The Master Teacher Blog

Listening is easily taken for granted. After all, it feels as though we do it almost all the time. Yet, listening is one of the most underrated and underdeveloped skills among professionals—and just about everyone else. Listening is a crucial element in forming relationships, solving problems, making decisions, and performing many other work and life tasks.  

Listening is a near-constant element in our work with students, colleagues, parents, friends, and family. It is worth doing well. However, it is easy to compromise listening effectiveness and ignore key elements of listening that could lead to better communication, stronger relationships, and greater influence on others. Such mistakes can be costly. Here are six facets of deep listening worth heeding.  

Commit to hearing, not just listening. Hearing represents deeper engagement than just receiving and understanding words. Really hearing someone means seeking meaning, implications, and emotions in and behind what they say. We may think that when others are speaking, we are just receiving their message. However, we are likely confirming, rejecting, or leading the speaker to modify the message as we listen. Communication experts say that more than half of communication is transmitted through body language, not through what is spoken. Consequently, even though we may not be speaking, we are still communicating.  

Engage fully. Obviously, we need to put down our phone or anything else that might interrupt or distract us from what is being said. We may think that we are paying full attention, but if we are also doing something else, the message we communicate may be one of less-than-full attention and commitment to the conversation. Equally important, we need to drop our assumptions and set aside our emotions. Perceptions, predictions, and predispositions can color what we hear and how we interpret the message. Only by giving our full attention can we prevent mishearing, misinterpreting, and misfiring in our response. 

Listen to learn. One of the most difficult challenges associated with listening is to avoid forming a comment, defense, solution, or other response while the other person is still speaking. Doing these things risks missing key portions of the message or misinterpreting the intent of what is being said. When we commit to learning from what is said, we are likely to absorb information that will better inform and calibrate our response when it is time to provide one. Of course, if we need some time to formulate a response, we can employ a few seconds of silence and allow the message to settle.  

Repetition is a signal. It is not unusual for people to repeat themselves when reporting an experience, sharing a message, or recounting a conversation. Repetition can be an indication of something important. Sometimes repetition is intended to emphasize something emotional about the message. At other times, repetition is an indication that the speaker is not feeling heard or is feeling that we do not fully understand the implications of what is being said. When we notice repetition, it is worth noting and asking if the speaker wants to say more about that aspect of the message.  

Silence is powerful. Accomplished interviewers and skilled interrogators understand the power of silence. Silence, even for a few seconds, can have a powerful effect on conversations. Silence can be an invitation to continue speaking. It can imply and "give voice,” so to speak, for deep emotion. Silence can even communicate skepticism and doubt. Regardless, most people feel a powerful urge to fill gaps of silence. When we resist the urge to interrupt and are willing to sit quietly, we can often learn far more important information than if we choose to ask an immediate question or offer an immediate response. 

Confirm what is said. The best way to know if we have accurately heard and interpreted what was said is to confirm it with the speaker. Of course, as we confirm, we are also assuring the speaker that we have been listening. Confirmation can take multiple forms. We can confirm what we heard by repeating what was said (“I heard you say…”). We can also summarize what we heard to confirm our understanding of the full message (“In summary, it sounds as though…”). Or we can interpret what we hear to confirm themes and implications (“Would it be correct to interpret what you are saying as…”). 

Listening is one of the most powerful ways to communicate respect. We don’t always have to have answers or guidance to offer. Often, just being willing to listen can make a crucial difference. Practice these six strategies, and you may be amazed at the impact.  

This is a time of year when we are especially cautious about catching colds, contracting the flu, and avoiding other germ-generated illnesses. With winter approaching, most of us are spending more time indoors and near others who may be spreading germs that can make us sick. Consequently, we may be more vulnerable to contagions.  

Fortunately, most of us know the steps to take in order to minimize the potential of getting sick. We maintain an appropriate distance from people who are coughing and sneezing, we wash our hands and hard surfaces regularly, and we are careful to get enough sleep to keep our resistance high.  

