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Words and Phrases That Can Limit Thinking or Unleash Creativity

Words matter. Yet, their influence on us is often so subtle that we don’t even realize how they may be guiding and limiting our thinking. Without our being conscious of or intentional, the words we choose and the patterns of speech we habitually use can be holding us back, even when we are trying to tap into our spontaneity and creativity. Equally important, if we are unaware of the power of words and their influence on our thought and behavior patterns, they can be inflicting harm and creating barriers to our becoming our best selves and doing our best work. Of course, there are times and situations in which we need to limit the scope of our thinking and focus on a narrow set of elements and options. However, even at these times it is important that we are aware of the choices we are making and how our words can help us to frame situations and experiences to help us accomplish our goals. The key is to be intentional about the actions we can take and frame the situation we face with words and phrases that will align our thinking with the outcomes we seek. Let’s explore some examples of when our words can influence our thinking and the actions we take. Consider the implications of asking “why” versus “why not.” When we ask “why,” we are seeking reasons, rationale, and arguments. When we ask “why not,” we are exploring possibilities, challenging barriers, and questioning common assumptions. Asking “why” assumes a position of inaction while asking “why not” assumes a position of action. John F. Kennedy famously presented this dichotomy in his inaugural speech, claiming the “why not” position for himself and his generation. The so called “greatest generation,” of which Kennedy was a member, leveraged the idea of “why not” to achieve unprecedented progress and success for our nation. Certainly, there are times when asking “why” is appropriate and necessary, but real creativity and smart risk-taking grows out of asking “why not?” Next, consider the power of focusing on “what could be” rather than “what should be.” When we give our attention to what we should be, or what we should do, we tap into set expectations, we pay attention to established processes and parameters, and we defer to judgements about what is appropriate. Conversely, when we ask “what could be,” we open the doors to a wide range of possibilities, we ignite our imagination, we activate our creativity, and we free ourselves to attempt what may never have been done before. When we are preoccupied with what should be, we are responding to what others think, acting out of fear of not measuring up, and limiting ourselves to what is conventional. There are times when we need to consider and respond to what should be in deference to the situation and how others may be affected. However, real growth, new ideas, creative breakthroughs, and life changing experiences come from asking “what could be?” Further, consider the difference between describing a situation as a problem versus seeing the situation as an opportunity. Problems exist to be solved and prevented from reoccurring. Opportunities, on the other hand, represent occasions for exploration, inventing, leveraging, and moving forward. Interestingly, the same set of circumstance might be described as either a problem or an opportunity. Yet, the words we choose to define the situation can have a dramatic impact on our thinking, the actions we take, and the outcomes that result from our efforts. These examples of the power of words and their relationship to our thinking represent crucial insights to how we choose to engage in and respond to our life experiences. In our professional lives, choosing to ask “why not,” exploring “what could be,” and interpreting challenges as opportunities will define the path our careers will take. Teaching and coaching our students to think “why not,” “what could be,” and focusing on opportunities can build lifelong skills and habits that will be transformational. Of course, each of these examples of word and thinking choices can also have important impacts on our personal lives and relationships. What choices will you make?

