The Master Teacher Blog

We have many tools for communicating at our disposal. We can make powerful statements, present compelling arguments, and ask compelling questions. We can shout, whisper, speak quickly, or slow our speaking pace. Yet, arguably, the most powerful and flexible communication tool we possess isn’t found in the sounds we make. It resides in the silence we create.

The space when we are not speaking can communicate a wealth of meaning. When we choose to pause our words and remain silent, we can say more than we might when using dozens of words. Arguably, there is no other communication tool with as many potential uses and that packs as much power as the pause.

Of course, the meaning and impact of creating a pause may depend on elements such as timing, context, and non-verbal supports. However, we should not underestimate the power of a pause to convey an important message, provide space for reflection, or offer an opportunity for deeper connection. Consider these ten roles a pause can play and the impact each application can have:

• Offering evidence of active listening. A pause following something said can communicate active listening and a commitment to hear, not just speak.
• Showing patience and respect. A pause can be a signal for someone to speak during conversation, whether one-on-one or in a group. It can be a sign that we are ready to listen. 
• Express doubt. Saying nothing can say a lot about whether we believe what we are hearing. If fact, when people are not being honest, a pause can lead them to say more than they intend to fill the silence and strengthen their story.
• Inviting agreement or disagreement. Pausing after making an argument or stating a position can be an invitation for a response. A pause can create space for reaction, minimize interruptions, and support a respectful exchange on an emotional topic.
• Frame a response. Rather than making a knee jerk reaction, a pause can create the space we need to respond thoughtfully. A pause can also give us time to gain control of our emotions and choose to avoid “taking the bait.”
• Offering space for reflection.  A pause can be a time to process what has been said. A pause can allow us to take in something important or emotional, consider its implications, and appreciate its importance.
• Create tension or drama. When telling a story or making a presentation, pausing before revealing an important piece of information can create anticipation, build tension, and maximize the attention the audience will give to what is said next.
• Add emphasis. A pause following an important statement can emphasize its importance, give the audience time to consider the implications of what has been said, and increase its memorability.
• Offer turn taking. Pauses in meeting conversations can create space for people who are waiting to speak. Fast-paced conversations favor those who think and speak quickly and with confidence. Creating a pause in the flow can make room for those who may need time to think or who are reluctant to speak.
• Signaling a change of subject. A pause at the end of a discussion can be an invitation for any final thoughts or comments on a topic and create a break before moving to a new topic or issue.

As we work with students, colleagues, family members, and friends we should utilize the power of well-placed, strategically utilized pauses. We can become preoccupied with what we have to say, but we should not neglect the understated, but awesome potential of a thoughtful pause.

Managing student behavior is a constant process that often parallels the lesson we are teaching and the learning we are trying to build. Educators know full well just how often students say and do things that we and other students find distracting or that interrupt the flow of the classroom.

We can attempt to shut down disruptive student behavior with quick admonishments and directives, but this approach is more likely to prolong such behavior than prevent or extinguish it. In fact, a recent study of teacher behaviors in response to student interruptions or inappropriate behavior found that trying to shut down student behavior with phrases such as “Shush,” “Stop it,” and “Be quiet” were effective for only about five minutes before the same or similar behavior reappeared. Meanwhile, students learn little about self-regulation and avoiding similar behavior in the future.

Employing proactive student-centered approaches tend to be significantly more effective. The same study found that when expectations and redirection were connected to explanation, distracting and disruptive behavior was eliminated for 20 or more minutes.  Here are six examples of approaches we can use to enlist students in controlling and shifting their behavior to maintain classroom processes and build self-regulation.

First, we can frame expectations in what students can and should do rather than telling them what not to do. We might say, “Please listen attentively while others are speaking,” instead of, “Don’t talk when I or others are speaking.” Or we might say, “Please stay in your seat unless you need to get something” rather than, “No wandering around the classroom.”