Still, we may be less aware of another source of contagion that can influence our well-being... Experts and researchers have long known that emotions, too, can be contagious; in fact, they call this phenomenon Emotional Contagion (EC). Transmission can happen in ways remarkably similar to how germs are spread. For example, prolonged proximity to someone who is experiencing and displaying strong emotions can increase the probability of their transmitting those emotions to us. The state of our own emotions can make us more vulnerable to “catching” the emotions of others. When we are tired, frustrated, or depressed, our emotional vulnerability increases. Furthermore, some people are naturally more vulnerable to catching the emotions of others.  

Unfortunately, EC has implications for more than our mood. Negative emotions we catch from others can lead to depression, increased anxiety, insomnia, and even heart disease. Put simply, prolonged exposure to negative emotions can damage our psychological and physical health.  

On the other hand, contracting the emotions of another is not always bad. In fact, many emotions lift our spirits, renew our energy, and build connections with others. Being around people who are consistently happy, optimistic, confident, and loving can lead to us feeling similarly. The bad news there, though, is that negative emotions, such as anger, pain, fear, and disgust, tend to be more contagious than positive feelings. They can be caught more quickly and have a greater, longer lasting impact than positive emotions. Our evolutionary history makes us more conscious of and susceptible to potential threats, even though the threats may be emotional rather than physical. 

The good news is that we can influence the level of vulnerability we have to the emotions of others. Sometimes we seek to protect ourselves from what others in proximity to us are emoting. Other times, we want to catch the emotions we see and feel in others. Like with germs, there are steps we can take to decrease or increase our chances of becoming infected by emotions. 

To reduce our vulnerability to negative emotions, we can: 

• Be aware of people and situations that have a negative impact on our emotions. Awareness can be a good first step in diagnosing the source of negative emotions and making choices to protect ourselves.  
• Limit the amount of time we spend with people who are chronically “infected” with negative emotions. When avoidance is not possible, we can at least take “attitude breaks” to focus on and engage in issues, topics, and experiences that lift our mood and counter the negativity to which we are being exposed.  
• Speak with a person whose chronic emotional state is having a negative impact on us. Not everyone is aware of the attitude and mood patterns they display. Sometimes just making someone aware of their behavior and its impact can lead to change. 

• Choose to be positive despite the negative emotions to which we are exposed. Over time, consciously emoting positivity, being optimistic, and showing care can have an impact on others, rather than allowing ourselves to be susceptible to the emotions to which they expose us.  
• Take care of ourselves. Steps we take to counter vulnerability to germs can also help to protect us from negative emotions. Getting enough sleep and regular exercise and having a healthy diet can serve both purposes.  

If we want to increase the likelihood of “catching” the positive, healthy emotions of others, we can: 

• Increase the amount of time we spend and interact with people who are positive, confident, and caring, especially people about whom we care the most. People with whom we have close relationships are more likely to influence how we feel.  
• Intentionally respond to the emotions we want to “catch.” For example, when we respond to the smiles of others, we engage muscles that release endorphins in our brain that lead us to feel happier. 
• Be a source of positive emotions. Other people who are attracted to positive emotions will be more likely to engage and share their positivity with us.  
• Structure time in gatherings, such as meetings, to share good news, positive experiences, and uplifting stories. What is shared can set a positive tone, push back negative attitudes, and reduce vulnerability.  

Emotions, like germs, can influence our health and well-being. We need to be alert and deliberate in how we respond to exposure—whether we avoid it or invite it. We can allow ourselves to be vulnerable or protect ourselves from harm. 

Teachers, feel free to share this concept with your students and foster a positive and constructive conversation about emotional self-preservation! 

Mental health is a serious and persistent issue in our schools and our profession. The toll of multiple pressures and accumulated experiences from the past few years has left a heavy burden on our sense of well-being, our attitudes toward life and each other, and even our physical health.  

We hear a lot about the importance of self-care, finding balance, and “taking the long view.” While good advice, such urgings can fall short of countering the emotional burdens we carry. We often need more support than we can manage on our own.  

Fortunately, there is a powerful counterforce to the feelings of frustration, isolation, and loneliness that threaten to sap our energy, dissipate our motivation, and undermine our commitment. That connecting, energizing, and reassuring force is the presence and practice of empathy.     

Empathy, of course, is different from sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone’s circumstance or having someone feel sorry for us. Sympathy is not a strong connector. Empathy, on the other hand, involves understanding and sharing the experiences, perceptions, and feelings of others. Empathy builds an emotional and cognitive connection.   

