The Master Teacher Blog

Conflict is an inevitable element of the work we do. Our work is important, after all, and it involves high stakes for the students we care about and serve. We are passionate about our work and do not want to make careless mistakes. Each of us has a unique set of experiences and expertise that we want considered and respected. This combination makes conflict an unavoidable occurrence. 

Of course, conflict is not necessarily a bad thing or something to avoid. In fact, when engaged in with thought, sensitivity, and purpose, conflict can be a significant contributor to a healthy and productive culture, as it can help us to sort the best approaches and find the best solutions.  

On the other hand, conflict can also become a barrier to innovation, a divider of staff, and a drag on the culture if not engaged in skillfully, purposefully, and thoughtfully. Healthy conflict is not just arguing or insisting we have our way.  

A great deal of important planning, decision making, and other work likely lies ahead over the summer months. Predictably, we will encounter diverging opinions about some of the approaches, concepts, and content that we will need to resolve. Skillful handling of these disagreements will be required to reach consensus on the path forward. Here are five strategies to consider that will ensure that any conflicts remain productive.  

Move from defending to listening. When we find ourselves conflicting with someone, our first instinct is often to defend ourselves. While this stance may serve to protect our position and ego, it ignores the probability that there is another side or perspective to know and consider. When we default to defensiveness, we risk accelerating the conflict and embarrassing ourselves when the full picture emerges. Taking time to listen first gives us access to what may be important and saves us from having to backtrack once another perspective is presented. 

Shift from furious to curious. Conflict can be the source of strong emotions. We may feel justified in projecting our anger and frustration. However, like failing to listen, failing to ask open-ended questions and explore the understanding, perspective, and expectations of the other person is likely to move us deeper into conflict rather than toward resolution. Questions such as, “What makes you say that?” “How do you see this situation?” and “What do I need to know?” can be good places to start.  

Go from pressing to patience. When we feel as though we have the correct motivation, position, or understanding, it can be tempting to press the other person to agree with us. Unfortunately, this stance can push the other person to “dig their feet in” to their original stance and stop listening to what we have to say, regardless of how right we may actually be. Taking a step back and giving the other person time and space to think and process can open the door to new information and greater understanding.  

Shift from forcing to flexibility. Similarly, when we feel we are right and we have a path in mind we believe the situation should follow, we can become narrow in our perspective. Simultaneously, we risk missing or rejecting workable, or even excellent, solutions that could lead to the outcome(s) we seek by employing a different strategy or following a different path.  

Move the focus from winning to solving. The emotions and momentum of conflict can lead us to become so focused on “winning” that we forget that the goal is to find the best solution. In fact, conflict over the best path to a shared goal can generate innovative ideas and lead to creative solutions. The key is to focus on what will work, not just getting our way.  

Conflict can be uncomfortable. Sometimes, we may even choose to stay quiet or give in just to avoid it. However, such a choice undervalues our experience and expertise. It also deprives colleagues and the institution of what may be the best, most effective, most innovative solutions to the challenges we face.  

This is not the typical season when many or most of us set aside time to watch the classic movie, It’s a Wonderful Life. Yet, its message is important for our reflection as the school year approaches its end. George Bailey, the film’s protagonist, spent his life in Bedford Falls running a small family bank and serving his community. Sadly, he failed to see the important difference he was making in the lives of those around him. Then, though, he was visited by an aspiring angel who helped him to see how the small, everyday things he did changed lives, created opportunities, and opened doors for those he touched.

People on whom others looked down benefited from George’s confidence, compassion, and encouragement. People with dreams were able to pursue them with the support George provided. The lives of the people of Bedford Falls were improved because of George’s everyday actions. Fortunately, the community was able to tell George this and show their appreciation at the conclusion of the movie. Still, the difference he made was profound and lasting—regardless of whether he was aware of it.

It is not a stretch to make comparisons between George Bailey and the work educators do with children and young people every day. It is true that much of the impact we have will not be visible to us. In some cases, the difference we make in the lives of our students may not even show up for years. In fact, the difference will not always even be obvious to the students whose lives we change. Regardless, it is important for us to pause and reflect on the profound and lasting impact we have.

