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The Power of Noticing, Appreciating, and Supporting Each Other

Every time of the year brings its challenges. This month is no exception. We can feel nostalgia with the change of seasons. Shorter hours of daylight can signal our bodies that we need more sleep. Our energy and enthusiasm may ebb. Meanwhile, we continue to struggle to address our students’ learning needs. We may be dealing with behavior issues that accompanied students back to in-person school. We may also be facing more adult conflicts and troubling interactions than we recall from the past. Yet, there are actions we can take to counter these feelings and lift the spirits of our colleagues and staff. During times like these, we need to hear that what we do matters, that others understand what we are experiencing, and they want to support us. We need to get beyond glib sayings and meaningless phrases if we hope to have our words be heard and accepted and have an impact. Our messages will matter most if they include three crucial dimensions:

Attention: People want to know that we notice what they face, what they are doing, and how what they are contributing matters, especially to us.
Understanding: They want to know that we grasp how difficult, frustrating, and exhausting some tasks, responsibilities, and situations are, even if there are limits to what we can do immediately to lift the burden or resolve the situation.
Support: When we genuinely offer our support - whether tangible, emotional, or symbolic – we can lighten the load, make the work more worthwhile, and leave people feeling appreciated.

So, what might be some messages we can share that will make a difference? Here are five examples to consider and build on as your own:

I know that you are working hard right now. Is there something I can do to help?
I noticed how you worked through a difficult and challenging situation. I appreciate and admire the flexibility and creativity you demonstrated.
I have an idea about how to address a challenge we face, but I would appreciate your insights and advice before a decision is made.

I have noticed how your team seems to be pulling together despite the situation you face. Thank you for collaborating and continuing to search for the best answers.
I appreciate the insight and commitment you demonstrate in response to the student behavior incidents we have faced recently. Thank you for the sensitivity and wisdom you have shown.

There is no question that many of the challenges we face are enormous, longstanding, and systemic. However, we all do better when we notice, understand, and support each other. In fact, we may be surprised by the impact we can have when we commit to face our challenges together, work together, and search for solutions that will make a better future.

Prevent Bullying: Three Things That Don’t Work and Three That Do

Behavior, In Your Corner, Thinking Frames

November 03, 2022

Prevent Bullying: Three Things That Don’t Work and Three That Do

Bullying has been a part of our culture for a very long time. In some cases, bullying has even been seen as a rite of passage, from rituals associated with hazing in fraternity and sorority societies and the gauntlet of joining an athletic team, to being a newly hired employee. Yet, the negative impact of bullying can be far reaching, especially for children and young people. Bullied students often underperform academically, suffer emotional distress, and can suffer from lack of self-confidence and depression for years. Meanwhile, children and young people who bully, too, can suffer from emotional issues, fail to develop important social skills, and can go on to engage in even more serious and destructive misbehaviors. Educators have been engaged in the prevention and elimination of bullying behavior for generations. However, recent studies that connect prolonged experiences with being bullied and violent actions against others, including school shootings, have brought new attention to the need to reduce, prevent, and deal with bullying behavior. Interestingly, some of the most popular programs and strategies to deal with bullying have little grounding in research and little impact on preventing and interrupting bullying behaviors. Here are three worth noting: First, several studies have documented reliance on zero tolerance policies and punishment of bullying behavior as largely ineffective in preventing bullying behaviors. In some cases, punishment can make bullying behavior less visible, but may do little to eliminate a culture of bullying. Second, peer mediation programs that place responsibility on students to work out bullying and related conflicts and behaviors have even shown to increase the number and severity of bullying behaviors. Bullying behaviors often rely on unequal power relationships; thus, victims can face an impossible challenge in trying to change the situation. Further, children and young people rarely have the maturity and skills to be successful in such a complex emotional situation. Third, programs and training to position bystanders to intervene work only if bystanders have higher social status, possess strong tendencies toward moral engagement, and are empathic extroverts. Most children and young people do not possess the courage, skills, and confidence to intervene effectively, especially when they anticipate that their engagement may shift the bullying to include them. So, what strategies can we use to decrease, prevent, and deal effectively with bullying behaviors? Here are three approaches to consider: First, we can focus our attention and efforts on ensuring that students feel they belong and are connected within the school and classrooms. When students experience stability and consistency in school and classes and feel they belong, they are less likely to disrupt and put their status in jeopardy. In addition, they tend to perform better academically. Second, we can pay attention to what researchers often call “entry” behaviors that signal and build into more serious and aggressive bullying behaviors. Like efforts to prevent serious crime, often dealing with smaller issues can prevent the need to respond to more serious bullying actions. Entry behaviors include:

Ignoring and excluding others.
Laughing cruelly and encouraging others to laugh at a target.

Eye rolling and prolonged staring.
Back turning.
Stalking and spying.
Giving disparaging nicknames.

Third, we can make social emotional learning elemental in building culture within the school and classroom, not just a component of the curriculum. Social emotional focused lessons and activities can be a start. But nurturing a caring, inclusive, emotionally safe environment can build a culture that makes mutual support and empathy integral to the learning experience of students. Rather than focusing on what we want to avoid, this approach builds counter attitudes, behaviors, and experiences to make bullying less attractive and acceptable within the culture. Of course, there may still be instances and situations in which bullying behaviors surface. Our best response is to address the situation early, to focus on teaching and coaching more socially acceptable behavior alternatives, and to keep the culture strong and positive.

Climate and Culture, In Your Corner, Teacher Learning

Five Reasons for Educators to Be Optimistic

October 28, 2022

In Your Corner, Student Learning, Thinking Frames

Make Your Instruction Memorable—Here’s How

October 28, 2022

Climate and Culture, In Your Corner

Time for a Mid-Course Discipline Check-Up

October 21, 2022

In Your Corner, Student Learning

The Friends Students Make Today May Determine Their Future

October 21, 2022

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Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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