Empathy also offers mutual benefits. The person who is experiencing empathy from others feels supported, understood, and cared for. At the same time, the person who is extending empathy experiences the benefits of connecting with and helping others. When people feel connected, understood, and respected, they are more likely to be motivated and emotionally healthy. Let’s explore six additional ways in which empathy can support our mental health. 

First, empathy builds trust. It allows us to be authentic and transparent. Empathy seeks understanding, not confirmation of our predispositions, and can reveal the positive intentions of others while dispelling suspicions and negative assumptions about others’ motivations and actions.  

Second, empathy helps to form and maintain relationships. It builds a sense of connectedness and understanding and nurtures feelings of belonging. Empathy can carry relationships through tough times, even when we may be caught in conflict and disagreement. 

Third, empathy reduces levels of anger and frustration. By being empathetic, we can see and value the perspectives of others. Empathy can replace hostility with understanding, and it can counter the toll that chronic anger takes on our mental health.  

Fourth, empathy can help us to discover solutions to challenges and conflicts. The quality of being empathetic supports communication that is more open and creative. Empathy opens doors to mutual understanding; solutions can emerge naturally from open, honest, and respectful exploration.  

Fifth, empathy can help us to become more resilient. As we understand the experiences and perspectives of others, we can become more aware of and better able to regulate our own emotions. The experiences of others also can be an inspiration and lead us to higher levels of courage and determination.     

Sixth, practicing empathy with others can support us to be more self-empathetic. We can be exceedingly hard on ourselves, especially during times of challenges and stress. When we consistently extend empathy to others, it can become easier to pause, reflect, and build self-understanding. It can even lead us to forgive ourselves when we otherwise may become trapped in guilt.  

Of course, we need to recognize that there are limits to the depth and breadth of the empathy we extend. At times, we may need to set limits to avoid becoming overly immersed in the emotions and struggles of others. Like any behavior, too much of a good thing can diminish its benefits and counter its contributions to our health and success. Empathy is no exception, but practicing it wisely can be its own form of mental-health protection. 

Popular discourse has transformed the perceptions of many behaviors that are typically seen as positive to being considered toxic. Being positive, for example, is usually considered an asset. Gratitude is often seen as a powerful way to lift and heal our spirit. Empathy is typically valued as a powerful way to connect with and support each other.  

Nevertheless, each of these actions has been described in one context or another as being toxic. Consider: 

• Toxic positivity: Refusal to be anything but positive, regardless of circumstances; it may even imply criticism of anyone who does not share the same attitude.  
• Toxic gratitude: Being grateful to the point of accepting less-than-acceptable circumstances and lacking desire to change what could be improved.  
• Toxic empathy: Becoming so enmeshed in the circumstances and challenges of others that one loses a sense of themselves and is unable to separate one’s emotions from others’. 

Of course, the implication here is obvious. When taken to an extreme, even positive attributes can become problematic—to the point of even being harmful. On the other hand, too little positivity, gratitude, empathy, and other actions and interactions can also be harmful and hurtful. We need to strive for balance and for boundaries that ensure their benefits while avoiding potential problems and pitfalls.  

Meanwhile, psychologists caution against the quickness with which we label behaviors as being toxic. A recent Psychology Today article notes that it is human nature for us to be more attuned to negative cues, such as threats and danger, in our environment than we are to positive cues, such as rewards and success. The result is that we can become preoccupied with negativity, to the extent that it interferes with our thoughts, moods, actions, and interactions.  

When we connect positive actions and attributes with negative ideas such as toxicity, we risk avoiding engagement in what should be healthy, happiness-generating activities. We need to be careful to reserve such descriptions for extreme instances and behavior. Labeling behavior as toxic or any other equally negative description needs to be done with care and restraint.  

Consider the behavior most frequently referred to as being toxic: positivity. Choosing to be positive, to see the positive side of situations, and looking for opportunities in difficult circumstances can be an important contributor to happiness, contentment, and success. Positivity can be a powerful antidote to stress, anxiety, and depression when it is not carried to extremes.  