Consider:

• When we plant a seed of possibility with a student and lift their dreams and aspirations, we may be putting them on a path to a life and achievements beyond what they could have imagined otherwise.
• When we take the time to help a student build a key skill with which they have struggled, we may be giving them a tool that will become a lever for their future success.
• When we notice a budding talent and encourage an emerging passion, we may be paving the way for a future artist, entrepreneur, social or public service worker, community leader, or diplomat.
• When we nurture an insatiable curiosity, we might be opening the door to a future inventor, researcher, scientist, or designer.
• When we take time to listen and understand, we may be preventing someone from harming themselves and instilling hope that carries them through a tough time.
• When we commit to teach, rather than default to punish, when students behave inappropriately, we might be building skills that may prevent a future tragedy or make a neighborhood or community better.
• When we choose to believe in the inherent goodness and potential of our students, we make it possible for them to believe in themselves and to persist and overcome what life places before them.

The fact is that we do George Bailey things every day that make a difference to those around us. We may not immediately see the difference. We may never even hear about many of the positive impacts we have had on the lives of our students. However, these facts in no way diminish the importance or lessen the value of the important work we do.

Over the course of a school year, we engage with students under a wide variety of circumstances and on an extensive array of topics. There is much we want to say to them—and there is much they need to hear from us. However, there are topics to avoid and statements to refrain from making to and in the presence of students.

Some information is confidential without exception. For example, students’ grades, health information, and other personal information are protected by policy and law. The status of other information may be less clear but still requires sensitivity and judgment. In general, we need to avoid saying things that may be perceived as ignoring boundaries, disclosing confidences, and using words to manipulate student behavior. Doing so can undermine trust in our relationships with students and compromise our professionalism. Here are nine things students should not hear from us.

First, we need to avoid sharing detailed information regarding our personal life. Students do need to feel that they know us and have a context for who we are, but there are limits to what we should discuss. As examples, the stress and status of personal relationships, details of our financial situation, mental health challenges, and personal religious beliefs are best kept out of the classroom and away from students in most circumstances. Sharing excessive personal information with students can create unnecessary confusion and stress.

Second, we also need to refrain from sharing negative remarks and personal opinions of colleagues, including the administration and district. We may have strong feelings about the adults with whom we work. However, if we have issues with other adults that need to be resolved, we need to go to those involved and work out our differences. Students should not be pulled into these conflicts; doing so can undermine students’ confidence and disrupt their relationship with us and other adults.

Third, and related, we must avoid sharing personal opinions about other students. Our words and opinions carry significant weight with students. Implying that another student is lazy or complaining that a student has offended us or does not like us is unprofessional and can undermine the respect of students.

Fourth, we need to avoid saying things that imply that our relationships with students are “on the table.” Our relationships with students matter. When we place them at risk to gain compliance, we introduce uncertainty and undermine the trust students often need in order to risk, persist, and learn with us. We should not be our students’ friend, but we still need to protect our relationship from threat and uncertainty. Children and young people are still learning about relationships, and their experience with adult relationships may be tumultuous and precarious. We need to model consistency and authenticity on which students can depend.

Fifth, we must resist sharing and listening to gossip. Gossip undermines trust and credibility, and it can unwarrantedly harm reputations. When we share or listen to gossip about others, we risk having those who observe our behavior wonder what we may be discussing about them in their absence. Engaging in gossip not only undermines professionalism but also sets a poor example for students.

Sixth, we need to resist making comparisons to other students, especially siblings. Comparisons can place undue and unrealistic pressure on students who follow a sibling “star.” Or, when comparisons are negative, they can set the stage for behavior that is even worse than demonstrated by the comparison sibling. Meanwhile, comparisons to other students in the class can also create unhealthy competition and undermine student relationships.

Seventh, we need to avoid saying things like, “Shut up!” and other emotionally driven words including cursing, yelling, and other forms of disrespectful language. Students may stop their behavior and comply with our direction, but they rarely forget. As the saying goes, “We remember how we are treated long after we forget what happened.” Careless, emotionally driven language undermines our professionalism and diminishes trust in and respect for us.

