significant harm: Ostracizing. When we intentionally ignore and encourage others to not interact with a classmate, we risk causing feelings of isolation and depression that can lead to significant and lasting damage. Students may not repeat the offending behavior, but the cost can be high. Humiliation. When we intentionally embarrass a student, especially in front of peers, we risk creating a wound that'll be slow to heal. Students may regret what they did, but they'll not soon forget how we made them feel. The combination of pain and resentment can result in loss of confidence and significant depression. Holding a grudge. Students say and do many things about which they may have not given much thought. We can be offended and angry. We may feel humiliated and embarrassed. However, once we've handled the situation we need to let it go. Our students are still learning and growing. They need the opportunity for a new start without our lingering resentment damaging our relationship with them. Expressing disgust. Disgust is an expression of revulsion or strong disapproval. Few things students do should raise this level of response from us. Expressions of disgust are especially harmful when the object is something over which students don't have control. Physical characteristics of the student, the student’s family status or behavior, or ethnic traditions are examples. Being the object of someone’s disgust can create a lasting and unpleasant memory even if the student does not fully understand what caused it. Negative predictions. What we predict about the future of our students can carry far more influence than we imagine. In a moment of anger, we might predict that a student will never be successful, not graduate, ever amount to much, or another negative prospect. Long after we have forgotten the incident, we likely will find that the student hasn't let the memory go. In fact, the student may refer to our words whenever they fail or fall short. Only rarely will a student use the experience to propel them to success. However, even if they do, it'll be despite us, not because of our inspiration. We must do all we can to help our students and never consciously or intentionally add to their mental health load. Our focus must be on how we can help students learn to behave in acceptable ways, and not rely on our threats, comments, and emotional state to keep them in line.

February 10, 2023

Feeling Stuck? Tap Five “R’s” to Regain Momentum

These are times when there’s much in our world that causes stress, frustration, and confusion. The past two years have been disrupted. Hopes that everything will return to what we used to think of as normal haven’t been realized. Strategies on which we formerly relied may no longer work. Students often respond in ways that are different than prior to the pandemic. We, too, are different than we were two years ago. Meanwhile, we feel pressure to perform, but may not have the energy, enthusiasm, and commitment we used to possess. All these factors can leave us feeling stuck. When we’re stuck in a cycle of frustration, confusion, and resentment, our natural reaction can be to continue to press, hoping things will get better. Yet, doing so can make things worse and even more difficult to change later. Doing more of what’s not working rarely is a good solution. Rather than continuing to push and persist, it may be time to take a new tact. We can start by accepting that no one is likely to fix the situation but us. While this is a statement of reality, it’s also a statement of empowerment. We may not be able to change the elements and factors that drive our situation, but we always have the power to change how we think, interpret, and respond to what’s happening around us. For things to get better, we may need to disrupt the cycle of emotion and action that’s holding us back and making us feel stuck. Here's a five-step process to step back from our frustrations, re-evaluate our situation, re-position ourselves, and re-engage in our lives and work with new perspectives, strategies, and commitment. First, we can relax. We don’t do our best thinking or make our best decisions when we’re stressed and pressed. We only make ourselves more tired, angry, anxious, or frustrated. We risk experiencing a cycle of unproductive thinking and unhelpful behaviors. Continuing to do what hasn’t been working and expecting a different outcome, in the words of Albert Einstein, is insanity. It’s time to slow down and take a break from doing and reacting. We start by setting time aside. Reserve a weekend day, or schedule a getaway weekend to pause, reflect, and explore what we’re experiencing. Second, we need to reflect. We begin this process by examining primary drivers of our stress, anxiety, or confusion. We can explore how we might look at the situation from another perspective. What assumptions are we making that may be getting in our way? What patterns can we see that may provide hints for how we can disrupt and shift our thinking and behavior? How might our thinking and what we’re doing contribute to what we now experience? The key is to focus on ourselves and what we can do rather than becoming preoccupied by factors and forces we can’t change. Third, we use our insights to refocus. We capture “nuggets” of clarity and opportunity from our reflection to identify what’s important to shift in our thinking and modify our behavior. Next, we consider what’s doable and what’ll make the greatest difference in how we feel and experience our life and work. The key isn’t to add on or cram more into life and work. The answer isn’t working harder. The solution is letting go of what isn’t adding value and satisfaction and replacing those things with what offers meaning and purpose. Our focus should be on what can lead to clear progress and promises meaningful accomplishments. If this step leaves us struggling, we consider enlisting a friend or colleague to help us sort our reflection and look for clues and insights we can glean to nourish our refocusing. Fourth, we recommit to our work and purpose, capturing the energy provided by the hope of changing our approach, making progress, and accomplishing what’s important to us. It’s time to let go of what’s been holding us back and embrace our new vision of what’s possible with new insights and a new approach. We step up to embrace the power we’ve claimed and clarity of purpose we’ve created. Fifth and finally, we reengage in our work. This step asks us to convert our insights and intentions to action, challenging ourselves to commit to what we can do today that’ll move us forward and closer to the vision we’ve created. Importantly, we also need to pay attention to what we’ll stop doing that’s been getting in the way. What choices we can make that’ll break the cycle that’s been holding us back? What can we do to be sure that every day we do something to make things better? How can we leverage the next two weeks to see clear progress? If we struggle, we might ask, who should we enlist to help us stay committed and provide coaching and encouragement when we need it? The truth is that we can’t always change our circumstances. Yet, we always can shift how we think and how we respond. Now may be a good time to relax, reflect, refocus, recommit, and reengage to become unstuck and find the success and satisfaction we seek.

