The Master Teacher Blog

When we assume the role of teacher in a school and school district, we are granted several formal powers upon which we can draw. Because we represent the institution, we have the power to administer campus policies, uphold formal standards, and enforce institutional rules. In addition, our role as a teacher empowers us to establish classroom rules, create structures, develop procedures, assign tasks, evaluate progress and performance, determine grades, and perform other actions.

However, formal sources of power, as strong as they may be, have limits; relying too heavily on them can, in fact, undermine our effectiveness and even work against our goals of inspiring students, creating a positive learning environment, convincing students to persist, and positioning them to find meaning in their learning. Meanwhile, today’s students are less likely than previous generations to grant status and give deference to educators based on the formal role those educators play and the power granted to them by the institution.

Gaining the compliance, cooperation, and commitment of students today requires understanding, developing, and tapping a second set of powers. These powers are less formal and more relationship based, but they are ultimately far more powerful than the powers granted by the institution.

These informal powers come naturally to some people and are more challenging for others. Most of them can be developed with time and practice, even when they initially do not feel natural. Others may fit best for teachers with certain personalities and preferences. The truth is that we do not need to employ all these sources of power at once—or ever, even. The key is to be ourselves and tap the powers that fit who we are and how we choose to engage with our students.

Let’s explore five sources of influence that are not granted by our position, yet they have the potential to stimulate learning, build strong relationships, and even ignite lifelong aspirations for our students.

The first is credibility. Credibility comes from a deep knowledge of content, lived experience, and teaching expertise. Teachers with credibility can break down learning tasks, provide useful hints, and share effective strategies. They are quick to provide real-world examples and make interesting and useful connections. In doing so, they may share personal experiences and add meaningful context, and they can provide clear examples and explain implications related to what students are learning.

The second power is culture building. Teachers who tap this power create a sense of belonging for all students by cultivating mutual respect, establishing clear norms, and demanding inclusivity. Students in their classes often feel as though they are a part of something bigger than themselves. Students may even feel as though they are part of a team that supports everyone’s learning. As a result, students experience less isolation, reduced conflict, and strong connections.

The third informal power is charisma. Teachers who tap the power of charisma project confidence, passion, and energy. They often seem bigger than life and are the leaders whom students naturally want to follow. These teachers often have a rich sense of humor and may be fun-loving and playful. They demonstrate high levels of emotional intelligence. Of course, not everyone may be a performer, but being authentic, optimistic, and confident can go a long way in building charisma.

The fourth source of informal power is connections. The power of connections can be seen in strong positive relationships with students and others, relationships typically based on caring, knowing, helping, understanding, and supporting students. These teachers believe in individual potential and are strong advocates for students’ needs and interests. Meanwhile, they are attuned to emotions, needs, and hopes. Careful listening is a central source of their influence. Consequently, they can more successfully navigate challenges and manage conflicts.

The fifth source is creativity. Teachers who tap this source of informal power are flexible and adaptable, quick to adjust to unique needs of students. They offer choices and other opportunities for students to experience empowerment, and they respond to the unexpected without losing sight of important goals. They may be skilled at improvisation, and often, they find humor in the absurd and ridiculous.

Without a doubt, success as a teacher requires the support that comes with formal, positional power. However, formal power is rarely enough to sustain our success. It is our access to our own informal influence that allows us to find sustainable success with students and nurture their learning in the face of inevitable challenges.

What if investing less than five minutes per day could change our outlook, help us to become more optimistic, and make us feel better about ourselves? And what if this same set of activities could also leave others with whom we interact wanting to be around and spend more time with us? It may seem fantastical, but it might be easier than we assume. 

The power behind this shift resides in two fundamental truths. First, we tend to find what we look for. When we seek and expect to find good in others, we see more of it. Discovering more good leads us to being more positive and optimistic. Second, when we share with others what we notice about the positive behaviors and characteristics they demonstrate and the difference they make, they feel better about themselves and us. The more that we notice the good around us, the better we feel. The more we share with others the good they bring, the better they feel.  

The good news is that we do not have to allocate significant new time or add demanding tasks to our daily routines to experience such a shift. What is important is where we focus and what we prioritize. We need to look for specific actions, interactions, and impacts to collect and share. In fact, noticing as few as two or three things a day and sharing our observations with others is enough to get started.  