Eighth, we must avoid making sarcastic remarks about or to students. Students may not understand that what we say is intended to be sarcastic. They may not even know what sarcasm is. However, they are likely to understand that, in response, others are laughing at them. Meanwhile, other students may wonder whether and when they will become the targets of ridicule.

Ninth, we should never make negative predictions about a student’s future. Statements such as “You’ll never amount to anything,” or “There is no way you are going to pass this class,” can have a lifelong impact, even if we do not intend to inflict pain. Of course, a few students may take what is said and use it as motivation to prove us wrong. However, most students have neither the confidence nor maturity to take this path. Students are far more likely to take what we say at face value and carry the hurt and disappointment and even behave in ways consistent with our prediction. Stories abound of adults who recall with specificity the negative statements of teachers or other authoritative adults and how they have diminished their aspirations and accomplishments.

The good news is that there are so many positive, supportive, and encouraging things we can say to students that we need not rely on statements and comments that diminish confidence and undermine respect. Avoiding a few thoughtless phrases and hurtful words can make a big difference.

At some point, everyone is likely to feel as though they are in a slump. Famously, professional athletes can find themselves slumping despite considerable talent, effort, and practice. Inventors, writers, actors, entrepreneurs, and artists—and just about anyone else who is committed to progressing, performing, and producing—are likely to find themselves in a slump at some point.

Educators are no different. We may feel as though we have fallen into a rut and are performing on autopilot. We may be feeling as though we have lost our energy and passion for our work. We may even wonder if it is time for a professional change.

The reasons for sinking into a slump can be varied. We may have neglected to keep growing and learning. The work we do and students we teach may have changed and might demand new strategies and approaches. We may be relying on tools and tactics that have served us well in the past but no longer seem to work like they once did. We may feel caught in an environment that is no longer fresh, nurturing, and challenging. The list could go on.

The question is how to break out of the slump and crawl out of the rut. Of course, the nature and cause (or causes) of our situation matter. The strategies we choose to shift our situation will depend on how we understand the challenges we face. Here are eight options to get started:

• Accept that you feel stuck and need to change. We need to resist blaming others—or ourselves—for our circumstances. The first step in breaking out of a slump is to accept where we are and take responsibility for moving forward. We can start by identifying an aspect of our “stuckness” that we control and making it our initial focus. Claiming our agency can be an empowering force for change.
• Take some time to reflect on what may be creating the slump. We can start by asking ourselves questions like: “Do I need a new challenge? Do I find myself circling back to old habits and approaches that no longer seem to work as well? Is it time to learn some new skills and build new competencies? Is my social network stagnant and in need of renewal or expansion?”
• Identify what you really want. Slumps are frequently times of vagueness, restlessness, and ambiguity. We can help ourselves break out of them by clarifying what we would like to happen. Revisiting our values and contemplating what really matters can create focus and build energy. Often, too, creating a visual representation of what matters to us and what we want from life can bring clarity and build commitment.
• Identify a few initial steps you can take. While the change that lies ahead may be large and require considerable effort and planning, taking a few small steps can build confidence and create momentum.
• Mark and celebrate even small progress. Rewarding ourselves for progress can build motivation, especially early on in our efforts. Setting goals, making progress, and recognizing our power can sustain our commitment.
• Resist comparing yourself, your talent, or your potential to others. There will always be people who seem to be able to do what we envision with confidence and ease. Comparing ourselves to others can rob us of confidence, undermine our commitment, and leave us stuck where we are.
• Avoid perfectionism. New learning, new behaviors, and pursuing new goals will bring mistakes, missteps, and setbacks. Perfectionism can create guilt, procrastination, and doubt—these are powerful enemies of progress. We need to focus on getting things done and moving forward rather than being perfect, especially early in the process of breaking our slump.
• Add novelty, spontaneity, and adventure. Change can be hard work, but it can also be exciting and fun if we allow ourselves to be present in it. We can choose to focus on the now and appreciate the unexpected irony and hilarity that life has to offer. Giving ourselves permission to enjoy the journey can also improve our mental health and happiness.

It is true that slumps and ruts are part of life. They may be inevitable, but they do not have to be permanent. When we claim our power, clarify our priorities, and commit to creating the life we deserve, nothing is beyond our reach.