Second, we can review expectations before transitions and remind students why the expectations are important or necessary. We could say, “We will be moving to the library in a few minutes. Let’s remember to walk quietly and calmly so we do not disturb other classes.” If we wait until students are not walking quietly and calmly in the hallway, we may find thar our redirection is even more disruptive to other classes and less effective with our students.

Third, we can connect redirection to purpose. Instead of "Stop talking and start working," we might say, "I notice that you are chatting during independent work time. I want you to get the most out of this time. That means focusing on your work." Or we could say, “I see that you are struggling with this problem. Struggling means you are learning. When we don’t give up, we get better. Let’s think of another approach you might use.”

Fourth, we can choose invitational language. Instead of, “Pay attention and get to work,” we could say, “You seem like you are a little distracted. What do you think might help you to focus and do your best work?” Or “I know that it is tough when you must wait for others to finish. What might be a good way for you to pass the time?” rather than, “Please sit quietly and wait for others to finish.”

Fifth, we might remind students of agreed upon norms and rationale. Our language could be, “Let’s pause for a second and think about the norms we created. How can they help us to work together better?” instead of, “Stop arguing.” Or “Let’s remember the norms we created. They can help us to respect each other and our work,” rather than, “Stop bothering each other.”

Sixth, we can redirect energy to more productive ends. Our guidance might be, “I see that this activity is stimulating lots of excitement, but let’s focus on organizing our materials so everyone is ready to participate,” instead of, “Stop talking and get ready for the next activity.” Or “Let’s stand up and stretch for a minute and then finish this activity strong,” rather than, “It’s getting too loud. Please quiet down.”

The reality of working with young learners is that they will not always pay attention, be ready to focus, or be able to regulate their behavior. We can choose to interrupt distracting and unacceptable behavior for the moment, or we can invest a few additional seconds and help students to manage their behavior and build autonomy.

Reference: Karasova, J. and Nehyba, J. (March 29, 2025). Novice teacher’s classroom behavior management: Situations, responses and impact on student behavior. British Educational Research Journal. Retrieved at: https://bera-journals.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/10.1002/berj.4166

We know that feedback is a crucial element in learning, especially when learning is challenging, multi-staged, and requires practice and application. Effective feedback reinforces progress, clarifies crucial learning components, lights the path forward, and propels persistence.

However, feedback that fuels learning requires a careful combination of art and skill. It must be provided in close enough proximity to learning efforts for learners to recall their thinking and actions during learning attempts. Feedback needs to be specific enough for students to understand its importance and potential impact. Further, feedback that reinforces learning needs to be objective, not colored by judgement or assumptions. Finally, the feedback we provide must give the learner information they need to take the next steps in learning.

While these elements of feedback may seem clear—even obvious—feedback often falls short in its ability to motivate and support learning when educators fail to heed several factors.  Let’s explore five of these common mistakes and how to fix them.

Mistake #1: Overloading the amount of feedback. We might think that students need to be informed of everything in the work they did worthy of note or in need of improvement. However, learners are limited in the amount of working memory they can manage at any time. Providing students with too much feedback can lead to students ignoring all or the most important feedback we provide.

Fix: Focus on the elements of student work that, if adjusted, would make the greatest difference. Even though we can provide extensive feedback, overloading will not improve learning. If we are concerned that a parent or others might criticize us for not catching every error, we might indicate with our feedback that it is targeted and not all-inclusive.

Mistake #2: Neglecting to connect feedback to learning goals. The presence of learning goals helps us and our students to focus, measure progress, and understand what still needs to be learned. Obviously, the most powerful learning goals include the participation of students in their development and can play a significant role in stimulating and tracking learning progress. Helping students to see progress and understand what lies ahead are important elements of feedback with impact.

Fix: Keep learning goals visible and active in feedback conversations. If established learning goals seem too far off, we may need to break down next steps to help students see how progress can be achieved, even if there is significant distance yet to be traveled.