We need to be careful to honor and respect behaviors like positivity, gratefulness, empathy, and others. In a world of challenges and uncertainty, we can ill-afford to denigrate and shun what can protect our mental health and make our lives more fulfilling. We just need to be aware of the importance of boundaries and balance while embracing the benefits.  

Travers, M. (2021, February 23). Why “toxic positivity” is a dangerous idea. Psychology Today.  

Success requires that we choose to say “yes” to some things and “no” to others. The key is to know how to prioritize, what to invest in, and what to refuse or abandon. Of course, the best choices are not always clear or obvious, and sometimes we cannot know the right answer except in retrospect.  

Fortunately, there are some important decisions and impactful commitments we face that are clear—and our choices are significant. In fact, they can be life changing for our students and success-drivers for us. In our work with students, there are five choices we must never, ever make: 

• Never give up on a student. Some students may choose to give up on themselves, but they need to know that we will be there for—and never give up on—them. We will always look for ways to help them to succeed. For too many students, our decision to give up on them may take away their last hope. We need to continue searching and supporting their learning, as well as their growth as a person, and nudging them to believe and keep trying. 

• Never assume a student is not worthy. Not only do some students believe that they are not worthy, but other adults may also think that a student is not deserving of attention and advocacy. Of course, some students may do their best to convince us by their behavior that they are not worth our nudging, pressing, and pushing. However, every student who comes to us has worth. Our challenge is to recognize their worthiness, nurture their potential, and help them to see that they can be more than they assume or imagine. We cannot accept arguments or behaviors that try to convince us otherwise.  

• Never accept that a student is not capable. It is true that students come with varying levels of background knowledge, skill, curiosity, and commitment. However, we cannot know what a student might be capable of accomplishing under the right conditions and with our support. Our role is to find the gifts and talents students possess and nurture them. We must magnify and extend the interests and insights students have already developed, and we need to be the constant reminder and "revealer" of their progress and possibility.  

• Never believe a student’s past determines their future. Each and every one of our students come to us with their own unique back story. They may have a history of misbehavior, a record of failure, and a litany of complaints about them. Yet, the story of their future remains unwritten. We may be the influence and intervention that will change the course of their lives. We have the incredible opportunity to influence our students’ lives when most of their lives have yet to be lived. Every small shift in thinking, commitment, and hope we instill in our students today can make an outsized difference in their future.  

• Never allow students to accept less than their best. Our students are already worthy and capable. Our role is to challenge them to give effort that is worthy of them. Of course, students rely heavily on our expectations, and we need to keep those expectations high. But our goal needs to be for students to adopt attitudes, invest effort, and engage in thinking that demands their best from themselves. The four choices discussed above position us to support our students to give their best, accept only their best, and achieve beyond what they may believe is possible.  

When our students feel our commitment to these five crucial promises, we become the catalyst for students to trust without fear, try without hesitation, fail without despair, and soar with confidence in our support. There are no limits to what they can achieve. 

Teaching is a “long game.” We are in it for the long haul, and naturally, we want to be certain that we are paying attention to the signs and signals that tell us we are on the right track. Even though we may have bad days or go through tough patches in our work, we still seek reassurance that we are focused on the right things and remain on a path to success.  

Of course, there are many paths to success, and there are various ways in which our attention and focus can become distracted. If fact, there are several consistent indicators that trouble likely lies ahead. Here are five signs that your teaching may be headed “off the rails.” 

You are more concerned about whether students like you than whether they are challenged. It is only natural that we want our students to like us, and, yes, we need to develop strong, positive relationships with them. After all, relationships are the precursor to learning. Yet, while having good relationships can lead to learning, they are not themselves the point of learning. When we become preoccupied with whether students like us, we risk losing our focus on challenging and nudging students to learn, even when it may be uncomfortable and hard. In fact, during students’ most difficult learning challenges, they may not feel as though they like us very much. The good news is that once students find their way through tough times, they often respect and value their relationship with us even more.  

Your highest priority is being in control. Of course, we cannot manage a classroom that is constantly out of control. Student safety and learning depend on our ability to maintain an appropriate level of organization, focus, and cooperation. However, when control becomes our dominant focus and an inordinate amount of our time and attention are given to evoking compliance, learning and relationships suffer. On the other hand, when we create conditions where students are invited and supported to commit to their learning and where respect and trust are present, our worry about control can retreat into the background.  