We know that students try harder, persist longer, and are more successful when they feel valued and accepted. Some students enjoy popularity among their peers and naturally feel as though they fit in. Some students gain acceptance through academic success. Still others may excel in the arts, athletics, or other areas.

However, success does not always translate into feeling a sense of value and belonging, especially in the classroom. What we say, how we relate, and the messages we send to students matter, regardless of students’ stature in other contexts.

In fact, we send hundreds—maybe thousands—of messages every day that students perceive and interpret in order to understand whether they matter and belong in our eyes. In innumerable small ways, we communicate what we think, how we feel, and what—and who—we value.

Unfortunately, what we communicate is not always intentional or even a conscious action on our part. We can develop habits that stand in the way of our communicating to students that they matter, and we can overlook opportunities to communicate to students how much we value them.

Now is a good time to take a few minutes to reflect on how we convince students that they are important to us and that they matter. Here are ten elements we can use to get started.

First, notice and greet students. Whether when they enter the classroom, when you pass them in the hallway, or when you encounter them at activities or in the community, noticing students matters. Greeting students by name, supported by a smile, can mean more than we realize.

Second, make eye contact. When listening to and speaking with students, we can be distracted by the task at hand or what we need to do next. Stopping what we are doing, making eye contact, and giving our full attention communicates respect and attentiveness. When students experience that attentiveness, they understand that they matter.

Third, be courteous. Saying “please,” “thank you,” “excuse me,” and other common courtesies may seem obvious, but in our hurried and pressured world, we can forget that students are as worthy of our respect as any adults with whom we interact. Showing respect tells students they matter.

Fourth, be quick to say “I’m sorry.” It may not seem like much, but when we are willing to admit our mistakes, take responsibility, and apologize to students, we communicate that they matter enough for us to want to make things right with them.

Fifth, assume good intentions. What we believe about students has an impact on how we interpret what they say and do. If we choose to think that students are well intended and typically do not want to misbehave or even be disrespectful, we are likely to inquire and explore rather than accuse or criticize. Starting with a premise of positivity reduces the need for students to defend themselves or push back.

Sixth, treat missteps, mistakes, and errors as opportunities for learning. Some of the most powerful learning in life comes in response to mistakes and even failure. We tell students they matter when we respond to missteps and mistakes with inquiry and instruction rather than shame and punishment.

Seventh, explain the “why” of learning. When students understand why they are asked to learn and how what they learn will be useful, they are more likely to invest in learning. Meanwhile, taking time to engage students in the reasons for and value of learning communicates respect and valuing.

Eighth, refuse to give up when students struggle. Students are often quick to give up on themselves when learning is not easy. They may have a history of struggle and assume that they are not capable of learning challenging things. Our patience, persistence, and belief that they will succeed can send a strong message that they are valuable and capable.

Ninth, be curious. Students come with a variety of experiences, backgrounds, and family circumstances. Showing interest in who students are beyond inhabitants of our classroom sends a message of worth. Further, the more we know about students, the better able we are to make connections and help them find relevance in what they are learning.

Tenth, search for students’ gifts and talents. Some students may excel in academic areas. Others may be talented artists or athletes. Still others may be gifted leaders. However, every student has a potential gift. When we are “tuned in” to the talents students may possess—including talents beyond the obvious—and help them to discover and develop what makes them special, we send a message that students can become more than they are and might imagine.

Some students require little convincing and reassurance that they matter and fit in. Others need to hear explicitly and consistently that our classroom is a place where they are valued and included. Fortunately, we hold the power to make our classroom a place where everyone can belong and feel safe.

By this time of year, we have experienced a great deal. We have achieved our share of victories, accomplished many important tasks, and met several difficult challenges. However, we may not see all these reasons to celebrate and feel good because of the thoughtless or insensitive—or even intentionally hurtful—actions or words of others.

The damage can be even worse when we find ourselves struggling or when we are unable to let go of what happened, release the resulting emotions, and move forward. Grudges can be invisible barriers to experiencing the happiness and emotional freedom we deserve. Consider these consequences when we find ourselves carrying resentments for past actions.