How we share our observations also matters. Mentioning what we notice is good, but for real impact and staying power, we need to spend at least twenty seconds adding details, examples, and context, and describing their impact. In fact, the twenty seconds we spend acknowledging a person’s strengths and impact can make their day or week—and maybe even shift the direction of their life. 

So, what should we look for? Here are five areas to begin: 

• Note someone’s area of strength and tell them. Everyone has strengths, including some of which we may not even be conscious. Hearing about them—and how they impact others—matters. Even when someone notices and calls attention to what we already consider our strengths, that makes us feel good, and we may be inspired to invest even more.  
• Look for someone’s contribution and mention it. Every day, people do things that make life and work better for others. The action may be something with a high profile, or it may be barely noticed. Regardless, our world works best when people are willing to act in ways that benefit others. Having these behaviors noticed can make practicing them feel more significant and often encourages even more contributions. 
• Listen for a good question and reinforce it. Schools are places where questions abound. Of course, not all questions lead to inquiry and insight and initiate action. When we hear a good question, regardless of the status of the source, we need to treasure it. We also do well to share our gratitude for the question, why we believe it to be important, and where it might lead. Our reinforcement can provide their reinforcement to build the courage to ask even more important questions.  
• Watch for a unique insight and capture it. Like good questions, insights are not always easily recognized. Our attention and support might be the stimulus needed for someone to continue to examine important challenges and uncover important knowledge.  
• Reflect on what we appreciate in others and share it. Even during trying times, there are people around us whose care, support, and general presence we appreciate. However, we may not take the time to tell these people what they mean to us and why. Hearing that they are valued and make a difference can easily make their day and more.  

We may be surprised to find that others are often not conscious of the power of their actions and the difference they make. Our willingness to observe and share the impact they have costs us little beyond our attention and a few minutes, if even that, of our time. However, our pointing out that difference lifts its significance and amplifies its impact. Best of all, we will have made the lives of others better while also enriching ours. 

Unlike some professions, it is not always easy to leave behind teaching-related obligations and preoccupations at the end of the day. Yet, failure to separate work life and home life can be a source of stress, anxiety, exhaustion, and even depression.  

Fortunately, there are strategies we can employ and steps we can take to move us in the direction of having time for ourselves. Work does not always have to dominate our thinking and drive how we invest our time. Here are ten ideas to consider. Of course, not every strategy may work for everyone, but they can be helpful places to start. 

Set a time to finish and leave work. Of course, there will be days when events will conspire to make meeting the goal not realistic. However, having a deadline can make us more efficient and force prioritization of key tasks. In the absence of a deadline, we can drift into new and less crucial tasks, thus crowding out prioritized actions and delaying departure. Lack of focus can also add to our stress and increase feelings of guilt.  

Create a closeout routine. We might take a few minutes at the end of the day to reflect on or even make a list of what we accomplished. A few minutes of reflection can help us to track our progress, improve our productivity, and build a sense of accomplishment. We also might commit to putting away materials and files to create a clean and organized workspace to return to in the morning. We might plan to briefly touch base with colleagues. Of course, we need to be careful to avoid unnecessarily expanding our day—or someone else’s.   

Create a plan for the next day. Developing a to-do list can create clarity and reduce anxiety about forgetting or missing an important task or obligation. Hint: We might intentionally leave at least one task or activity we enjoy or look forward to for the next morning. Having something pleasant and pleasurable to begin the day can set a positive tone and provide motivation for what lies ahead. Meanwhile, we will be able to avoid having to worry about and construct the list during the evening.  

Be thoughtful about tasks selected for completion at home. Just because something could be done at home during the evening or over the weekend does not mean that it has to be completed then. Sometimes completing a task or project can give significant relief or a sense of accomplishment and is worth allocating the time and attention. However, we need to consider the tradeoffs and opportunity costs.  

Make work in the evening a choice, not an obligation. Building on the previous suggestion, how we think about doing work outside of the workday matters. Choosing to take work home can feel different than feeling as though it is an obligation. If we want to avoid evening tasks, we might choose to stay a little longer or arrive earlier in the morning.  