Mistake #3: Feedback is overweighted with negative information. When students hear what feels like mostly bad news, they can become discouraged and give up rather than use the information to adjust and improve. Feedback that has a productive impact is carefully weighted to provide an accurate picture, while instilling hope for success.

Fix: We can choose our words and focus with the student’s perspective and perception in mind. We gain little by having students feel “buried.” Students also need to hear where they are making progress and what they are doing well. While we may need to share information that suggests the need for improvement, we can do so while sharing our confidence that the student will be successful and that we are committed to helping them to find their way forward.

Mistake #4: Feedback conversations do not include student response opportunities. Telling students where they are showing progress and sharing areas in need of improvement are only parts of effective feedback interactions. Unless students contribute to the conversation, they are unlikely to feel ownership for the feedback they receive. Further, we are not likely to know what students understand, how they react to what they hear, and whether they are committed to using the feedback we provide.

Fix: Give students ample opportunities to share their understanding, areas of confusion, insights about their learning, and to commit to applying the feedback they receive. Depending on the nature of situation we might even invite students to share their perspectives and ideas before we share feedback. In any case, once we have provided feedback, we need to give students opportunities to reflect and clarify what they have heard and discuss what they will do with it.

Mistake #5: Failing to follow up after providing feedback. We might think that once we have provided students with feedback on their learning attempts that we can move on to other things. However, students may find that what they try following our feedback isn’t working, they fail to recall what they heard, or they encounter a challenge that was not discussed in the feedback conversation. Failing to check in and reinforce the feedback we share risks compromising the impact of our efforts and could result in students giving up in frustration. 

Fix: Make a mental or physical note to follow up and reinforce feedback as students attempt to implement what they have learned. Once students have tried to apply the feedback they received, we might briefly touch base to see if they have any questions, inquire if they are making progress, and observe the results of new learning attempts. Our check-in not only helps to determine the impact of our feedback, but it also sends a message to students that we are interested and ready to continue to support their learning.  

Feedback is a powerful tool to support learning. However, it requires more than telling students where they have fallen short and what they need to do to improve. The best feedback is a conversation that builds understanding, instills hope, and stimulates further learning.

Language is a powerful tool for communicating information, concepts, and perspectives. Consequently, we need to exercise care and caution to be certain that what we say conveys the meaning we intend and avoids misinterpretation. This advice may seem obvious. Yet, it can be easy to fall into habits of speech and employ phrases and terms that may not fully or accurately convey what we mean.

We may use certain words and descriptors as informal shortcuts to express emotions and perceptions. They may be well intended, but they can still create confusion, lead to over-generalizations, and reflect meanings that we do not intend. It can be worthwhile to pause occasionally to review some of the terms and phrases we use and consider whether we would do well to avoid or accompany them with explanations or qualifiers. Here are five common education-related terms that might fall into this category.

Drill and kill.

This term is often used to describe practice repetitions, yet not all practice is bad. In fact, practice plays a crucial role in developing expertise. Approaches such as distributed and deliberate practice are key to building high-level skill development and learning retention. At the same time, subjecting students to mind-numbing, seemingly endless drills can undermine motivation and diminish engagement. It is not drills that kill, it is the failure to make practice purposeful, engaging, and useful.

Better terms: purposeful practice, distributed practice, and deliberate practice.

Sit and get.

This phrase is frequently used to describe lecture-based, low-engagement instruction. While passive learning often leads to lack of depth in understanding and absence of learning retention, there remains a role for direct, explicit instruction. Explicit instruction can be a highly useful way to explain new information, set a context for learning, and clarify areas of confusion and misconception.

Better terms: direct instruction, explicit instruction, and responsive teaching.

Learning styles.

This term has been used to describe the concept that students learn best when instruction was presented in the way that matches how students learn best (visual, auditory, and kinesthetic). However, multiple research studies have shown that matching teaching with learning styles does not increase learning. In fact, overreliance on perceived learning styles can limit the amount of learning skills students choose to develop and rely on. A more effective approach is to utilize a variety of modes of instruction when introducing content and nurturing new skills. Generally, the more ways in which students are exposed to new information, the more likely they are to learn and remember.