Grudges allow others to “live rent free” in our minds. Holding a grudge means that we remain conscious of or even preoccupied with what someone did to us. We revisit the experience when we see the person, someone mentions the person, or we even think about them. Our preoccupation with what was said or done—and our inability to let go of the incident—might be compared to their living in our heads, occupying valuable space.

Holding a grudge repeats the hurt. In fact, grudges can do more damage to us than the original actions that hurt us. Replaying the incident often refreshes the memory and fuels the emotions that initially gave rise to the grudge. While the incident itself likely happened only once, our replaying it in our minds can have the effect of being hurt repeatedly.

Grudges are a kind of trap. They can leave us looping through anger, resentment, bitterness, and hopelessness, and we can even feel as though we are stuck with no way “out.” Our anger can drain our energy and steal our happiness; as a result, we become bitter, and our bitterness can leave us feeling weak and resigned to our negative feelings.

Grudges can steal our physical and mental health. The emotional toll that can accompany a grudge may compromise our immune system and leave us vulnerable to colds, flu, and other ailments. Holding grudges can also create chronic stress, raise our anxiety, and lead to depression.

Obviously, these are not pleasant consequences. Few of us would choose to experience them without a strong reason to do so. However, grudges (especially those that are the result of significant actions and have been held for extended time) are not easy to abandon.

Fortunately, we have some excellent models for letting go and choosing not to carry the burden that grudges represent; Mahatma Gandhi and Nelson Mandela come to mind. Certainly, both individuals had ample reason to resent how they were treated in their lives and hold significant grudges, yet they chose to rise above their circumstances and feelings, achieve great things, and actively pursue—and experience—happiness.

So, how might we go about letting go of a grudge? Here are five steps to take:

• Accept what happened. We might consider it a learning opportunity, a lesson in behavior, or an unintentional incident. The key is to accept, rather than mentally fight, what happened.
• Do not hold out for an apology. We can only control ourselves, our own actions and reactions. Our choice to let go may be all we need or can expect. Letting go of expectations for the behavior of someone else can be freeing.
• Choose to forgive. Forgiveness has more to do with us than with the person whom we are forgiving. Interestingly, the origin of the word “forgive” is to “give for” or “replace.” When we forgive, we free ourselves to replace resentment and blame with peace, freedom, and even empathy.
• Refocus on what is important and controllable. Grudges can commandeer significant time and energy. When we choose to let go of a grudge, we can invest our attention, commitment, and talents elsewhere. We might take on a project, commit to a mission, or perform a service that will bring us satisfaction and renew our spirit.
• Commit to not allow another to occupy space in your mind unless you invite them. Choosing to spend time and give our attention to the people who care about us and for whom we care can be a welcome and refreshing change to carrying a weighty grudge.

It is inevitable that we will encounter thoughtless, careless, and insensitive people, even people who are intentionally and unapologetically unkind—or just downright mean. We need to remember that what others say and do is less important than how we choose to respond. Their control over us is limited to what we choose to allow.

Some people seem to be naturally charismatic. They are people to whom others look when they want to know what to do and how to act. Being around charismatic people can be fun and affirming.  

However, charisma is not magic. The fact is that it can be developed with intention and practice. According to researchers, charisma is largely determined by two factors: affability and influence. Affability refers to how likeable others see us, and influence is how likely we are to enlist and motivate others. The first factor is about relationships. The second is about leadership. 

To be clear, we do not have to have a high level of charisma to be successful. Some of us would prefer to work in the background and not be noticed; we would rather do the work than make decisions and lead the work. Successful organizations are comprised of people with diverse personalities, emotional needs, and aspirations. We need to be our authentic selves. One thing is certain: Trying to be someone other than who we are is a sure way to increase our stress, undermine our confidence, and leave us exhausted. 

On the other hand, increasing charisma may be something we would like to pursue. If so, there are several behaviors and skills we will want to develop to build our affability and influence.  

First, we can attend to our nonverbal behaviors. Our posture, tone of voice, and body positioning all matter. For example, leaning in when listening to and maintaining eye contact with a person can signal attention and respect. Speaking confidently is likely to be read as certainty. Standing straight and walking with purpose communicates self-assurance. 