You believe that you are the smartest person in the room. While we may have more education and life experience than our students, there is still a great deal they can teach us. We do not have a corner on ideas and insights. In fact, the unexpected or even seemingly off-topic questions students ask can reflect surprising levels of intelligence and insight and open doors to new learning for everyone, including us. The fact that some of our students have high levels of intellectual capacity and may go on to make significant contributions to society is cause for celebration and appreciation, not competition or intimidation.  

You allow the bad behavior of some students to go unchallenged. Students want assurance that they will be treated fairly. They want to know that the standards of behavior to which they are held apply to everyone, and they watch carefully to see if the rules we set will be applied equally. If some students are given special treatment or are allowed to engage in behavior that is not tolerated when others demonstrate that behavior, feelings of resentment can quickly build, and accusations of unfairness will soon follow. Of course, some students may face special circumstances that require more variation in how we respond. Within the bounds of privacy, we need to help classmates understand the circumstances when reasonable adaptations are necessary.  

You are the last person to hear when something happens in students’ lives. When something out of the ordinary happens in the life of our students—good or bad—they are often quick to share their news with those they trust, which should include us. Similarly, other students who are aware of the news often rush to tell us. If students are not motivated to share this type of news with us, we need to pay attention. When students know that we care, they want to let us know what happens in their lives so that we can share in the celebration or mobilize the support we can provide. If we are the last to hear, it is time to figure out why.  

Teaching provides us with amazing opportunities to have an impact on the lives of our students. However, we need to be sure that our expectations and behavior preserve and protect our influence and keep our teaching “on the rails” and in a good place. 

Several weeks have passed since the beginning of the school year. Our plans for the new year have been implemented. Some things probably worked better than others. Some things may have had to be adjusted—or even abandoned—and new plans had to be built to replace them. Our excitement and anxiety in meeting our students have passed, and we are getting to know our students better each day. Hopefully, we have found a rhythm and pace that is working, at least for now.  

However, with the arrival of fall, we can find ourselves struggling to stay energetic and optimistic. Now that the beginning of the year has passed and we have settled in, we may be experiencing patterns of interaction and behavior—ours and students—that are not what we want. We may even be uncertain if we are fully following through with the goals we set and the changes to which we committed. We could also be experiencing some nostalgia as the seasons change and the days become shorter.  

These feelings may be telling us that it is time to take a moment and create some time to assess where we are, where we want to go next, and how we intend to get there. In other words, it is time to pause, reflect, and re-energize. Let’s explore how we might engage in each of these crucial assessment and adjustment activities.  

Pause 

• Celebrate what you did to start the year successfully. 

• Identify what seems to be working well now. 
• Celebrate the learning progress students have made. 
• Appreciate the relationships formed so far. 
• Congratulate yourself on something you did that made someone else’s day better. 
• Take some breaks by dedicating evening or weekend time to let school go and focus your attention and energy elsewhere.  

Reflect 

• What initial student behavior no longer needs support, and in turn, what routine scaffolding can be withdrawn? 
• Where do students seem to struggle most in developing learning skills? 
• What are you doing that students might do for themselves? 

• Where can you adjust to conserve time and energy? 
• Where might you collaborate with colleagues to share strategies and build new ideas? 
• What challenges and worries are troubling you most?  

Re-energize 

• Elevate the attention you give to relationships. They create energy, improve outlook, and build confidence.  
• Monitor the amount of scaffolding and daily support you commit to students. They may be ready to be less dependent on you than you assume. 
• Sharpen your focus on helping students develop learning skills rather than memorizing and repeating what they have been taught. Future learning and instruction will be easier if students become more proficient learners.  
• Reach out to colleagues from whom you think you might learn and who might learn from you. Exchanging ideas, building strategies, and even sharing setbacks can energize you and build your confidence to try new things.  
• Clarify and confront what stands in the way of the progress and success you seek. Shifting and solving a few key issues and removing a key barrier or two can be amazingly rejuvenating. 

• Commit to scheduling time away from school with family and friends and engaging in activities that are not work-related. Occasional separation from work can be a great source of energy and a needed reset.  