Better terms: dual coding, learning preferences, and multiple modes of engagement.

Remedial instruction.

This term implies a focus on student learning deficits. It implies that the student is the problem and must be remediated. However, lack of expected learning progress can be the result of many factors. This focus can result in efforts to “fix” the learner rather than discover and build on strengths and target areas in need of support. Unfortunately, remedial education too often features a slower pace for learning when pace may not be the primary cause of the problem. Additionally, remedial instruction frequently engages learners at superficial levels of learning that lack motivating elements and interest-generating experiences.

Better terms: targeted instruction, strategic learning support, and essential skill development.

Ability grouping.

This description implies that we can know students’ abilities. Yet, abilities are complex and varied. We can gauge the skills students are able to demonstrate and their levels of academic performance, but we are not likely to know our students’ full abilities with certainty. Unfortunately, when we group students based on what we assume to be ability, students interpret our judgment of them as being smart or being dumb. Such decisions and interpretations can have lifelong, unjustified consequences. Meanwhile, some students may be very bright but not appear so because they require more time to process and analyze before presenting an answer or solution. It is also true that students included in high ability groupings often are fast learners, not necessarily expert learners.

Better terms: flexible grouping, skill-based grouping, and learning readiness grouping.

We want our words to accurately convey our intentions. Consequently, we need to be careful to select words and phrases that are not likely to result in confusion or misinterpretation. Are there words and phrases you might add to this list as having high potential to be misunderstood or could lead to incorrect interpretations?

It is not difficult to find someone willing to give advice. In fact, on most faculties there are people willing to provide seemingly endless advice, often without even being asked. Of course, not all the advice we receive is likely to be of high quality or may apply to our needs and reality.

Our challenge is to figure out what advice might be useful to us and decide what we should ignore. Sometimes the advice we receive is obviously not useful or relevant. At other times, the advice we receive may at first seem worthy, only to discover later that it falls short of what we need. Fortunately, there are some indicators we can heed to help us discern the advice we should consider and follow, and what we should reject or ignore. Here are six signs that the advice we receive may fall short and should be viewed with skepticism. 

The advice is simplistic or absolute.

Example: Students do not have to like you. They just need to respect you.

Certainly, respect is an important element of a positive, productive classroom climate, but respect rarely occurs in isolation. Fortunately, we do not have to choose between having positive relationships and the enjoying respect. The truth is that the most learning occurs, students behave their best, and we feel the greatest satisfaction when students like us AND a high level of respect is present. We can achieve both.

The advice is unrealistic.

Example: Treat every student the same.

This advice may initially sound as though it makes sense, until we consider the unique interests, needs, talents, and learning challenges that students bring with them. What will work best for and meet the needs of some students likely will fail with other students. Our knowledge of and relationships with students can help us to decide what they need, how to guide them, and how best to design learning experiences for them. Typically, advice that includes: “always,” “never,” and “every” is worth examining before following it.    

The advice is outdated.

Example: Memorization and drill are the best ways to ensure student learning.

While there remains a role for memorization and drill can build “muscle memory,” most of what students learn today will require that they understand and can apply what they learn. Learning experiences that build deeper insight, provide thinking tools, and stimulate ideas and connections will carry more lasting value for learners. Actively engaging students in analyzing, synthesizing, and applying what they learn can extend learning retention and make it more operationally accessible for students in the future.

The advice ignores your context.

Example: The most important thing is to cover the curriculum.

To a reasonable extent, we need to engage students with the most important elements of the curriculum. However, curriculum coverage is not what matters most. If students are exposed to information and skills, but do not learn and master them, we will have accomplished little. There are times when we need to slow down and focus on learning, even if it means that we will not be able to address every aspect of the formal curriculum. Of course, when this is the case, we may need to alert colleagues who will be working with our students to ensure that essential concepts and content are addressed in future learning.