September 13, 2021

We Can Choose and Create Our Own New Normal

There is little argument that the pandemic has been disruptive to our lives. We have been challenged in ways that we might never have imagined. The changes came with little warning and little opportunity to prepare. And the pandemic has lasted longer than anyone seemed to imagine or predict. The result for most of us is that we have changed. We may not be aware of just how we have changed, but there is a feeling that we are different now. Traumatic experiences, especially when they extend over long periods, can have an impact on how we think, how we live, how we work, and with whom we engage. Yet, the fact that we have changed matters less than how we will be different. Fortunately, the ways in which we have changed and continue to change are not predetermined. Nor are they beyond our control. We can allow our post-pandemic lives to play out without making conscious choices and creating a new direction, or we can use the disruption to reimagine and reprioritize our lives from this time forward. If gaining control, determining our post pandemic life path, and creating our own new normal is what we want, there are at least five components to which we can give attention. First, we can open ourselves to new perspectives. We can explore how others view issues beyond what we assume. We can commit to listening, exploring, and seeking to understand. Committing to see life and the world through the eyes of others is a great step toward gaining new perspectives. We can also try new experiences. Changing routines, going new places, and meeting new people can create new understanding and insights, as long as we remain open and curious. Second, we can develop a new sense of purpose. With new perspectives come new questions, new options, and new ways to approach life. We may discover that new priorities emerge for how we want to live. We may see opportunities to serve and make a difference that previously escaped us. We may also find that we rediscover a sense of purpose that had waned in our pre-pandemic lives. A new sense of direction, renewed commitment, and clarity about what is important to us can energize our lives, lift our attitudes, and create a new sense of hope. Third, we can develop new habits. To sustain new perspectives and live with a renewed sense of purpose, we may need to shift old habits and create new ones. Habits are intentions in action. Unless we change the ways in which we choose to live each day, we will soon find ourselves back into routines that are more consistent with the “old normal” than the new normal we are working to create. Our new habits may help us to be healthier, engage in life more fully, or improve the lives of others. Regardless, unless our habits and routines reflect the commitment we have made to change, little progress can be expected. Fourth, we can engage in new learning. New perspectives and new purpose almost always lead to the need for new learning. As we begin to discover elements and aspects of life we have ignored or have been unaware of in the past, we will inevitably find that there is more to know, understand, and appreciate. Our learning may be formal and structured, or it may be more organic and opportunistic. The choice is ours. What is most important is that we open ourselves to continuing to grow and discover. Fifth, we can form new relationships. Often our journey to discover new ways of seeing life and our world brings us into contact with people who may be on the same journey and can help us to discover what we need to continue our journey. Similarly, when we discover new purpose in life, we are likely to encounter others who share our purpose and can help us to live more fully. These relationships can energize our personal new normal and bring a fresh dimension to life. We just need to stay alert for opportunities and be willing to reach out when new relationships are possible. Disruption is usually uncomfortable and disorienting. However, disruption also creates opportunities for change, innovation, and discovery. The pandemic is no exception. The question is, what we will choose to do now?

May 03, 2021

Now Is the Time to Discover Opportunities

The complexity and unpredictability of our lives today might have seemed unimaginable as recently as a year ago. Yet, the circumstances we face do not have to control or define us. We do not have to minimize or ignore the reality we face to find new opportunities, discover new insights, and build new skills and capabilities. At first, such a statement may feel disconnected to reality. Still, it taps an important truth. Despite the challenges we face, we still have choices regarding how we interpret our experiences, decide how we will respond, and what we will learn from the experience. We can default to disappointment, defeatism, and self-pity, or we can resist knee-jerk reactions and commit to finding opportunities, developing new strategies, and strengthening our resilience. The choice is ours. We only forfeit our ability to choose when we give in and accept our circumstances as unalterable reality. We can choose to see potential and possibilities or succumb to disappointment and despair. We can do better than “making do” or getting by. We can commit to creating energy and momentum, focus, and purpose for ourselves. We can ask ourselves, “How can I take this experience or challenge and use it to learn, improve, adapt, imagine, or create?” “How can I make this into something positive and productive?” Consider some common scenarios and how adopting an attitude of opportunity might make a difference:

Rather than bemoaning that I cannot control the behavior of students remotely, how can I develop relationships and influence that make dependence on compliance, threats, and consequences less necessary?
Rather than complaining about how students are overly dependent on my instructions and direction, how might I nurture in them the skills and habits necessary to become more independent learners?
Rather than pressing to cover academic content at a pace that students cannot manage, how might I focus on depth of understanding and building skills that give students the ability to catch up on less crucial content later?
Rather than struggling to find ways to entertain and engage students, how can I tap their internal drive, interests, curiosity, and values to build learning momentum instead of being completely dependent on my energy and drive?
Rather than struggling to conjure and present artificial learning challenges and experiences, how can I tap natural and authentic opportunities to stimulate learning and build understanding in the lives, homes, and surroundings of students?
Rather than setting goals and building paths for the learning of my students, how might I enlist their ideas and position them to participate in setting learning goals? Might it be easier and more productive to enlist their input and commitment rather than trying to drive momentum on their behalf?

Obviously, these are only some of the options and opportunities we can identify and leverage to broaden our skills and build learning success. We can choose to grow and adjust despite the circumstances that have intruded on our routines, disrupted our plans, and challenged long-standing practices. It is up to us.

