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Six “Prescriptions” for Maintaining Your Emotional Health – Even Now

One of the most challenging aspects of surviving the pandemic has been to protect our mental health and feelings of well-being. We may be separated from family and unable to be with loved ones regularly. We may be working from home and unable to see and engage with colleagues and coworkers in person. Many activities we took for granted prior to the pandemic may now seem too risky. Further, even with the prospect that vaccines will be available at some point, it will still be some time before they become available to us all. All of these factors can combine to tax our emotional reserves and leave us feeling empty and deflated. This condition is often experienced in symptoms such as frequent periods of tiredness, feelings of separation or loneliness, and episodes of frustration and disappointment. The symptoms may be mild or more intense, but they can be signs that our emotional reserves need to be replenished. Of course, when the pandemic is over and the danger of the virus has passed, some of the causes will disappear. However, the need to remain attentive to the state of our emotional well-being will remain important. Fortunately, there are a number of actions we can take to ensure our emotional reserves remain at a comfortable level whether we are facing unusual challenges or just wanting to feel connected and emotionally healthy. We might think of these as “prescriptions” we can follow to maintain a healthy emotional state. Follow these suggestions and you will be amazed at how well your emotions respond.

At least once this week and every week after, do something for someone without being asked or expected. Even better, do something the person can’t do or would have difficulty doing themselves. Focus on how good you are feeling afterward, not on whether you have been thanked. Repeat weekly as needed.
Spend at least a half-hour of quality time with someone close to you. Family members, close friends, and neighbors are good options. Just be sure to be fully present and engaged. The time of day when you engage in this activity is less important than its regularity. Repeat daily, if possible.
Each day for the next week, identify at least one important aspect of your life for which you are grateful. Take time to reflect on its importance and how your life would be without it. By the end of the week, you will have the beginning of a habit. Continue regularly for best results.
Set aside time on at least three days this week to take a walk or drive to an area that you enjoy and gives you peace. It matters less that you experience the same place or explore new areas than whether you focus on and appreciate the experience. Repeat this activity regularly for best results.
Initiate a connection with at least one new person or neglected acquaintance this week. The connection may be virtual or in person. At first, this activity may require some discipline to engage with more people around you. Just be alert to possibilities. Give preference to people you find interesting and pleasant to engage. Repeating weekly will ensure a large and interesting group of people with whom you enjoy connecting.
At least once this week take some time to formulate a plan to do something you will look forward to. It might be something you can do during the pandemic, or an activity or trip in which you might engage once COVID is behind us. Next week, add details to or expand the plan, or you might begin construction of another plan. Before you know it, you will have more to look forward to than you can yet imagine.

It may seem as though doing all of these prescriptions would result in overload. Still, the more you follow these prescriptions, the better you will feel. In reality, you will likely find that they are more fulfilling than they will be overloading and finding time will be less of a challenge than you think. On the other hand, engaging in all of these activities will leave less time to feel lonely, discouraged, and frustrated.

December 28, 2020

Where Can We Find Peace?

This is a time of year when we often hear the word “peace.” Some think of peace as a symbol of the holiday season. For many of us, peace is a word used to express our hope for the future. Peace is an idea with multiple meanings. Yet, across our nation and around the world, it is the hope driving much of what we search for in life. For those who are experiencing conflict, even war, peace might symbolize a world without violence and a commitment to settle differences and build understanding without resorting to destructive conflict. Peace might represent a nation that has rediscovered what binds us together and the important interests we share. Peace also can be found in a family without constant conflict, where relationships are stronger than self-interests and winning. Peace might represent life balance in which physical, emotional, and spiritual elements are in harmony. Peace might also come through the realization that we are nurturing important skills and a love of learning among our students that will open the doors to a successful and satisfying future. Of course, peace in any of these contexts is not easy to achieve, but it is more than worth the effort. At times, finding peace means making a greater commitment and searching more intensely. At other times, finding peace means letting go and accepting life as we experience it. Others rarely can tell us what we must do and what choices we should make. The answer to where and how to find peace lies within each of us. We must look inward to discover what we need. We can start by reflecting on what we value and what really matters to us. If we are to commit and persist to find peace, we need to know what we are searching for and why it is worth the pursuit. This step may sound as though it should be easy, but life has a way of interrupting and distracting us from discovering this important truth. Quiet reflection, self-honesty, and inward exploration can be useful strategies to help us. We can also think about who we value and what they mean to us. In the heat of conflict, we can forget that to achieve our most important goals we usually need others to guide, support, and even challenge us. Who are those people in your life? Do they know how much you value them? Peace is especially fulfilling when it is shared. As we think about the world beyond us we may despair, thinking that we are only one person. How can we hope to bring peace? What difference can we make? The truth is that real, lasting peace will be built by people like us who care enough to try, are committed enough to work toward it, and humble enough to share the work and credit with others. Big dreams are not necessarily more costly than small ones, but they can make a much greater difference. In this holiday season, may you find peace. Cherish it, share it, and build on it.