February 10, 2023

Feeling Confused and Uncertain? Adopt These Five Life Principles

These can be confusing times. Deciding what to prioritize can be a challenge. Sorting options and choosing a direction aren't always easy tasks. Conflicting pressures and divergent forces too often drive confusion and uncertainty. We want clarity. We need guideposts and guidelines to help us discern a path forward. We need the stability of a set of principles that can give us flexibility while not losing our way. Fortunately, there are places we can turn. Consider these five Buddhist life and leadership principles that have been around for more than 2500 years. First, do the right thing and trust that the best outcome will follow. We like to feel in control, but life doesn’t always give us access to all the “levers” that'll align circumstances and determine outcomes. We can become so preoccupied with how things will turn out that we neglect to ask ourselves, What’s the right thing to do in this situation/circumstance? Yet, when we focus on doing what’s right, the outcome will likely take care of itself. Meanwhile, we’ll have the reassurance that we did what was right, not what was most convenient or comfortable. Second, remain open and curious. Life experiences can be helpful when we confront situations and circumstances that are routine and familiar. They can provide thinking and action shortcuts. However, experience leads us to think we know more than we do and assume more than we should. Experience can close our minds to possibilities, options, and new approaches. Often called the “beginner’s mind,” this principle invites us to open our mind, to ask questions, and be curious, even when we think we know what the answers should be. A beginner’s mind helps us to free ourselves from assumptions, beliefs, and bias that can confine our thinking and limit our success. Third, know your value and live your values: This principle invites us to be comfortable with who we are and appreciate the skills, talents, and intelligence we possess. When we know who we are, we act with confidence. We don’t need to continuously worry about how we’re perceived and what others might think. This principle also challenges us to live our values. We may not always measure up to our ideals, but we always have tomorrow to try again. Remarkably, when we know who we are and live what we value, others naturally respond positively and are more likely to follow our leadership. Fourth, avoid becoming preoccupied with winning and losing. Of course, we don’t want to experience the pain of losing, the embarrassment of a misstep, or the loss of perceived status. On the other hand, becoming focused on hearing praise, finding pleasure, and seeking applause can skew our judgement and leave us making choices that are driven by perception rather than by substance and good judgement. We can become anxious, manipulative, and caught up in short-term thinking. Meanwhile, when we let go of preoccupation with winning and losing, we free ourselves to think more clearly and lead more freely with our values. Fifth, practice empathy and compassion. Empathy and compassion lead us to focus our energy beyond ourselves. They expand our view and give us a larger context within which to understand our experiences and the world. Empathy and compassion promote insight and build connections. When we extend our caring to others, we feel better about ourselves, despite the circumstances and challenges we face. Life will always present complications and challenge our thinking and choices. However, by remaining focused on doing what’s right, remaining curious, living our values, remaining empathetic and compassionate, and taking life as it comes, we can find the path that’s right for us.