Use the commute as a break between work and home. Our commute can be a time for clearing mind clutter and creating healthy separation from work. During the transition, we might listen to music or a favorite podcast, practice deep breathing, or just relax and enjoy the weather. We might even consider singing to ourselves the Frozen song, “Let It Go,” as a mantra.  

Take home nothing not needed for the evening. We can be tempted to take tasks and projects home “just in case,” even though we may not be fully committed to their completion. Not having tools and materials available can make it easier to detach and lessen feelings of guilt. A full backpack can make us feel conscientious, but it can also be a guilt-inducing burden.  

Plan something specific and enjoyable for the evening. Having something to which we look forward can help to make the shift quicker and more pleasurable. Maybe it is a favorite television show or movie, a child’s activity, or just spending time with loved ones that can be our focus. Of course, what we do is less important than what it means to us.  

Create an after-work routine. We might engage in an exercise routine, practice meditation, or engage in a hobby. Regardless, this is a good time to intentionally avoid thinking about work. Often, taking a break from thinking about a problem can refresh our thinking and even lead to new ideas and perspectives. Surprisingly, something as small as regularly changing from school clothes to exercise, project, or at home clothes can shift our mood and mindset. 

Avoid scrolling through and responding to emails, texts, and social media during the evening. Reviewing lists of emails, reading texts, and engaging in social media can pull us back to work and raise our anxiety. Even worse, our engagement risks generating responses to which we feel obligated to respond. Our actions also may be read as permission for people to engage us outside of work hours. If we feel the urge to send emails, we might at least schedule them to be delivered at the time people return to work in the morning.  

Admittedly, creating separation between work and the rest of our lives can be a challenge. However, doing so can improve our health, happiness, and productivity. Even if we are not completely successful, it can make a positive difference and likely will be more than worth the effort.  

Staff lounges often have a reputation as being places of toxic negativity. Too often, they are perceived as places filled with constant complaints, unending negativity, and pervasive cynicism. In fact, new teachers are frequently advised to avoid the staff lounge as much as they can.  

Yet, staff lounges often play important roles in the life of a school. They may be where copy machines are located, paper cutters and punches and other equipment are available, and other frequently used materials are stored. Lounges often house staff mailboxes. They also may be the place where staff are expected to have lunch. Consequently, they cannot always be avoided. 

Fortunately, staff lounges do not have to be negative, energy-sapping places. Of course, we cannot mandate positivity, nor should every conversation be upbeat and optimistic. That is not real life. Still, there are steps we can take to make the teachers’ lounge a place to relax, reflect, converse, and collaborate. We can make them cheerful, attractive, warm, and welcoming spaces. Of course, what we can do depends on the availability of resources; what is realistic for one campus or district may not be feasible for another. Consider these six steps as places to start your thinking: 

• Design the space as a connection, collaboration, information, and inspiration center. We might designate a wall or bulletin board to post tech tips of the week, education-related cartoons and jokes, staff shoutouts and upcoming birthdays, inspiring or humorous quotes, thank-you notes and news articles, and even idea and strategy postings. Space might be designated to highlight accomplishments of present and former students and updates on staff members. Of course, inspiring artwork can add to the vibe.  
• Create a comfortable and inviting space. If funds and resources are available, stock the space with flexible furniture. Small tables of varying sizes can encourage collaboration. High-top tables can add variety. Soft seating can facilitate conversations. Small cubicles can offer privacy and space to think. The image of a coffee shop can help to stimulate imagination. Staff who desire to do so could donate furniture and items of good quality to this cause. 
• Add stress-reducing surroundings. Live plants that are easy to maintain can bring nature inside and add color and beauty. Also, consider installing a live fish tank if it can be maintained. Fish tanks are often placed in physicians’ offices and other high-stress places as they have been shown to be especially effective in calming emotions and reducing stress.  
• Craft a comfortable context. Where possible, shift lighting from overhead florescent lights to lamps, indirect lighting, and other more inviting sources of illumination. Add a new coat of paint that reflects the desired environment; a blend of calming and energizing colors can help, depending on the amount and configuration of the space. Creating a wall mural can add interest and variety. This could also be a worthwhile project for art students, which would add to the sense of community and culture as well. 
• Schedule regular social events. Consider themed days and weeks, holiday celebrations, and birthdays for potluck breakfasts and lunches. Morning pastries or healthy snacks and end-of-day “grab-and-go” beverages can build feelings of connectedness, belonging, caring, and appreciation. However, these gatherings need to be regular and frequent to have an impact. Weekly activities are optimal, but monthly events can still make a difference.  
• Commit to an environment of care, encouragement, and support. Encourage actions that are constructive and collaborative. The shared development and posting of norms can help to communicate expectations and guide behavior. Here are some norms to consider:  