December 21, 2020

Seven Ways to Make Our Lives Joy-Filled—Now

A friend commented to me recently that “It seems as though the pandemic has taken the joy out of life.” It is true that we have faced more than our share of disappointments, stresses, and uncertainties over the past year. Yet, I was left to wonder whether the statement is true. Has the pandemic robbed us of joy or is there a better way to think about the situation that would give us more power and control? Can we find joy despite the pandemic? Might the experience of the pandemic even give us reasons to seek joy? Where might we look to discover joy despite our circumstances? With some research and time spent reflecting, a few things became clear to me. Joy is not something that originates externally. Joy comes from within. It is not driven by what happens to or around us. Joy grows out of decisions and commitments we make and priorities we set and pursue. In fact, our commitment to find and experience joy is part of what can make joy a more likely experience for us. Joy can be defined as a long-term state of peace and contentment. It can be experienced in the moment as delight, but true joy is created, nurtured, and experienced over time. Consequently, our search for joy needs to grow out of pursuits that provide more than temporary ecstasy or momentary happiness. Here are seven actions we can take to increase the joy we experience each day, week, and year, even amid a pandemic and other difficult conditions. First, we can choose to find and experience joy. The pandemic will end – soon we hope – but the end of the pandemic offers no guarantee of joy. We may experience relief, but joy is much more than removal of a burden or stress. In fact, waiting until joy finds us may mean we never experience it. Conversely, like many things in life we are most likely to find what we look for. As a second step, we can seek authenticity in our experiences. We can treasure time spent with family. We can find ways to serve and improve the lives of others. We can learn a new skill that gives us pleasure and satisfaction. Meaningful experiences ground us. They help us to appreciate life even when everything is not perfect. But we need to pay attention. Meaningful times can pass us by if we fail to reflect on and savor them. Third, we can live in the moment. Letting go of regrets from the past and choosing not to worry about aspects of the future we cannot control can free us to focus on what we are experiencing now that can bring joy and satisfaction. We can allow the burden of past missteps and mistakes to hold us back or we can let them go and focus on how we can be our best selves today. We can choose to worry about the future, but what we do today is more likely to determine our future than what we cannot know or control in the days ahead. Fourth, we can set worthy, meaningful goals that will stretch us beyond our comfort zone and lead us to take some risks, learn something new, and become more capable. Working toward important goals can give us a sense of control, invite us to measure progress, and offer a reason to celebrate our accomplishments. Achievement of meaningful goals can also lead us to reflect on our efforts with pride and experience joy. Fifth, we can nurture a sense of gratitude. The more we focus on what we have to be grateful for, the more we see the positive side of life. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we may not have to an appreciation for what life and those around us have given us. The more we practice gratitude the more we see reasons to be thankful and experience joy. Gratitude can improve our attitudes and enrich our lives. In the words of David Steindl-Rast: “It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us joyful.” Sixth, we can spend our time with positive people. We can treasure those in our family and our friends who bring a positive attitude and spirit to life. We can also seek out new friends and acquaintances who lift our perspective on life and make us better. Research and experience show that our attitudes and perspectives tend to reflect those of people with whom we choose to spend time. We need to choose people who bring us joy. Seventh, we can find reasons to laugh. Laughter is contagious. It is difficult to be somber and negative when we are laughing. We can read, watch movies, listen to stories, or engage in other activities that stimulate healthy laughter. When we laugh, our brains release endorphins that make us feel better and more joyful. Laughter also offers the additional benefits of stress release and has even been shown to improve our immune systems. The bottom line is that we all can experience joy, if we choose to seek it. The pandemic has been a difficult challenge, but it does not have to rob us of joy. We can choose to make this time joyful. It is within our power.