Remember that this is a time of year when our energy can ebb, and we might begin to question ourselves. Nevertheless, we can seize control and shift our outlook. It may be that, by pausing, reflecting, and re-energizing, we can regain our focus and recharge our enthusiasm. 

Some students come to us with naturally high levels of confidence. They are accustomed to meeting and overcoming the learning challenges presented to them. They are ready to take learning risks, and they are quick to let us know when they need additional attention and support. Other students come to us with doubts and a history of struggle. They question their abilities and are reluctant to take learning chances. These students experience high levels of anxiety and frustration when confronted with learning challenges, sometimes even when we know that they can easily accomplish the tasks before them.  

Notably, students who come to us with low levels of confidence in their learning capacity can present our greatest opportunities for wins. Often, with encouragement, timely support, and coaching, these students can reach new levels of self-assurance and commitment to learning. Their potential is waiting to be unleashed—and we can help them.  

Of course, not all students with low confidence in their ability to learn are the same. Each student needs our attention and understanding. They need us to choose the right strategies at the right times to provide reassurance, guidance, and support. Here are ten strategies to instill more confidence in students.  

Create a safe and secure learning environment. It is nearly impossible for uncertain students to build confidence in an environment that lacks clear expectations, consistent classroom management, and positive relationships. They need to experience high levels of trust and respect. Students must feel secure before they take risks. 

Tell and show students that we believe in them. Students not only need to hear that we believe they can overcome the learning challenges they face, but they also must feel it. We can notice effort and progress and be ready to provide support when they need it. We also can encourage students to believe in themselves. Statements like “You’ve got this” and “I know you can do it” are good places to start. 

Remind students of past progress and successes. When we remind students of times in the past when they faced difficult challenges and were able to make progress and eventually succeed, we provide evidence that has credibility with the students. We can remind students that it is the quality of their work that makes the difference. With quality work, they will succeed. 

Reinforce the importance of effort and strategy. Students often assume that doing well in school is the result of being smart rather than an investment of their energy and commitment. While some students may find that academic work comes easier for them than others, it is an investment of good effort and smart strategy that can level the playing field. Coaching students to focus on the effort they will give rather than worrying about the outcome can be a good confidence boost.  

Provide honest, success-focused feedback. To gain legitimate confidence, students need to know where they stand. Providing clear, objective, honest feedback helps students to understand where they have made progress and where additional attention and effort will be needed. However, we also need to help students see their next steps toward success. Some students will do their best if they can see the big picture. Others will do better if they focus on what is next.  

Resist stepping in too quickly and overcorrecting. When we see less-than-confident students begin to struggle, we can be tempted to step in immediately with hints and advice. Yet, the progress and success that come from struggle is a great confidence booster. Further, intervening too early risks undermining the students’ confidence and increasing their dependence on us. The best approach is to watch carefully and step in at the time when frustration threatens to overwhelm commitment to the task. 

Tap the power of “yet.” When initial attempts do not result in significant progress or success, less-than-confident students often conclude that they are not capable of meeting the learning challenge they face. We can remind them that the message is not that success isn’t possible. Rather, they are simply not quite there yet. They can still learn and succeed. The key is to have them focus on good strategy, smart effort, and persistence. All three are elements within the control of the student.  

Discourage comparisons with others. Students who are not confident can become discouraged when they see other students for whom a learning challenge or new skill seems to come easily. They may not be aware of other areas where those students are struggling or where they were when they started. Students are better served when they focus on their own progress, not on how others are doing.  

Treat mistakes and setbacks as opportunities to learn. Mistakes can be frightening, disheartening experiences when confidence is already lacking. We need to instill in and remind students that mistakes are key building blocks of learning. Without mistakes, little progress is probable. Rather than treating mistakes and setbacks as things to be avoided, we can help students to focus on what has been gained and what can be learned from these experiences.  

Remove scaffolding and supports in response to progress. When engaging in major learning tasks or building complex skills, students often need scaffolding to guide their early efforts. Our early support may come in small increments with frequent application, but as students make progress, we need to be attentive to how much scaffolding and other supports they still need and withdraw them as soon as students are ready to be more independent. Leaving scaffolding in place too long risks stunting progress and encouraging over-reliance on external supports.  