1. If I see a problem, I will take responsibility to seek a solution. 

2. If I have a complaint, I will share it with someone who can do something.  

3. If someone is struggling, I will be ready to listen.  

4. If someone needs help, I will pitch in.  

5. If I need help, I will ask for assistance. 

Staff lounges do not have to be places to avoid. In fact, they can become the heart of the school. They can be a place we go for support, encouragement, celebration, and rest. However, creating and maintaining the environment we seek requires clarity, commitment, and cooperation. Totally doable! 

“God, grant me patience, and give it to me right now!” This statement may capture our sentiment in response to dozens of situations we face. This is a time of year when our patience can grow thin. We feel the need to move learning along, but not every student may be ready. Or we may be dealing with off-task and low-commitment behaviors that we allow to accelerate our frustration.  

When students struggle and fail to make the progress we expect, we can become impatient and press harder in response. Yet, our lack of patience often makes the situation worse. Students become anxious and unable to think clearly and work efficiently. The result can be a descending cycle of frustration and emotional upset, leading to even less learning.  

Admittedly, correcting some situations may require more than patience, but without it, progress is likely to be slow and other efforts to correct the situation will suffer. Our patience can offer reassurance and space so that our instruction, coaching, and encouragement can be effective. 

Equally important, increasing our patience can improve our mood, deepen our empathy, and strengthen our relationships. Increased patience makes us better collaborators and coworkers. Patience can also help us to be more successful in reaching goals and achieving long-term career success.  

However, patience is not just a matter of deciding to be patient. While some people have a natural tendency to be more patient, patience is a skill that can be developed and strengthened with strategy and practice. Of course, we also need to be patient with ourselves as we work to strengthen and expand our ability to listen, focus, and encourage our students and their learning. If patience is something we want to build, here are seven actions worth considering: 

• Practice pausing. The space between what happens and how we choose to respond is the door to practicing patience. The good news is that we don’t have to pause long. We used to think that we needed to count to ten in order to allow ourselves time to get hold of our emotions and craft a productive response. However, experts say that if we give ourselves just two seconds, our “gut” response will pass, and we will be able to avoid an emotional eruption. 
• Slow down. Practicing patience is most difficult when we are in a hurry. Rather than allow ourselves to feel rushed, we can consciously let go of our urgency and slow our thinking. Often, the simple act of slowing down allows us to better understand what is happening and how we are reacting. It can also help us to see options and opportunities that we otherwise are likely to miss.  
• Focus on breathing. Focusing on our breathing and choosing to slow the pace and deepen our breaths can break the tension and frustration we feel and allow us to think and make better decisions about what we need to do next.  
• Commit to listening. Listening is among the most powerful strategies for building patience. It shifts our focus from what we are feeling and what we want to do to giving our attention to someone else. When we are really listening, we also often gain new information about the other person and situation. Listening can dispel faulty assumptions, inform our understanding, and keep us from saying or doing things in our frustration that we later regret.  
• Be present. When we focus on what is happening and do not allow our attention to be elsewhere, we are more likely to pick up signals and clues that can help us to better understand the situation and what is needed. On the other hand, when we are preoccupied by what should be happening or needs to happen next, we can find it difficult to be patient and understanding.   
• Identify triggers. There are types of incidents, certain circumstances, or even people who are more likely to try our patience. We can keep track of situations in which we struggle most and search for patterns that may point to common sources of our frustration. Knowing the times, conditions, and people that can lead us to struggle can offer useful insights about where to place our efforts in circumstances when we need to prepare to be patient.  
• Practice acceptance. Being willing to accept circumstances as they are and not allow them to drive our impatience may be the most difficult strategy for practicing patience, especially if we have a strong desire to control. Yet, becoming impatient with things over which we have no control is a waste of energy. When we feel our impatience begin to grow, we can ask ourselves, “Is this something I can control or change?” If not, we might choose to accept the situation and let it go or find something else to focus on that will not lead to frustration and impatience. 