Second, we can choose to be optimistic. People like to be around those who see the best in others. People want to follow those who see the best in situations and look for opportunities rather than become mired in doom and gloom.  

Third, we might focus on solutions rather than “admiring the problem.” It has been said that anyone can find a problem—leaders focus on how to solve them. When confronting challenges, we can focus on what can be done rather than how difficult the situation is going to be.  

Fourth, we can develop our sense of humor. Appreciating absurdity, finding humor in the ironic, and appreciating the serendipitous can make us approachable. Not taking ourselves and life too seriously can be attractive to people around us and those we want to lead. 

Fifth, we can lift others up over claiming credit for ourselves. This behavior does not mean that we deny the good work we do and accomplishments we earn. Rather, we recognize that few successes are achieved alone; in most circumstances, success is the result of joint effort and mutual support. Of course, in recognizing and giving credit to our team or group, we also give credence to our contributions to the outcome.  

Sixth, we can build and pursue shared purpose. Most of us want to be part of something important that is bigger than ourselves. Inviting and inspiring others to contribute to a worthy cause or join a heroic crusade can be compelling. We may need to provide the stimulus and maybe even frame the vision, but giving others a role and sharing ownership can be powerful motivators.  

Seventh, we need to earn and demonstrate credibility. Credibility comes from building and exhibiting expertise. Further, knowledge and wisdom are key components of credibility. We can be the person to provide reassurance, guidance, assistance, and support when others are uncertain and need someone on whom they can rely.  

Charisma can be a useful addition to our leadership profile. However, we need to remember that charisma is only as worthy as the goals it is employed to accomplish and the benefits it accrues to those around us. 

“Sticks and stones can break my bones, but words can never harm me.” Of course, we know that this statement is not true, at least not the second part. Sticks and stones may cause physical harm, sure, but words can also inflict pain and cause lasting hurt. The difference is that one injury is often visible while the other is not.

Like with physical injuries, the hurt caused by words is not always intentional, and its impact may be unexpected. Yet, careless words can be no less hurtful than careless actions. A comment in an emotional moment, an ill-considered observation, or a thoughtless piece of advice can carry more weight and do more harm that we might imagine. They can also have a lasting impact. Many of us can recall comments, observations, or criticisms from people who matter to us that have stuck with us for years, and even decades.

Importantly, the words we say to ourselves can be just as harmful as the words others hurl at us. The impact is even worse when we say negative things to ourselves repeatedly. Our brains use repetition as a key learning process. The brain searches for patterns and looks for consistency to make sense of what is happening to us and what is going on around us. As a result, the truth is less influential than how often we are exposed to a message or theme. This is the power of self-talk. What we say to and about ourselves matters.

Further, negative words can stimulate chemical changes in our bodies. Multiple studies have shown that negative words release stress- and anxiety-producing hormones. They can also contribute to long-term anxiousness and lower levels of self-perception.

Fortunately, there is good news about the words we hear and use, too. Experts advise that positive words and thoughts can change how we feel and how we interact with the world. Focusing on positive thoughts and words stimulates activity in the frontal lobe of the brain. The more we focus on what is positive and adopt an optimistic outlook, the more we “heal” our thinking and shift toward a positive perception of others and the world in general.

Herein lies the power of affirmations to shift our thinking, increase our confidence, and make us happier. The repetition of positive affirmations takes advantage of our brain’s tendency to believe what it hears. The same phenomenon that makes negativity so powerful can be harnessed to make us healthier and happier. The more often we repeat positive affirmations, the more our brains assume them as truth and will shift our thinking and perceptions.

The power of words needs to be heeded as we decide with whom to spend time and form friendships. We may not be able to choose everyone with whom we work and associate, but we can resist allowing their attitudes and perceptions to become ours. Being conscious of negative speaking patterns and themes can help us to take counteraction. We also need to do what we can to minimize the time spent with these negative people and the influence they have on our thinking and perceptions of ourselves.

Further, when we hear words that hurt, we need to respond (at least to ourselves) with countering messages such, “That is not accurate” or “That is not who I am.” Our brains need to hear that what was said is not to be accepted or believed. Allowing the words and the hurt they carry to remain unchallenged risks our giving them more weight and impact than they deserve.