The advice conflicts with your core values.

Example: "Focus your efforts on students who have or are close to meeting standards and don’t bother with the rest."

This advice might come as major assessments or accountability measures approach. While the advice might make the data look better, it risks sacrificing the needs and success of students who need our support the most. Unfortunately, following this advice means that we will abandon some students and ignore their needs. All students deserve our instruction, coaching, and support, regardless of where they are in relationship to generating high test scores and meeting learning standards.

The advice ignores your experience, knowledge, insight, and expertise.

Example: If a research study shows that a practice is effective, you should immediately adopt it with your class.

Being aware of current research is important, but many factors can determine whether it can be applied effectively in our context. The age and profile of students involved in studies matter. The conditions under which studies are conducted matter. Replicability of studies matter. Before blindly accepting and applying new research, we need to check its viability and likely applicability in our context, while considering our experience and expertise. 

Good advice can be amazingly helpful, especially in areas where we lack experience. However, not all advice is equal or worth heeding. Consider these six signs the next time you hear advice that leads you to question its value.

We want students to be recognized and reinforced when they do a good job. We want them to feel good about what they have accomplished. We also want them to be motivated to replicate their success with future challenges and in other circumstances. Achieving this goal requires more than general praise and positive words. 

Students need to feel they own their successes. They must see their accomplishments as more than luck or good fortune. The more students understand how their actions led to their success, the better able they will be able to apply effective strategies and the more confidence they likely will have when approaching new challenges.

Consequently, the words and approaches we select must convey a multi-level message beyond, “Good job.” What we choose to say needs to reveal key elements that are within the student’s control and offer enough clarity and specificity for them to reflect, learn, and act on what they hear.

Here are eight ways we can send the message that what the student did was good, how they can own their behavior, and how they can use what they have done to do even better in the future:

• Choose a context that is comfortable for the student. Some students thrive when their efforts and accomplishments are shared in front of an audience. Other students will feel embarrassed to have others witness our feedback and prefer to receive praise privately. Tailoring our approach to the student can make a significant difference in how they will respond and use what we offer.
• Focus on the student, not your feelings. After the student talks about what they did, how they feel, and what it means, we can follow-up with expressions of pride and delight. However, the focus needs to be on the student, not on how it makes us feel.
• Highlight what the student did, not their ability or talent. Effort, persistence, flexibility, creativity, and other behaviors are within the control of the student. They can be replicated and built on. Talent, ability, and giftedness may be nice to have, but students are likely to see them as inherent qualities over which they have little control and may not be present when facing the next task or challenge.
• Be specific. Point out the behavior or behaviors that led to the achievement. Highlighting strategies, persistence, and good use of resources helps students to know what they can do next time to achieve similar results.
• Be timely. Praise and other forms of feedback that make a difference need to be shared as soon after a student engages in a behavior, completes a task, overcomes a challenge, or achieves success. The longer we wait to share our observations, the less students will recall about what they did and the less likely our message will lead to repetition of the behavior.
• Point out evidence of progress. Noting signs of emerging skills, improving habits, and better processes can give students information on areas they can reflect on and focus. Seeing evidence of progress also can be a powerful motivator to keep going.
• Link effort to outcome. Students do not always see how what they did led to the outcome they achieved. Our pointing out key connections and providing examples from their work can help students to see that they were responsible for what they achieved. The connection between effort and outcome can be a powerful motivator for future behavior.
• Connect performance to purpose. The connection might be to an established goal, benefit to the student or others, or the classroom environment. Understanding that their work matters and makes a difference can give students strong encouragement to do more.

Praise and other forms of positive feedback can be powerful motivators. However, students need to see how their behavior led to their improvement or success. They need to feel ownership for the outcomes they achieve. And they need to hear it from us.

Last week was Teacher Appreciation Week, which often features special events, thank-you activities, notes written by students, and sometimes even parent expressions of gratitude. These gestures are important and can be meaningful ways to convey appreciation. It is good, after all, to have your work and contributions recognized.