February 03, 2023

The Best Questions for Learning May Not Be Ours

As soon as children learn to speak, they begin to ask questions. We can even become frustrated and impatient with the number of questions children ask. Sometimes we may not feel we've the time to respond. At other times we may not know the answers, and we don’t have the energy to pursue them. Yet, questions are a crucial way for children to learn. Our responses can shut the door to asking and learning or open the door to further inquiry and more information. Later as children enter school, they come to understand that the important questions are the questions that adults ask. These questions point the way to where adults want students to give their attention. In fact, student questions often are discounted and treated more as distractions than they’re honored, respected, and used as possibilities to generate learning. Consequently, students learn to explore less of what they don’t know and ask fewer questions. Unfortunately, the messages students receive about their questions risk cutting off key paths to learning that can be generated by questions. When students aren’t encouraged to ask questions, they often discount their curiosity, tolerate their confusion, and default to the thoughts and attention leveraged by adults. In a world that increasingly demands new ideas, thrives on discovery, and rewards novel insights, discouraging questions delivers a serious disservice to our learners. Alternatively, if we reacquaint students with their imagination, honor their curiosity, and encourage their questions, we place in their hands a powerful tool for learning within and beyond what the formal curriculum presents. However, for most students, we need to reteach the role and value of questions to stimulate and support their learning. Let’s explore four ways we empower students to enhance their learning through questions they develop and ask. First, we can teach students to ask questions about their learning as they learn. For example, when students study a concept, reading text, or develop a skill, they can ask themselves questions about the meaning and application of what they’re learning. Their questions help them organize, focus, and absorb new information and strengthen their recall. In fact, creating and asking oneself questions while learning proves a more powerful learning tool than highlighting or underlining text or taking notes. Second when students ask questions that are more significant than seeking clarification and direction, we can resist providing immediate answers and join them in their learning search. We might begin by probing the source and implications of student questions to gain full understanding of what’s driving their questions. Further, we can engage with students to find answers, even when we might have a ready answer we could share. When we learn with students, we honor their interest and curiosity, and we provide them with approaches, options, and modeling they can use to learn independently. Third, we can teach students to frame worthy questions about their learning. For example, we might introduce a taxonomy, such as Bloom’s or Depth of Knowledge (DOK), to help students to understand and utilize multiple levels of thinking and complexity in questions they develop. Then we can coach students to ask deeper, more significant questions in class discussions, probe with deeper questions and thinking in their writing, and practice deeper reflection as they learn. Fourth, we can leverage growing questioning expertise among students by having them create some or all the questions they’ll be asked on a quiz or exam. At first, we might think this approach to be unproductive because students would know the questions in advance. However, if we coach students to create an array of meaningful, complex, relevant questions, their responses will demonstrate learning that may go well beyond what would have been demonstrated by unfamiliar questions at risk of being misunderstood or confusing to students. In fact, the process of developing good questions leads to greater understanding of content and enhanced organization of what has been learned than responding to questions developed by someone else. Asking questions isn't only a great way for young children to learn; questions are powerful drivers of learning regardless of age. Our challenge is to renew the natural tendency for children and young people to ask questions. However, we also can help them to frame, examine, and pursue questions that feature greater complexity, depth, and significance. When we do, we give them one of the most powerful tools for learning they can employ.