Few experiences in education can offer more satisfaction and reinforcement than helping a student to realize their potential and see themselves as a capable learner. The effort may take a while, but it is more than worth the investment.  

The pressures, challenges, and confusion that surround the work of educators today make trying to do this work alone a daunting prospect. We need to build strong, supportive cultures and nurture positive morale. Above all, we need to support each other.  

However, the pressures we feel and conflicts we face can also lead to behaviors that undermine the very circumstances we seek. We can forget how important it is to build and protect a strong, positive, supportive culture. We can find ourselves and our colleagues engaging in behaviors that work against the needs and goals we have. Here are seven behavior traps against which we need to guard.  

• Talking negatively about colleagues with others. Regardless of whether the comments are made to parents, other colleagues, friends, or even students, this behavior undermines our professional and personal relationships and destroys trust. Not only does this behavior undermine the credibility of the person about whom the comments are made, it can cast a negative shadow on the reputation of the entire staff. When what we say undermines our colleagues, we also cast doubt on our own judgment. The saying that “if you cannot say something good, say nothing” is good advice in this circumstance.  

• Making excuses when failing to follow through. This can take multiple forms. We may accuse others of misunderstanding our commitment. We may point to circumstances as getting in the way of our follow-through. We might even blame others to deflect our own responsibility. Regardless of why, when we do not follow through, we need to own up to our behavior, apologize, and do what we can to make it right.  
• Making assumptions about the behavior and motivations of colleagues. Assigning a negative motivation to what someone said or did before we know the truth is a risky choice. We may think that past behavior, rumors, and hearsay are enough to support our conclusions, yet assuming negative intentions can lead us to accusations that are not justified and statements that later require apologies. As a consequence, trust and relationships suffer. When we don’t know, our best position is to assume the best, or at least remain neutral.  

• Taking advantage of other’s vulnerability. People may come to us for advice, assistance, or support; or we may otherwise be privy to information about challenges our colleagues face or other unfavorable information. As colleagues, they need to be able to trust us to protect their privacy and confidence. Sharing details of the situation with others or using the circumstance to embarrass or exact a future favor is not only unprofessional, but it is also unethical. Trust is challenging to build. We need to be careful not to unthinkingly destroy it.  
• Tolerating bullying and intimidation by colleagues. We work to prevent and deal with bullying among students, and we strive to create conditions where students do not engage in intimidating behavior towards each other. However, bullying also occurs among adults. Less experienced staff especially can be the target of intimidation. For example, they can face demands to provide unquestioning support for the ideas and preferences of more experienced staff members, some of whom may press colleagues of a time-determined “lower status” to accept difficult and unattractive supervision and instructional assignments. And new staff can be expected to accept traditions that favor longer-tenured staff. These and other similar behaviors often demean and embarrass, create divisions, undermine trust, and eventually destroy a healthy culture. Arguing that new staff members will have their turn once they spend adequate time in the school is not an acceptable excuse. We need to avoid any such behavior, and we must refuse to tolerate bullying and intimidation—and confront it when we see it.  

• Declining to volunteer when our expertise and experience are needed. Obviously, there are times when we are willing to volunteer, but our circumstances make it impossible. However, we need to be careful not to take the position that because of our seniority or status, we do not need to serve on committees, assist with task forces, or join planning groups. Everyone benefits when considered thinking, careful reasoning, and good judgement are part of the decision-making process.  
• Refusing to collaborate. We may believe that we work better on our own or that we don’t have the time to collaborate. Yet, the importance of collaboration goes beyond our immediate preferences and convenience. Collaboration is a way to share challenges, strategies, and crucial information that might assist learners. It can be a helpful way to diagnose curricular issues and develop new ideas and approaches. Collaboration also is a good way to mentor and support new staff who may still be learning the curriculum, perfecting their instruction, and exploring their professional role. While collaborating may seem time consuming at first, it can be a powerful tool for continuous improvement, mutual support, and complex problem solving. Collaboration also is a key component of a healthy and productive culture.  

The work of educators is tough enough without our own negative behaviors toward each other creating additional burdens. We need to be quick to offer support and encouragement where it is needed, and we must be ready to confront harmful behaviors when we observe them. Our success and the success of our colleagues and school depend on it.