February 08, 2021

Four Secrets to Making Stress Work for You

We typically view stress as a negative feeling, but not all stress is bad. Nor is all stress equal. In fact, stress is often a driver of success and can motivate us to achieve important outcomes. Researchers often divide the stresses we experience into two categories: distress and eustress. Distress is typically experienced as negative. It can make us anxious, worried, and concerned. Examples of distress might include fear related to future events, feelings of separation and isolation, and circumstances and expectations that feel beyond our control. Eustress, on the other hand, is more likely to lead us to feel excited, motivated, and focused. Examples might include new and significant life and work challenges, taking on new responsibilities, and learning new skills. While we might assume it is the life experience, event, or force that will determine whether we feel positive or negative stress, the nature and power of the stress we feel is more likely to be determined by our perception of and reaction to what confronts us. The same event or experience can create distress for some people and eustress for others. This fact is important because it implies that we have the potential to control and redirect our attention and energy to reduce feelings of negative stress and increase the presence and intensity of positive stress. Exercising our ability to shift the nature of the stress we feel is important in that persistent distress can:

sap our energy and increase fatigue,
rob us of sleep,
threaten our physical health,
undermine our emotional and psychological health, and
lead to conflicts and challenges in our relationships.

So, how can we convert distress into eustress? We can start by finding an element or aspect of the stressor over which we can claim control. We might focus on our preparation for an upcoming event. We can find a creative or innovative way to approach the challenge. Or, we might enlist the assistance and coaching of a trusted advocate to help us navigate the situation. The key is to identify and claim control in ways that shift our focus and experience from powerless to powerful. Second, we can identify and focus on short term goals and actions that break down experiences and situations that feel overwhelming and thus create negative stress. Charting a course toward success, even if in the short term, can build confidence and create momentum. Equally important, even small success and moderate progress can reveal opportunities and create new options that would not have been obvious before. Third, we can explore and analyze the situation or challenge we face to better understand what it represents and how we might respond. We can use what we discover to create a list of potential options for our response and action. When the list is complete, we can choose the option or options with the greatest potential for success. Having chosen a path in which we have confidence can go a long way to reducing anxiety and increasing our positive stress. Fourth, we can claim our ability to choose. Regardless of the circumstances we face, we always have a choice. We can focus on negative and uncertain aspects of a situation or resolve to find positive elements and opportunities to which we can give our attention and energy. A fact of life is that we tend to find what we look for. The more we expect positive experiences and outcomes, the more likely we are to find them. We can choose our attitude. We decide what to expect. We determine where to focus our attention. Often, these choices make the difference between whether we are discouraged and feel distress or are optimistic and experience the energy of eustress.

January 25, 2021

Five Ways to Regain Control in Life–Even Now

We want to feel as though we are in control, or at least that we can exercise some level of influence over what happens in our lives. Of course, there are always limits to our ability to control the events and circumstances we face. Yet, decades of research show that we are happier, healthier, and more productive when we feel as though we have some control over what is happening to us. Unfortunately, over the past months we have endured the pandemic, teaching and learning disruptions, a stressed economy, political turbulence, and other forces that have left us feeling bewildered. So much of what we have experienced feels beyond our personal control. It has confined us, disrupted our routines, separated us from loved ones, and created uncertainty in our lives and futures. In short, it has left us feeling more stressed and less in control. Yet, as difficult as the past year has been, it pales in comparison to what some people in the past have had to endure. Consider Nelson Mandela, who endured years in a South African prison. Still, he emerged from prison to lead a national movement and eventually become president of the same country that imprisoned him. Viktor Frankl spent years enduring horrible conditions in a German concentration camp. He not only survived, he used the experience to inform his philosophy and writing about the importance of purpose and hope. Frankl became a powerful international voice that influenced thinking on resilience and life success. During times when they outwardly appeared to be at the mercy of others, Mandela and Frankl maintained a sense of control in their lives that readied them for what came next. Despite their experiences and circumstances, both men claimed their personal purpose and had significant positive impacts on the world. What can we learn from the experiences of these two people and others like them? We all have the ability to exercise some level of control, regardless of our circumstances. The question is: How can we claim our strength and use it during times like these? Here are five powerful and controllable strategies you can employ right now. Perspective Where we choose to focus our attention and energy matters. We can focus on what we can control rather than being preoccupied by circumstances we cannot. Remarkably, the same set of circumstances can feature both elements beyond our reach and elements over which we can exercise control. We can fret over what we cannot control, or claim control where it is available. The perspective we choose can make a significant difference, even within the same set of limits and opportunities. For example, we might focus energy on organizing our space rather than mourning having to work from home. We can schedule our day rather than allowing the day to aimlessly unfold. Purpose When we set goals, embrace our aspirations, and focus on what is important to us, we gain a sense of control. When our purpose extends to serving, helping, or supporting others or a cause greater than ourselves, our feelings of control and sense of purpose become even more powerful. Clarify and act on what has meaning and purpose for you and a feeling of control will follow. Patience Having patience can be a challenge in uncertain circumstances. Yet, patience can help us to remain engaged even when progress does not come as quickly as we would like. Setting deadlines for the end of negative circumstances over which you have no control can work against feelings of power and hope. Focusing on an outcome without setting rigid timelines usually is a better strategy. General Stockdale, a Vietnam prisoner of war, recounts that captives who focused on surviving until they were freed, regardless of when it might happen, were more likely to survive than prisoners who set deadlines for when they believed they would be freed, only to have the dates come and go without release. Proactivity Choosing to do what you can, even when you cannot control every aspect of a task or challenge can be empowering. Waiting to react often reduces available options. Being proactive even in difficult circumstances can increase confidence and help us to prepare for what lies ahead. Meanwhile, avoidance of difficult or uncomfortable actions can undermine our confidence and increase stress. Find something you can do now and act. Create some momentum for what lies ahead. Persistence Times of difficulty and challenge can tempt us to give up and abandon our hopes and goals. We can make excuses that the time was not right or the stretch was too great. Yet, the greatest opportunities often surface when we choose to act and refuse to give up on what is important to us. Disruption is often a path to opportunity, but only if we are willing to persist until we find the answers we need. We cannot always control what happens to us or limits our ability to determine what happens around us, but we can always control how we respond. We can feel helpless and out of control, or we can choose where to focus, how to think, and what to do to reclaim control in our lives.