January 27, 2023

Feeling as Though Nothing Is Going Right? Try This

There are times during the year when we may feel as though nothing is going right. Student behavior may be slipping, and students are not responding as we expect. Our lesson plans may feel as though they’re not penetrating student consciousness and sticking the way we want. Our relationships with colleagues and friends may feel strained or stuck and in need of repair. And, despite our busyness, we may feel that we’re not getting as much done or making the amount of progress as we want. The cumulative impact can be overwhelming and seem to ask more than we can give. Yet, despite how we feel and how the situation may appear, rarely is it the case that nothing is working. Often, what’s not working is drawing so much of our attention, draining so much of our emotions, and sapping so much of our energy that we can’t see what is working well and not in need of fixing. In fact, close examination likely will reveal that far more is functioning well than is not. Rather than attempting to “fix” everything or consider giving up, we’re wise to step back and take an objective look at what faces us. Vilfredo Pareto, a 19th century Italian economist, proposed that in life 80% of the results we seek can be found in 20% of the issues we face. Dozens of subsequent research studies spanning business, sales, problem solving, investments, relationships, goals setting, and even learning have established that in most situations a focus on the correct 20% of a problem, situation, or effort will generate disproportionate positive results. The concept is now known as the Pareto Principle. Psychologist Joseph Juran extended Pareto’s theory to include the importance of focusing on the “vital few” rather than the “trivial many.” Our challenge is not to change everything, but to focus on the key elements and aspects of our situation where adjustments can generate the greatest positive impact. Let’s return to the examples shared in the first paragraph. It may seem that student behavior is universally bad. However, it’s more likely that a few students are creating the greatest number of problems, or that a few issues are driving reactions that spread more universally in the class. The secret to turning the situation around is not to change everything but institute an innovative approach. Rather, we can focus our attention on the subset of students who are the source of most misbehavior, analyze the behaviors that are problematic and their causes, and design an approach to address the source of the problem. Similarly, we might collect data on key issues that create the greatest concern among students and make adjustments that address those concerns without disrupting all routines and changing every expectation. We might address our distress about lesson planning and instructional design by observing and collecting data regarding when and where students seem to “tune out.” The information we collect can help us to focus on the specific activities, approaches, and strategies that don’t resonate with students. Of course, we also can enlist our students to help us discover and address specific areas in need of attention and adjustment. Rather than having to change everything, we’re likely to discover that a few shifts, such as integrating student interests, providing greater flexibility and choice, and being more explicit about the purpose and relevance of what students are asked to learn will make a substantial difference. When we think about relationships, we might consider which friends and colleagues mean the most to us and whose friendship we most want to maintain – think 20%. These are the people with whom we should aim to spend most of our social time and in whom we invest our emotions. Additionally, if our relationship concerns are with any of these people, we might think about 20% of the relationship that’s leading to conflict and distancing. These are the aspects of the relationship where we need to focus, invest, and fix. When we do, the other 80% likely will take care of itself. Similarly, there almost always are more tasks to be done and goals to address than there is time. Here the Pareto Principle also can help us to prioritize our attention and energy. Experience and research hold that by focusing on the 20% of tasks that matter most we can achieve 80% of what we need to accomplish. Specifically, we might make a list of what we need to accomplish in a day or week. Then we can consider the one task or goal that if accomplished would have the greatest impact. Next, we move to the item from the list that would generate the second greatest impact. Before long we will have identified the 20% of the items on the list that will generate 80% of the success we seek. Other items can be addressed as time and energy allow, but we can be assured we will accomplish what matters most and will make the greatest difference. It is natural to occasionally feel overwhelmed and uncertain as we face the challenges of life. However, we don’t have to give in to our feelings. When we step back and ask ourselves where lie the 20% that, if addressed, would make the greatest difference, we can find a path to success with the other 80%.

January 20, 2023

Six Learning-Based Strategies to Counter Cheating

It‘s disheartening when we discover that the work students submitted as representative of their learning is not their own. They may have copied the work of others without attribution. They may have had someone else do the work for them. They may have devised a way to secure test questions in advance or otherwise submitted work that wasn't a product of their learning. The list could go on. Of course, many reasons explain why students decide to cheat. Some students have poor time management discipline and run out of time to prepare. Some students believe they need to get a high grade and assume they won’t achieve it on their own. Some students believe others are cheating, and they too must cheat to compete. Other students aren’t interested in what they’re asked to learn, and cheating seems like a workable shortcut. Still others just assume they won’t be caught. The wide range of forces and factors that lead to cheating argue for more than a single strategy to counter the behavior. We need to think beyond threats, punishments, and logistical strategies that may challenge cheating but fail to address the root causes. Our efforts to counter the behavior needs to be multi-part and responsive to what typically motivates students to cheat. Here are six strategies we can consider, adapt, and adopt. We can start by being clear about what constitutes cheating. Students typically are aware of the most blatant forms of cheating, but they may not have thought about other behaviors that fall within its definition. We might provide examples, share stories, and engage students in conversations about what cheating is and what it’s not. We might explain legal considerations related to plagiarism and similar issues, depending on the ages of our students. We need to be clear that cheating is dishonest, unacceptable, or a sign of poor judgement. Most importantly, we need to communicate to students that it violates the trust we place in them, trust which is central to our relationship. For many students, this step alone is enough to have them hesitate and reconsider cheating as an option. A second strategy is to avoid over-emphasizing grades and placing excessive pressure on students to attain them. For example, we need to provide multiple low stakes opportunities for students to demonstrate and measure their learning throughout teaching and learning cycles. We can remind students that grades are intended to reflect their learning; they aren’t the reason for it. Additionally, we need to avoid student-to-student competition that drives status and image, which can leave students feeling pressure to find shortcuts to winning. A third strategy is to make sure learning is meaningful and purposeful for students. When students are interested in what they’re learning, see utility in skills they develop, and feel ownership for their progress, cheating becomes less attractive. The secret for us is to connect what students are asked to learn, to what we know about them, and to what motivates them to learn. For example, we might give choices about how students will approach their learning, what materials they may use, and how they’ll share and display their work. Of course, when we show interest in what students are learning and sincerely engage with them in the learning process, we create a more authentic and engaging experience. A fourth approach is to focus on the process of learning over its product or outcome. We can focus our attention on the learning path students experience. We can offer feedback, praise their efforts and strategies, and engage them in conversations about their learning. Even a short conversation can indicate whether a student is learning and where they might be struggling. Interestingly, the more students know how much we know about their learning progress the more difficult is their decision to cheat. A fifth strategy is to treat cheating as misbehavior and consider teaching over punishment. Cheating, like other misbehavior, is an error in judgement and reflects poor decision-making. We can think about what lesson needs to be learned, not what punishment to exact. Our goal is to have students not repeat the behavior. While there may be consequences, we also need to give students strategies to deal with situations in which they might choose to cheat. As examples, they might come to us for additional assistance, request an extension for submitting a project, or learn better time management strategies. A sixth and final strategy is to provide structures and supports that discourage cheating. We might construct assessments that have students compose responses rather than select from a list or provided options. We can construct assessments that focus on deeper understanding than dates and facts. We also need to be clear about resources students can and cannot access and use during the assessment. Of course, the more our assessments involve learning performances, explanations, and applications, the more difficult it is to cheat. As noted earlier, there’s no one way to prevent students from deciding to cheat. Students look for shortcuts for many reasons. However, we can provide a learning environment and community that makes cheating less necessary and attractive. And when cheating happens, we can use it as an opportunity to teach rather than punish.