Growing our patience offers multiple benefits for us and others in our lives. When we free ourselves from frequent impatience, we recapture energy that we can allocate to other, more productive endeavors. Meanwhile, those around us are subjected to less tension and gain a more patient teacher, colleague, friend, or family member.  

We know that the environment within which learning occurs matters. The right environments can encourage and facilitate learning, while environments filled with conflict, fear, and confusion can have the opposite effect. As we approach the midpoint in the school year, now is a good time to step back and consider what is working well, what may need attention and adjustment, and what may need to be abandoned and replaced.  

A good place to start is to conduct a scan of how well the current operation of your classroom reflects your hopes, expectations, and priorities across nine key aspects of operation. Here are questions to stimulate and support your reflection:  

• Instructional strategies: How well are instructional strategies aligned to individual student readiness and needs? Do classroom activities regularly include variety, novelty, humor, voice, and choice? How well informed are students of their progress? How frequent, timely, and effective is the learning feedback students receive?  
• Learning focus: How consistently are students actively engaged in their learning? Are students more focused on learning or on grades? How often do students set goals for their learning? How frequently do students have opportunities to review and reinforce previous learning?  
• Learning Progress: Whose learning is on track, and who is falling behind? What recognition and encouragement do successful students need now? What supports are available and accessed by students who are struggling? What role do students play in monitoring their progress? How might students become more involved in and accountable for monitoring their progress?  
• Emotional climate: What is the emotional tenor in your classroom? What is the level of worry, fear, and stress? What might be done to lower the levels of emotion that may interfere with learning? How anxious or stressed are you?  
• Relationships: How strong and stable are your relationships with students? Do students seek you out when they have academic and personal concerns and struggles? Do students accept, support, and encourage each other? Have families bought in to your course expectations and goals? 
• Management activities: How well are classroom routines addressing transitions, learning activities, and student behavior challenges? In what areas do you still have to remind students of routines and expectations? How frequently are you able to anticipate potential issues or problems and take steps to prevent their emergence? What opportunities exist to make better use of time?  
• Behavioral issues: What types of behavior issues are you finding to be most frequent and disruptive? What have you tried that has been effective in moving students to more acceptable behavior? Where do you struggle most with behavior issues? How are you ensuring that all students are treated equitably? Where might you access support to expand your strategies, receive coaching, or other types of assistance?  
• Technology use: How integrated is available technology with learning activities? What is the balance of student engagement with technology as consumers, appliers, and creators? What opportunities exist for students to use technology to extend their learning beyond simply consuming information and regurgitating it? 
• Physical supports: How well does the arrangement of classroom furniture reflect student learning and engagement goals? Is the room aesthetically pleasing and reflective of the cultures and demographics of students? Are supplies, materials, and equipment organized and readily accessible?  

Obviously, there may be many aspects of your classroom environment that deserve attention. However, be careful not to become overwhelmed. Choose a few areas on which to focus. Meanwhile, do not forget to pause and reflect on what is working well, lessons you have learned, and successes you have achieved. 

We may not think much about the concept of awe. When we do, though, we likely associate it with grand works of nature, like the Grand Canyon or Mount Everest, or incredible displays of power, such as lightning strikes or hurricanes. Or we may associate awe with magnificent works of art or jaw-dropping acts of compassion or skill. Of course, the stimuli of the experience we know as awe are varied, and they are not all as grand or stunning as these examples. 

Experts note that the feeling of awe can be stimulated by vastness that is difficult to comprehend, challenges to what we have thought or assumed, and exceptional acts of human virtue and ability. We can be awestruck while walking in nature, observing an act of kindness, or hearing a new piece of music.  