December 15, 2020

Embrace the Power of Acceptance

Some things in life are difficult to understand. People who have family members with severe health problems or disabilities often say that their lives are enriched and their family member is a blessing. Internationally renowned scientist, theorist, and author Stephen Hawking suffered from a debilitating neurological disease that confined him to a wheelchair and forced him to speak using a computerized voice. Yet, many consider him the greatest scientist of our time. We also hear of people who have confronted other challenges and life setbacks and have gone on to build successful careers, live fulfilling lives, and find peace with what they have experienced. In a more temporal context, this has been a challenging, stressful, and disorienting year. At times it is even difficult to clearly recall what life was like at the beginning of 2020 since so much has happened in the interim. We are living through a worldwide pandemic. The political landscape has been unusually divisive. And for a large portion of the population, economic survival has been a challenge. The list could go on. For many of us, the statement “I just want my life back.” might sound familiar. Certainly, the life we have experienced in the past year and continue to experience may not be what we would have chosen. We also do not know what the future holds and how long the current situation will last. The key question is: How should we respond? Mental health professionals point to a single action that can make a dramatic difference in our attitude and lives. It is also the secret Stephen Hawking knew and is shared by individuals and families who have lived through and with hardships. That secret is acceptance. The English Oxford Dictionary defines acceptance as a willingness to tolerate a difficult situation. We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we do not have to allow them to control or change us. Acceptance gives us the power to make choices about our path forward. The element of choice and what we do with it can be crucial to our mental health. If we allow ourselves to become resentful, disengaged, disconnected, and directionless, our situation can negatively affect our mental state and even our physical health. If we choose to accept the reality of what we face, we can free ourselves from preoccupation, disconnect from its power over us, and choose to move forward despite its presence. We can cling to behaviors, routines, and perceptions that used to work, but no longer fit our circumstances. We can resent the ways in which we now have to engage in social behavior to avoid significant health risks. We can despair with daily schedules that often must flex in response to circumstances that determine whether we are instructing students in-person or remotely. Or, we can choose another path. We can let go of “what used to be” and deal with what is. Acceptance can be a strategic response that opens options and positions us to move forward productively. We did not cause the pandemic, trigger political turmoil, or create current economic conditions. They do not have to determine who we are and what we do. Rather than allow life’s disruptions to exhaust and depress us, we can choose to find meaning, purpose, and productivity in them. Obviously, each of us has experiences unique to us and what we choose may vary. Nevertheless, there are some places and touch points where we can begin:

Take some time to inventory and become clear about areas of your life where you are struggling most. Understanding the source and focus of your frustration and disappointment may offer insights into changes you might make and actions you can take.
Commit to take control. Once you understand that your circumstances do not have to confine you, you can choose what to do.
Identify changes you might make despite the circumstances you face. Might learning a new skill, pursuing a new interest, developing a new hobby, and reconnecting with friends be places to start?
Clarify initial steps in the direction you have chosen. Schedule a time to get started. Collect the resources you will need. Invite others who might take the journey with you.
Give yourself permission to “let go” of feelings and thoughts that may hold you back or paralyze you from taking action.

Each of us will have our own path, but we all can start by experiencing the value and freeing power of acceptance.

December 07, 2020

Lessons From a Mountain Stream

This past year has presented us with challenges we might not have imagined, disruptions we could not anticipate, and lessons to learn that we might not have chosen. It has been a year of rough spots, occasional setbacks, and searching for answers and solutions. The year reminds me of a metaphor I heard several years ago. The metaphor employs a mountain brook as a reflection of how life can be. The brook bounces over rocks, races through rapids, tumbles over waterfalls, jostles through twists and turns and occasionally detours into side ponds and pools as it flows down the mountain. Yet, despite the often rough path, the mountain water is clean, cool, and sparkling fresh. If dammed up, held in place away from the brook and the jostling and hazards of the stream bed, the same water becomes stale, dark, and smelly. Ironically, it is the tumbling and jostling of the water’s path that keeps it fresh and pure. For most of us, the year has felt as though it was filled with rocks, rapids, and waterfalls. Yet, as the metaphor points out, only by allowing ourselves to risk bruising by life’s rocky stretches and surprised by hidden waterfalls can we remain fresh, flexible, and growing in our personal and professional lives. When we choose to pull back and begin to avoid the risks and opportunities that life offers, we can lose our sparkle, our focus, and our commitment to continue growing and learning. Over time we can become as stagnant and stale as a dammed-up pool of water. The past year has provided a generous serving of challenges and maybe more than our share of “opportunities.” We have endured the uncertainty of an invisible and aggressive virus and navigated through economic uncertainty and instability. We have also celebrated with students who have achieved despite the distractions and challenges they have faced. We have found ways to work together to solve complex, difficult problems, and have even begun planning for what may come next. So, how might we think about the year ahead and how might we best find our way around the next bend and down the rapids that lie ahead? First, we can remember to “stay loose.” We will experience fewer bruises if we avoid resisting too much and landing too hard. Second, we can find our “flow.” The brook has a rhythm that once found, can help us keep our balance and stay upright most of the time. Third, we need stay vigilant about what may lie ahead. The sooner we can see what is coming, the better prepared we can be. Finally, we can commit to enjoying the scenery. If we look for it, we will likely see and experience surprises, thrills, and delights beyond what we might imagine.