However, the most meaningful expressions of appreciation often come from another source: our colleagues. The people we work with every day understand the stresses and strains of teaching better than others who may observe or benefit from our efforts. Appreciation from a colleague comes from a place of camaraderie, insight, and shared experience.

Now that Teacher Appreciation Week has passed, consider taking time to share your appreciation for the people you work with each day. Maybe that’s someone who helps you to be successful or who makes your days a little easier or brighter. It might be someone who makes important contributions to the shared work of the staff or who goes the extra mile to support students. Or maybe it’s someone who just needs to be appreciated and encouraged.

Honoring, recognizing, and appreciating colleagues does not have to be expensive or time consuming, and doing so can send powerful messages of respect and value. Equally important, these messages are made more meaningful coming from someone who truly understands the demands and challenges that define life as an educator.

Want some ideas? Here are a dozen appreciation-sharing ideas to stimulate your thinking. Not every idea is appropriate for every colleague, so think about what your colleagues will appreciate and find meaningful.

1. Share your smile. Smiles are powerful expressions, and multiple research studies have shown that smiles are actually contagious. Having someone smile and make eye contact with us signals recognition and respect. A friendly smile during a challenging day can be a powerful spirit lifter.
2. Ask how a colleague is doing and really listen. Too often, people inquire about others without real interest and then fail to listen to their response. Slowing down, asking sincerely, and listening carefully can send an authentic message about our caring and appreciation that person.
3. Invite a colleague to spend quality time together. Choosing to spend quality time with someone—whether at a campus activity or social event or just to visit—can send a powerful message of caring and appreciation about them as individuals.
4. Offer a sincere and specific compliment. Of course, the most direct way to share appreciation is to tell someone we appreciate them and why. Want more impact? Studies have shown that when we include enough detail to extend our message for as little as twenty seconds, it becomes even more powerful and memorable.
5. Write a note of appreciation. Handwritten communication is increasingly rare in today’s technology-dominated world. Sharing appreciation in writing not only demonstrates an investment of time and effort, but the note can also become an important keepsake or bulletin-board reminder for its recipient. They may refer back to it during times of doubt or insecurity. At the very least, it will have made them feel seen and valued.
6. Bring them a treat. Coffee, tea, a baked good, their favorite snack—thinking of someone as we pick up a beverage and/or treat and gifting them a boost of energy can be a great way to show appreciation and show that we pay attention to their likes and dislikes. It can also be a timely opportunity to start the day by checking in with a valued and respected colleague. Very few people are made unhappier by being given a treat!
7. Share a useful tip, helpful strategy, or needed resource. When we find an approach or strategy that works well, choosing to share it can communicate connection. Saving someone time or helping them to secure a needed resource can be a great way to show appreciation.
8. Volunteer to lighten a load. Offering to cover a duty assignment or class (where possible and appropriate, of course) and give a colleague a break can send a significant message of understanding and appreciation. You might be a significant member of a teacher’s support system or “village.” Offering to make additional copies or help set up for an activity can lighten a load at just the right time.
9. Ask to visit and learn from a class or activity. Share that you admire your colleague’s practice and want to learn from them. Of course, some teachers may be reluctant to have a colleague observe them, but even if they decline, your message will still likely be appreciated.
10. Give a public shout-out. Consider finding an opportunity at a staff or team meeting to publicly recognize and compliment a colleague. Not everyone appreciates public recognition, though, so if you are not certain of how the colleague might react, consider sharing your intent and ask for their approval. If they aren’t comfortable with the spotlight, then perhaps the following approach would be more appropriate.
11. Compliment a colleague to their principal or supervisor. Informing supervisors about a colleague's contributions and achievements shows appreciation and encourages them to recognize the deserving colleague too. Depending on your relationship with the colleague, you might let them know what you shared. Doing so can double the appreciation they feel.
12. Write an anonymous note to a colleague on behalf of the team or staff describing the difference they make. Again, highlighting what specifically the person does that makes a difference can provide an important lift. Coming from an anonymous source can make the message even more memorable and mysterious.