January 19, 2023

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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Five Motivational Secrets From Research You Can Use Now

Much of our lesson planning time and energy is spent figuring out how best to motivate students to learn. We know that even the best content and crucial academic skills can go unlearned unless students are motivated. We also know that the best learning motivation comes from within students, not in response to external incentives and consequences attached to whether students choose to learn. Of course, some learning inherently is interesting, meaningful, and attractive for students. Known as intrinsic motivation, this drive to learn is commonly generated by one or more of the following conditions: Students feel confident in their ability to succeed. Students see their actions as directly contributing to an outcome. Students find value or are interested in what they’re learning. Students expect the learning effort they’re giving will lead to a sense of belonging or approval. So, what might these conditions look like in practice? Consider these five research supported examples to generate even more possibilities. It benefits students to see that what they’re learning is important or fun. The keys are for learning to be purposeful and to keep the focus on learning benefits, not grades. If students perceive learning as fun, adding dimensions to make it even more fun enhances the learning experience. Interestingly, according to research, if students see learning as important, adding a dimension of fun has little positive impact on their learning. Encourage students to share their best learning strategies and advice with another student to create learning advantages. Students often find getting advice from another student easier and more comfortable than from an adult. Surprisingly, studies show the greatest impact from students sharing advice can be on the student who shares the advice. Coach students to engage in productive self-talk. For example, students can remind themselves that they’re capable, competent, and creative and can recall past successful situations. Also, students may remind themselves of the consequences for not completing an assignment or feeling disappointment if they fail in their work. Another way is to encourage students to set up routines and organize their immediate environment to create a state of mental readiness and reduce interruptions. For example, students choose to follow consistent steps as they organize study materials, put away distractions, and get ready to focus. They also may establish consistent locations where they study. The consistency of preparation and location makes getting started easier as it becomes the next step of a familiar routine in a comfortable space. For extended learning sessions, having more than one location to shift to after an hour or so creates a motivating enhancement. Finally, we can give students procedural and cognitive choices. In contrast to organizational choices, such as choosing where to sit or what partners with whom to work, procedural choices invite students to decide how they’ll approach an assignment or display their learning. Cognitive choices extend to strategies students will use to engage in their work, prior learning and skills they’ll employ, and what processes they’ll use to solve a problem. While organizational choices provide students a sense of belonging, procedural choices generate early motivation for students to get started and cognitive choices generate interest, ownership, and commitment to learning activities. We know each student arrives with different needs, interests, and aspirations. The more we know about them the better able we’re to design experiences and present learning tasks they’ll find motivating. However, our long-term goal needs to be for students to recognize how they can motivate themselves. These five research-based strategies are a great place for them to start. Sources: Sparks, S. (2022, April 24). 3 Counterintuitive findings about motivation that teachers can use. Education Week. Stefanou, C. R., Perencevich, K. C., DiCintio, M., & Turner, J. C. (2004). Supporting autonomy in the classroom: Ways teachers encourage student decision making and ownership. Educational Psychologist, 39(2), 97–110. https://doi.org/10.1207/s15326985ep3902_2