November 30, 2020

Choose to Have Your Best Life Now

An old man says to his grandson: “There’s a fight going on inside me. It’s a terrible fight between two wolves. One is evil—angry, greedy, jealous, arrogant, and cowardly. The other is good—peaceful, loving, modest, generous, honest, and trustworthy. These two wolves are also fighting within you, and every other person too.” After a moment, the boy asks, “Which wolf will win?” The old man smiles. “The one you feed.” Most of us can relate to this parable. Our wolves may not represent the stark contrasts of good and evil. They may more closely resemble the contrasts of being anxious, frustrated, pessimistic, and fearful—or calm, peaceful, happy, optimistic, and productive. But regardless, the wolf we choose to feed will be the truth and the reality of the world we live in. This is important, because the wolf we feed will be the one we most often communicate to our students, colleagues, friends, and family members. And our choice will shape the relationship and the influence we have on these important people in our lives. So what does “feeding” in this context mean? And what are some practical things we can do to make sure we are feeding the right wolf? Because the truth is there is really only one worth pursuing—for our own happiness and success and the happiness and success of those around us. First, we can examine what we give most of our attention to. Is it to news stories that feed our worst penchant for what is negative or sordid and conversations that promote anger and polarization? Or is our attention focused around those influences that make us feel more optimistic, happy, and productive? Second, we can make better choices about our attitude. Realistically, few people have a good attitude 100% of the time. But still, we must remember that our attitude is a choice. People who have what we would call a good attitude may not have one naturally. They choose to have one, and their continuous choice to do so then becomes a habit. Like anything else we want to conquer in life, forming the right habits takes work. So does turning our poor attitudes into better attitudes. Third, we can take a good look at who we are spending the most time with. Are our friends and associates influencing us in the ways we want to be influenced? Is their example helping us pursue the highest aspirations we have for ourselves? If not, perhaps we need to rethink these associations and choose ones who help us become our best possible selves. After all, we already know the power of associations when it comes to student achievement. Students who hang out with high achievers become higher achievers themselves. So it is with us. Fourth, we can take a hard look at what we expect. We tend to find what we are looking for. If we expect people to be basically good, we tend to find the good in people. If we expect them to be untrustworthy, we will find that too. Indeed, if we want the wolf within us to be good, peaceful, generous, and optimistic, not only will we begin to expect these things in ourselves, but we will search for and find the things in our world that confirm and support these attributes. Without doubt, there will be numerous things in our experience that will serve to counter our positive expectations. Yet, we can choose again and again to seek out real and tangible proof that the best things in life are still ahead of us. And if we do, we are highly likely to find them.

November 23, 2020

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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The Crucial Connection Between Hope and Toughness

During difficult times, hope can be a powerful force. History is filled with stories of people who held on to hope when they faced circumstances that were incredibly dark and filled with seemingly unmeetable challenges. We might recall the years Nelson Mandela spent in prison and the difficulties faced by survivors of concentration camps. We hear of people lost in dangerous weather or injured in remote locations who find a way to survive against incredible odds. Each of these stories have a common theme: Hope was a driving factor to continue to persist and struggle, even when there seemed little reason for optimism. Certainly, we are facing difficult times now. This has been a bewildering year. The pandemic has upended our lives. Political events and conflicts have led to disappointment and confusion. Lack of progress on important social issues has been disheartening. Our professional lives have been disrupted and learning opportunities for our students have been compromised. Hope may seem to be in short supply. Yet, hope is what we need to carry us through. It is hope that can give us the strength and courage to press on, find new answers, and build a future worthy of our past. Yet, hope is not blind optimism. Optimism alone can lead to pipe dreams and wishful thinking that can easily be dashed by reality. We need to be able to face reality without becoming overwhelmed by it. The good news is that hope comes from within and is not driven by external circumstances. In fact, hope gives us the ability to face and overcome the circumstances and difficulties we experience. Hope gives us a sense of control in response to adverse circumstances and difficult challenges. Hope does not mean waiting for a superhero to save us or a silver bullet solution. Hope is a serious weapon for serious times. So, how can we generate and embrace hope during times like these? We can start by reflecting on and examining what matters most to us. What gives us a sense of purpose? What provides us with meaning and direction for our energy and efforts? What will bring joy, satisfaction, and contentment? The answers to these questions can tell us where to focus and find hope. We also need to answer for ourselves how our focus and commitment will make us a better person and improve the lives of those around us. Research shows that when our hope is centered on making our lives better and improving the lives others, we are more likely to remain committed and hopeful in the face of challenges and disappointment than when we focus solely on ourselves. Further, living and sustaining hope driven by purpose requires a positive attitude, a specific plan, a clear vision, and the discipline to work toward it. Hope is kept alive by what we do each day. We need to be specific about the actions we will take every day to move forward. The more specific we are, the more likely we will follow through and develop behavioral patterns and habits that will sustain us. The clearer our goals, the more likely we will achieve them. Of course, choosing to have a positive, action-oriented attitude can help carry us through days that try our patience and tempt us to despair. Hope is not for weaklings and “fraidy cats.” Hope asks us to be tough, resilient, and focused. Hope is within our control. It is not determined by circumstances or the actions of others. We can make it through difficult times and serious challenges if we choose to hope, remain focused, and are courageous. The good news is that hope leads us to a meaningful life, a sense of control, and pride in who we are and what we have accomplished.