Though Teacher Appreciation Week has passed, these ideas and our support for each other are no less important or appreciated throughout the school year. In fact, these are actions that we can adopt as behaviors and turn them into habits.

Every year, we schedule a variety of annual check-ups to maintain optimal health. We see a doctor to review our physical health. We make appointments with a dentist to check our oral health. We may schedule an appointment with the optometrist to evaluate our vision and eye health, and many people even see a dermatologist once a year for a skin check. We also schedule check-ups for other nonorganic but important systems on which we depend, like inspections and service appointments for our vehicles or appointments for technicians to check our home heating and cooling systems. The list could go on.

The point is that we need to take care of the systems and processes in our lives that can have an important impact on our health, comfort, and success. We want to prevent problems from developing where we can and identify the emergence of potentially serious problems before they become disruptive, expensive, or even dangerous.

With this responsibility in mind, there is another activity that deserves an annual check-up and should be added to our list. Even if our hearing itself is good, we may need to give attention to whether we are truly listening at an optimal level. Are we listening clearly and completely? Or are we developing behaviors that may lead us to miss important information, misinterpret intended messages, or even stifle open communication? Like other important processes, our listening skills can deteriorate over time, and we can find ourselves developing inefficient, ineffective listening habits.

It is customary for annual check-ups to involve a checklist of areas and elements that often need cleaning up or fixing. Check-ups also often include adjustments and corrections we can make to improve functions and operations going forward. Consider these ten items as you conduct a review of your listening skills, habits, and actions.

Item #1: Do you find that, occasionally, in conversations you just sort of passively listen and miss information?

Improvement opportunity: Focus on what is said. Notice the tone. Observe nonverbal cues like facial expressions and body language. Resist trying to “mind read” by making assumptions or unwarranted connections about what is said. Clarify details if you find yourself confused or unsure.

Item #2: Do you focus on your response while the other person is still speaking?

Improvement opportunity: Give your full attention to hearing before deciding how you might respond. Trust yourself to find the right words to communicate your message. Listen to hear, not to respond.

Item #3: Do you try to compete with or one-up the other participant(s) in conversations?

Improvement opportunity: Resist making conversations a competition. Acknowledge the other person’s message. Make your goal to celebrate or empathize, not to overshadow.

Item #4: Do people often respond to you by saying, “That’s not what I meant”?

Improvement opportunity: Confirm your understanding of what the other person said before attempting to respond. It can help when you begin your response by saying, “What I’m hearing you say is…” so that the other person has a chance to correct a misinterpretation. Or, if you are confused, simply ask for clarification.

Item #5: Do you occasionally hear statements like “I don’t feel like you’re listening?”

Improvement opportunity: Concentrate on your attending skills. Watch your eye contact and nonverbal responses. Avoid distractions and competing activities. And, of course, listen actively.

Item #6: Do your emotions occasionally become barriers to your listening?

Improvement opportunity: Resist becoming defensive or interrupting, even (read: especially) when it’s hard. Take a breath. If you need to bring your emotions under control, pause before responding or, if necessary, pause the conversation and return to it later by saying something like “You’ve given me a lot to think about. I’ll need some time to reflect on this.”

Item #7: Do you sometimes tune people out before they finish speaking?

Improvement opportunity: Guard against allowing biases, negative experiences, and perceptions of the person or their message to get in the way of your listening. Commit to suspending judgment until you have had a chance to hear and reflect on the message. All too often, we can allow our preconceived notions to stand in the way of what is actually being communicated.

Item #8: Do you occasionally find that you heard the words spoken but missed the underlying message?

Improvement opportunity: While listening, search for what is not said in addition to what is said. If you sense that there is more to the message than you hear, ask for additional details. Also, confirm your understanding of what you think might be the implications or underlying message.