January 06, 2023

Six “Prescriptions” for Building Our Emotional Reserves

We may feel as though some aspects of our lives and work have returned to normal. Yet, we still face pressure and challenges to ensure that our students are on track and on schedule with their learning. Many of our students have significant emotional and mental health challenges resulting from disruptions in their lives over the past three years. Meanwhile, political issues and conflicts play an increasing role in our work. Of course, many challenges and frustrations before the pandemic remain. These factors tax our emotional reserves and leave us feeling empty and deflated, which result in frequent periods of tiredness, feelings of separation or loneliness, and episodes of frustration and disappointment. These symptoms may be mild or intense, but they signal that our emotional reserves need to be replenished. The truth is we can't do our best work and remain healthy unless we’re attentive to the state of our emotional well-being. Fortunately, several actions can ensure our emotional reserves remain at a comfortable level, whether we’re facing unusual challenges or just wanting to feel connected and emotionally healthy. We might think of these as “remedies” or “prescriptions” to maintain a healthy emotional state, leading to amazing results. At least once this week and every week after, do something for someone without being asked or expected. Even better, do something the person could not do or would have difficulty doing themselves. Focus on how good you feel afterwards, not on whether you’ve been thanked. Repeat weekly as needed. Spend at least a half-hour of quality time with someone close to you, such as family members, close friends, and neighbors. Make sure to be fully present and engaged. The time of day when you engage in this activity is less important than its regularity. Repeat daily, if possible. Each day for the next week, identify at least one important aspect of your life for which you’re grateful. Take time to reflect on its importance and how your life would be without it. By the end of the week, you’ll have the beginning of a habit. Continue regularly for best results. Set aside time for at least three days this week to take a walk or drive to an area that you enjoy and which gives you peace. It matters less whether you experience the same place or explore new areas than whether you focus on and appreciate the experience. Repeat this activity regularly for the best results. Initiate a connection with at least one new person or neglected acquaintance this week. The connection may be virtual or in person. At first, this activity may require some discipline to engage with more people around you. Just be alert to possibilities. Give preference to people you find interesting and pleasant to engage. Repeating weekly ensures a large and interesting group of people with whom you enjoy connecting. At least once this week take some time to formulate a plan to do something to which you’ll look forward. Next week, add details to or expand the plan, or you might begin construction of yet another plan. Before you know it, you’ll have more to look forward to than you can imagine. It may seem as though following all these prescriptions will result in overload. If so, we simply select a few actions that feel doable given our current energy “bandwidth.” But we need to remember that the more we follow these prescriptions the better we’ll feel. We’ll likely find they’re more fulfilling than they’ll be overloading and finding time will be less of a challenge than we think. On the other hand, engaging in all these activities will leave us less time to feel lonely, discouraged, and frustrated.

December 23, 2022

An Often Hidden Consequence of Childhood Trauma

We know the impact trauma can have on the health and spirit of young lives in its immediate aftermath. We also often see the aftereffects of trauma for months following serious incidents and tragic occurrences. Obviously, these experiences are difficult enough when they’re happening, but now research shows that the damage children suffer can create long-term changes to their DNA. Sadly, research shows that the impact of early-in-life trauma stays with young people as they grow and can make them vulnerable to even more trauma later in life. Researchers at the University of Wisconsin-Madison and others in a research collaborative recently completed a ten-year study of the effects of childhood stress on the genetic chemistry of victims. Researchers observed that young people who’ve suffered childhood trauma often have genetic markers on specific genes. The markers, known as epigenetic modifications, determine whether the genes will function properly. These genetic markers influence emotional regulation, including susceptibility to depression, vulnerability to drug dependency, and other mental health challenges. The study also revealed that victims of childhood trauma often don’t recall their experience accurately, possibly because they were too young, or they’ve blocked all or parts of their memory. Consequently, the experiences and their effects can be ignored or misread. Researchers hope that the research will lead to more accurate and stable diagnoses of later life aftereffects. With further development, the findings may also open the possibility for treatment. Educators have suspected for a very long time that serious trauma during childhood can have lasting implications for students. The challenge has been to understand the implications and provide help. Since this research defines and documents the problem in genetic terms, it positions it to receive additional attention. The findings might also hold promise for the development of treatment protocols. Research points to the importance of partnerships between the research and medical communities and the mental health and education communities to develop supports and services and advocate for solutions. It’s difficult to predict how quickly genetic-related treatment in response to past trauma will be available. However, this research reinforces the importance of public policies that prevent or minimize social conditions associated with childhood trauma. Fighting poverty, supporting families, and providing employment aren’t just worthy aims. Effective public policies can prevent the life tragedies trauma can cause and life compromising effects that result. These policies also make good long-term economic sense. This research and what we have long known about the effects of childhood trauma make a strong case for us to partner with other local, regional, and national organizations and agencies. It’s imperative to advocate for better public policies and funding for research to mitigate and potentially reverse the lifelong effects of these tragic experiences. We’ve no time to waste. Each day more children suffer trauma and preventable tragic events in their lives. For those young people who’ve already lived through their own trauma, we need to do our best to provide hope and help.