While experiencing awe can be surprising and delightful, it also holds significant benefits for our mental and emotional health. Researchers describe awe as an emotion like joy, contentment, and love, but it is separate from each of these. Experiencing awe has been shown to reduce anxiety, calm the nervous system, and increase our ability to cope with stress. Experiencing awe stimulates the release of oxytocin, often called the “love hormone.” 

Importantly, experiencing awe does not have to be expensive. Nor does it require travel to a far-off place or demand extra time and planning. We can make awe-filled experiences, and their associated benefits, a frequent presence in our lives. Here are five common circumstances in which we can discover and experience awe: 

• We are fully present. Our attention is completely given to what is happening, free from distractions.  
• We notice and are open to what is happening around us. Awe can be experienced in almost any place if we just look for and notice it in our surroundings. 
• We look for the goodness in others. People engage in awe-inspiring behaviors more frequently than we may assume. Common people do uncommon things for other people far more often than is noticed.  
• We expose ourselves to art, music, science, and other experiences that stimulate our emotions, offer astonishing surprises, and capture our imagination. 
• We try something new and unfamiliar. First-time experiences can expose us to new thinking and novel ideas, expose us to opportunities, and open doors of possibility and surprise.  

Awe can also be a powerful tool for stimulating learning to which students will commit and long remember. Consider how awe might be a part of the learning we offer to students: 

• What concepts in math, science, or other subjects might we use to challenge the assumptions and beliefs students bring with them? 

• What stories of compassion, kindness, and sacrifice might stimulate an interest in and growing commitment to an upcoming topic of study?  
• How might art, music, or dance provide a unique perspective on a learning challenge or social problem?  
• How might we tap the wonders of nature to illustrate the vastness of the universe and the intricacy of a blooming flower?  
• How might we inspire awe as our students observe the power of relationships and valuing of each other? 

Use your imagination to add to this list and create awe in the learning experiences of your students. It’s totally worth it!

We want our students to have an experience with us that is memorable and impactful. We want them to look back on their time with us with warmth, pride, pleasure, and gratitude. However, such experiences usually do not just happen. The conditions necessary to generate exceptional experiences are created, nurtured, and protected.  

We also know that the conditions that engender these lifelong memories and feelings lead to high levels of learning, build confidence, and sustain engagement. Fortuitously, most of the factors that comprise these conditions are within our control; they do not necessarily require special expertise, exceptional technical knowledge, or unusual interpersonal skills. That being said, creating these conditions does require thought, persistence, and some specific beliefs. Here are five mindsets we can adopt that will position our students to thrive.   

Every student needs to feel included and supported. A sense of belonging is a powerful driving force for learning and behavior. Students who feel they are a part of a caring, supportive community are more likely to take learning risks, give their best effort, and persist in the face of setbacks. Students who feel the care and concern of adults in their lives are less likely to persistently act out and resist behavior expectations and guidance. Feeling included and supported sets the stage for engagement and success.  

Every student has the capacity to do better. Some students come to us with a record of high achievement and learning success. Others come with a history of struggle and lack of expected progress. Still, other students bring with them a trail of reasonable effort and moderate success. Regardless of their history, every student has the potential to do better and be better than their current performance indicates. When we approach every student with the mindset that greater success is in their future, good things almost always happen. Students can feel our confidence and expectations. Consequently, we can nudge and encourage students to reach higher and expect more from themselves.  

Students who misbehave still want to succeed. Some students may have experiences that lead them to wonder if success is even possible for them. They may believe that the “system” is not working for them, and they may have good reason to doubt. Still, everyone wants to be successful, even if their definitions and hopes of success vary. We need to resist being misled by the behavior we see. How we see our students drives what we say and what we do in response to them. This can be a challenge, but we must refuse to give up. Our power resides in our refusal to assume that students cannot change. If we remain steadfast in our belief, we will see the results we anticipate. 

I am the person who will make the difference for my students. Each of us can probably think of a teacher, coach, or other adult who had an outsized influence in our lives. These are special people to us, but for the most part, they are just regular people who chose to take an interest, expect more, and push us in ways we might not have expected of ourselves. Yet, their influence can be lifelong. We should not believe this special experience is reserved for someone else. We can be that person for our students. We are the key to making change happen. 