We can find ourselves on both sides of the words hurt-and-heal issue. There will be times when we say things that hurt, things we regret. We need do what is necessary to counter the damage, apologize, and learn from the experience. When we are hurt by the words of others, we need to do what is necessary to avoid allowing ourselves to be caught up in the negativity and push back against it through what we say to ourselves.

This time of the year can be challenging. After all, the holiday breaks have passed, the days are short, and the weather may not be pleasant. Spring can seem a long way off. For many, this a month when we struggle to remain motivated, creative, and productive. We may feel out of control and anxious, and even seemingly small things can upset us in ways we do not expect.

We need strategies that can help us to regain a sense of control, reduce feelings of confusion and anxiety, and renew our confidence and commitment. Fortunately, there is a wealth of research on how we can make this happen within our daily lives. As simple as it may sound, daily rituals can help us to feel centered and more confident. They can lead us to feel less anxious, and they can even reduce our stress. Rituals can give a greater sense of order and predictability to our lives.

A ritual is defined as a predetermined sequence of symbolic actions, often characterized by formality and repetition. As that definition indicates, rituals typically have symbolic meaning, but they may have no obvious useful purpose. They may have religious and spiritual origins, but they do not have to have a religious connection to be effective.

Engaging in rituals is pervasive and thus not limited to any one occupation. Many athletes, for example, form and maintain rituals to lower their anxiety, bring order to their actions, and help them to focus on upcoming competition. They may put on the components of their uniform in a specific order, prepare equipment in an exact way, or follow other carefully sequenced preparatory and/or in-competition activities. Artists, too, often engage in rituals. They organize equipment and materials with careful thought and consistency. Artists may seek familiar settings and surroundings to do their best work, even though we might assume that is not the setting that generates creativity, but the artist. Consider that author Charles Dickens always slept with his head facing north, believing that doing so made him more creative. Author and poet Maya Angelou would only write in a hotel room with all pictures removed from the wall.  

Rituals are not habits. We may engage in habits without thinking, while rituals carry meaning and purpose to us. Where habits can be engaged in without awareness of any connection or supposed influence, rituals are grounded in meaning, consciousness, purpose, and mindfulness.

Of course, we need to be careful to avoid rituals that may be toxic for us. “Doomscrolling” on social media and watching (and then obsessing over) the daily news, are two common examples. Toxic rituals work against the goals of gaining control and lessening our anxiety.

So, how might we use rituals to help us gain a sense of control? Here are some possibilities:

• We can develop a morning ritual that helps us to wake and prepare for the day. We might review what lies ahead and remind ourselves of our ability to succeed regardless of what the day might hold. Our morning ritual might include stretching and exercising, texting a close friend or relative and wishing them a good day, or some other activity that gives us a sense of control and well-being.
• When arriving at school, we might engage in a ritual that includes greeting colleagues, securing coffee, and previewing the lessons we designed for the day. The result can be feelings of connectedness and readiness for what lies ahead.
• When students arrive, we may engage in a ritual that includes greeting and engaging in handshakes, high-fives, or other gestures that convey connection and caring. Our positive interaction can set a positive tone and expectation for how the day will go.
• When we are going to meet with parents, we might engage in a ritual that includes thinking about how the parents might feel and what they will need from us in order for the meeting to be successful. Understanding and anticipating what parents might be feeling can help us to be confident and empathetic.
• As we prepare for the next day, we might engage in a prescribed sequence of activities such as reviewing what happened and what we learned from today, what students will need to move to the next level of learning, and how we might design activities that will support the learning for which they are ready.
• We might end the day with rituals that help us to let go of what may have frustrated or distracted us. We might put away materials, store equipment, and leave our classrooms without bringing anything that we will not need at home during the evening. This ritual can help to create separation between our work and home lives so that we enjoy the evening and return refreshed tomorrow.

Of course, not all rituals must be functional. In fact, experts note that the nature of rituals is less important than the significance given to them by the people who practice them. We might choose to wear our “lucky outfit,” repeat a favorite mantra, or do something else that helps us to feel more in control, lessen our anxiety, and dissipate our stress. The choice is ours.