December 23, 2022

Six Priceless Gifts That Cost Us Nothing

In many cultures this is a time of the year when gifts are given to family, friends, colleagues, and others. The tradition generates feelings of generosity and gratitude, but it also can feel like a burden and obligation. During an already busy and pressure-filled time, we find ourselves stretching budgets, pressing for time, and searching our brains for gift ideas. Unfortunately, gift giving under these conditions can risk us missing the value of gifts given freely and thoughtfully with the gift receiver in mind. Gift giving should not feel like an obligation. Gifts that matter most, regardless of the time of year or tradition, come from our hearts filled with the joy and happiness of the receiver in mind. In fact, some of the most precious gifts we can give aren’t tangible objects or expensive selections. The gifts that matter most often cost the least and are given without expectation or obligation. Here are six gifts we can offer now or at any time of the year that communicate our caring, demonstrate our generosity, and cost us nothing. Most important, they can be priceless to those who receive them. The first gift is our simple, attentive listening. Listening communicates respect and value. Our willingness to be still and really listen to others offers a precious gift to those who need to be heard and want to be understood. We don’t have to have all the answers. We may have no solutions to offer, but our willingness to give our time, dedicate our attention, and care matters more than we know. A second gift is our willingness to accept others without pre-conditions and expectations. Our society, our communities, our schools, and even our families are becoming more diverse. People who see life differently from us, whose lifestyles may be different from ours, and whose goals are not goals we would choose to pursue still deserve to be accepted for who they are. Yet, they often face barriers, discrimination, and pressures to conform that is debilitating. Our willingness to accept and value those who may not be exactly like us is a welcome gift and gives reassurance of their inherent value as a person. The third gift is our willingness to offer encouragement and give support to those who may be struggling and need someone who believes in them and wants them to succeed. However, our encouragement needs to be authentically offered and our support genuinely extended. Often just knowing that we’re confident in them and their potential to succeed is enough to encourage them through their struggle and to get them to move forward. A fourth gift is to reach out and lend a hand without expectations or obligations. Our willingness to give our energy, insight, skills, and time can be a relief-giving gift when someone feels overwhelmed, inadequate, and alone. We may not see our assistance as special or unusual, but when offered at just the right time, freely given, and obligation-free our offer of assistance can be a burden lifting and much appreciated gift. The fifth gift is our willingness to forgive, let go of past grievances, and restore relationships. Disappointment, resentment, and separation result in heavy burdens for those who harbor these feelings and for those who are the object of them. The feelings may have roots in legitimate grievances. Past actions may have caused hurt. However, hurt feelings and grievances rarely maintain any value over time. Deciding to forgive, let go, and restore relationships that matter to us create valuable, life-lifting gifts. The sixth gift may be simplest, yet it can make an outsized difference. That gift is a smile. A genuine smile assures others we see and notice them. A smile offers hope and communicates caring. It’s difficult to ignore a bright and friendly smile. A smile brightens the day. It‘s said that “If we meet someone too worried or distressed to give us a smile, we should leave one of ours. For no one needs a smile quite as much as someone who has none to give.” Of course, these gifts also offer special value to us as their givers. Each of these gifts enrich our lives, make us more optimistic, and leave us feeling happier.

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Six Priceless Gifts That Cost Us Nothing

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