November 02, 2020

Brand New Research: A Potential Game-Changer for Learning to Pass Along to Teachers

School opened this fall with students learning in a variety of settings and under multiple conditions. Some settings are long familiar to educators and students. Others have emerged in recent months in response to the need to maintain safe and sustainable distances and reduce exposure to the virus. Yet, regardless of the location and setting in which education occurs, we want to be certain that students learn and succeed. Of course, educators will rely mostly on the strategies and techniques they have known to be effective in the past. Some will continue to produce expected results. Others will fall short when applied in a virtual/hybrid setting or another novel context. Yet, there is new research published this past June by the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences that holds the potential to lift the performance of students across physical settings and disciplines without regard to past performance. The construct, known as strategic mindset, draws on what we already know about metacognition—thinking about and being aware of our thinking—and applies these skills in strategic ways. The team of researchers, including Carol Dweck of Growth Mindset fame, demonstrated that learners who employed a strategic mindset were significantly better able to solve problems, reach goals, and improve performance over those who might rely on intelligence, persistence, or experience alone. Equally important, a strategic mindset appears to be effective across a variety of applications and life functions. The construct involves people asking themselves questions about their work, learning, problem solving and other challenges to improve efficiency and effectiveness. Questions such as “Is there another way to do this better?” “How else can I do this?” and “What can I do to help myself?” can build consciousness about the challenge or goal and open new paths and strategies to achieve success. The research demonstrated the effectiveness of employing a strategic mindset across diverse endeavors such as professional, education, health, and fitness goals. In fact, the researchers documented significant differences in performance even when results were controlled for intelligence. Even more important, researchers demonstrated that a strategic mindset can be taught. In fact, positive effects were demonstrated with as little “priming” as having participants read about the construct and how it can be applied to learning and goal attainment. If you are curious about the application of a strategic mindset and whether you have one, the team of researchers developed a questionnaire you can take to find out. Rate yourself on the following statements using a scale of 1 (never) to 5 (all the time): When you are stuck on something, how often do you ask yourself: “What are things I can do to help myself?” 1 2 3 4 5 Whenever you feel like you are not making progress, how often do you ask yourself: “Is there a better way of doing this?” 1 2 3 4 5 Whenever you feel frustrated with something, how often do you ask yourself: “How can I do this better?” 1 2 3 4 5 In moments when you feel challenged, how often do you ask yourself: “What are things I can do to make myself better at this?” 1 2 3 4 5 When you are struggling with something, how often do you ask yourself: “What can I do to help myself?” 1 2 3 4 5 Whenever something feels difficult, how often do you ask yourself: “What can I do to get better at this?” 1 2 3 4 5 The higher you score, the more likely you are to have a strategic mindset. If you want to improve, make it a habit to ask yourself these questions whenever you face a challenge, engage in a difficult task, or want to achieve a goal. The biggest benefit: Regardless of the learning context within which your students find themselves, using these questions to focus their attention can make a difference. With practice, students will soon develop additional learning and progress strategies that lead to improved learning and better goal attainment. Source: Chen, P., Powers, J. T., Katragadda, K. R., Cohen, G. L., and Dweck, C. S. (2020) A strategic mindset: An orientation toward strategic behavior during goal pursuit. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 117(25), 14066-14072. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.2002529117

August 31, 2020

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