Item #9: Do you sometimes miss information because you are distracted or thinking of other things while trying to listen?

Improvement opportunity: Dedicate your attention to one activity at a time. Stop what you are doing to listen or ask the other person to wait until you can give them your full attention. You could say something like “Hang on one second while I finish this email. I want to be able to give you my full attention.”

Item #10: Do you find that, following a conversation, you sometimes cannot recall key information, details, or decisions made?

Improvement opportunity: Take time at the conclusion of the conversation to summarize what you heard and recap any follow-up actions or commitments agreed to. The summary will confirm everyone’s understanding. Meanwhile, your repetition of the information will strengthen your recall. If necessary, also take a minute to record any commitments that will require your attention.

At face value, listening seems simple enough, but in actuality, it is a challenging activity. It requires focus, openness, nuance, and judgment. Yet, listening well is a crucial skill and key factor in developing and maintaining relationships. It is worth doing well. An occasional review and recalibration can help us to move from just hearing to really listening.

Our voice is a powerful tool. Our tone can tell others how we are feeling, provide a context for what we want to communicate, or project how we want to be seen. Our pacing can communicate nervousness, confidence, or hesitation. Our volume can demand respect, convey impatience, or request attention. Amazingly, all these elements can be present in as little as one spoken sentence! 

Without question, the words we choose to convey information matter. We need to be organized, prepared, and timely in our instruction and other communication. We need to stay focused and avoid sidetracks that can generate confusion and distractions. However, how we say what we say is likely to have as significant an impact on whether our students hear and accept our instruction and other messages as what we say.  

Students are gauging and evaluating what we are saying in the context of what they hear in the unspoken messages carried by our voice. Let’s explore six of the most common emotions conveyed by the tone, pace, volume, and other elements of our voice.   

Confidence. Students want assurance that we know what we are talking about and are confident enough to help them if they struggle. Confidence can be communicated through an even speaking pace, a clear voice, and the absence of filler words like “um,” “like,” and “you know.” Confidence can also be conveyed through the absence of frequent hesitation and distracting pauses used to refer to notes and reminders. 

Enthusiasm. Students listen for whether what we are discussing is interesting to us and worth becoming excited about. A positive tone and quickened speaking pace can be conveyors of enthusiasm. The volume of our voice, be it raised or lowered, can also communicate excitement, wonder, or novelty.  

Empathy. Students seek reassurance that what we are saying includes consideration of their needs, fears, and questions. Our voice tone can tell students that we care about whether they grasp what we are saying and that we understand that they may struggle initially. We also may slow our pace when discussing elements that students may find challenging or unfamiliar.  

Curiosity. Students will likely be listening to hear if we are interested in and paying attention to their response to what we are saying. Our curiosity can be conveyed through brief gaps in our speech as we observe whether students seem to be following us. We may speed up or slow down as we gauge our students’ readiness and ability to stay with our pace. We may even shift the tone of our voice at the end of a statement to allow it to sound like a question.  

Vulnerability. Students want to hear and observe that we are human. We may misspeak, forget a point, or need to adjust in response to what we observe in how students are responding. Our voice can communicate whether we are angry, embarrassed, or accepting that we are not perfect. In fact, an even tone, matter-of-fact response, and some humor can be reassuring for students. Yes, it is possible to be confident and willing to be vulnerable.  

Responsiveness. Students are listening for clues in our voice that it is okay to ask questions. They may even be wondering if they can disagree with or challenge an aspect of what we say. The tone and volume of our voice in response to a question or pushback can either invite more dialogue or close the door to further engagement. When students feel as though we are open to questions, welcoming of observations, and accepting of different perspectives, we are more likely to hear what they are thinking and be able to engage them in deeper dialogue.  

We know that nonverbal communication speaks volumes, but we may not think much about how the tone, volume, and pace of our voice influence student perceptions and acceptance of our instruction and other communication. Yet, they often carry the “unspoken” message that determines whether the words we say are given the weight they deserve.