My enthusiasm is contagious. Excitement, curiosity, and wonder are difficult emotions to resist. We might worry that students will think that our energy is lame, and they may not respond. However, if we are sincere, even students who initially may resist and scoff still can be “infected” with our positivity. We need not be hesitant, or even measured, in our enthusiasm. It can ignite learning energy and create momentum. Before long, we can shift from creating energy to managing and guiding it. One thing is certain, a lack of enthusiasm is not what we want students to catch.  

Admittedly, teaching can be frustrating, difficult, and draining. Yet, few other professions offer the opportunity to change lives in such a profound manner. We nurture skills, instill attitudes, build character, spark hope, and form what can be lifelong relationships. We have within our reach the power to free students to thrive.

Listening is easily taken for granted. After all, it feels as though we do it almost all the time. Yet, listening is one of the most underrated and underdeveloped skills among professionals—and just about everyone else. Listening is a crucial element in forming relationships, solving problems, making decisions, and performing many other work and life tasks.  

Listening is a near-constant element in our work with students, colleagues, parents, friends, and family. It is worth doing well. However, it is easy to compromise listening effectiveness and ignore key elements of listening that could lead to better communication, stronger relationships, and greater influence on others. Such mistakes can be costly. Here are six facets of deep listening worth heeding.  

Commit to hearing, not just listening. Hearing represents deeper engagement than just receiving and understanding words. Really hearing someone means seeking meaning, implications, and emotions in and behind what they say. We may think that when others are speaking, we are just receiving their message. However, we are likely confirming, rejecting, or leading the speaker to modify the message as we listen. Communication experts say that more than half of communication is transmitted through body language, not through what is spoken. Consequently, even though we may not be speaking, we are still communicating.  

Engage fully. Obviously, we need to put down our phone or anything else that might interrupt or distract us from what is being said. We may think that we are paying full attention, but if we are also doing something else, the message we communicate may be one of less-than-full attention and commitment to the conversation. Equally important, we need to drop our assumptions and set aside our emotions. Perceptions, predictions, and predispositions can color what we hear and how we interpret the message. Only by giving our full attention can we prevent mishearing, misinterpreting, and misfiring in our response. 

Listen to learn. One of the most difficult challenges associated with listening is to avoid forming a comment, defense, solution, or other response while the other person is still speaking. Doing these things risks missing key portions of the message or misinterpreting the intent of what is being said. When we commit to learning from what is said, we are likely to absorb information that will better inform and calibrate our response when it is time to provide one. Of course, if we need some time to formulate a response, we can employ a few seconds of silence and allow the message to settle.  

Repetition is a signal. It is not unusual for people to repeat themselves when reporting an experience, sharing a message, or recounting a conversation. Repetition can be an indication of something important. Sometimes repetition is intended to emphasize something emotional about the message. At other times, repetition is an indication that the speaker is not feeling heard or is feeling that we do not fully understand the implications of what is being said. When we notice repetition, it is worth noting and asking if the speaker wants to say more about that aspect of the message.  

Silence is powerful. Accomplished interviewers and skilled interrogators understand the power of silence. Silence, even for a few seconds, can have a powerful effect on conversations. Silence can be an invitation to continue speaking. It can imply and "give voice,” so to speak, for deep emotion. Silence can even communicate skepticism and doubt. Regardless, most people feel a powerful urge to fill gaps of silence. When we resist the urge to interrupt and are willing to sit quietly, we can often learn far more important information than if we choose to ask an immediate question or offer an immediate response. 

Confirm what is said. The best way to know if we have accurately heard and interpreted what was said is to confirm it with the speaker. Of course, as we confirm, we are also assuring the speaker that we have been listening. Confirmation can take multiple forms. We can confirm what we heard by repeating what was said (“I heard you say…”). We can also summarize what we heard to confirm our understanding of the full message (“In summary, it sounds as though…”). Or we can interpret what we hear to confirm themes and implications (“Would it be correct to interpret what you are saying as…”). 

Listening is one of the most powerful ways to communicate respect. We don’t always have to have answers or guidance to offer. Often, just being willing to listen can make a crucial difference. Practice these six strategies, and you may be amazed at the impact.