January 18, 2021

Discerning Fact From Fiction

Increasingly, we find ourselves in discussions where the people conversing don’t believe they need evidence to back up their statements—or they use one example of evidence to try to make a blanket case for all situations. In other instances, when there is solid evidence that counters their point of view, some people simply choose not to accept the evidence or they claim to mistrust the information altogether. It is baffling and concerning for everyone involved. After all, if there is no truth, what do we have? Mathematicians, those in the legal profession, scientists, and historians have been using their own standards for defining truth for centuries. And there is much we can learn from these disciplines ourselves, and teach our students, about how to discern truth from fiction and how to use critical thinking rather than mere emotion to frame our thinking. Mathematicians start from a base of assumptions that are universally believed to be true. For instance, 1+1=2 and no one disputes this absolute truth. There is nothing fuzzy about this conclusion. According to award-winning and longtime math educator John Benson, “The only way one can doubt a theorem is to find fault with its proof.” The field of law has a much less exact basis for arriving at the truth, but still has merit for our own search for the truth. Legal professionals and scholars use preponderance of the evidence, clear and convincing evidence, and guilt beyond a reasonable doubt as their measures. The concept of evidence is critical in a court of law. Without it, there is no case. There are only accusers and the accused. In addition to evidence, lawyers and judges use the decisions made in prior cases to build a new case for a new circumstance. In other words, they use the wisdom of others who have wrestled with the truth in a similar situation to come to the best conclusion. In the field of science, observations and data provide the evidence from which conclusions can be drawn. If there is no data, there is no science. Historians, too, accumulate data—but in a different way. To them, it’s not only important what happened in history, but also who gathered and reported the information and why. As an example, Native Americans would tell the story of the settling of America differently than the European settlers who ultimately prevailed. Many of the facts might intersect, but the stories behind those facts and the emotions about those stories would differ vastly. So, what conclusion can we draw from these disciplines to sharpen our own thinking about what is true? Here are some questions we can ask ourselves and our students to keep both on track, and avoid engaging in sloppy thinking:

What is the evidence that something is true?
Is there a preponderance of evidence and is it clear and convincing?
What data can you bring forth to substantiate your claims?
Who supplied the data and is it from a credible, unbiased source?
Is there anything that would cast doubt on the data, and if so, is there enough doubt to claim something held to be true is not true?
What wisdom from experts who have grappled with similar issues can you bring to bear on the current issue you are arguing?
Do you have an emotional bias that might keep you from exploring the truth beyond a reasonable doubt?

As educators we have a responsibility to ourselves, our students, and our society to teach critical thinking skills. Certainly, the world our students are living in today and will be living in tomorrow commands it of them. As our world becomes even more complex and information even more accessible, being able to discern fact from fiction will become a necessary survival skill. Let’s make certain they have the know-how and the practice to do so. Research: Herrmann, Z. (2017, May 10). Finding what’s true: A cross-disciplinary search for truth—and the critical thinking skills students need in order to assess it. Harvard Graduate School of Education. https://www.gse.harvard.edu/uk/blog/finding-whats-true

January 04, 2021

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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Six “Prescriptions” for Maintaining Your Emotional Health – Even Now

One of the most challenging aspects of surviving the pandemic has been to protect our mental health and feelings of well-being. We may be separated from family and unable to be with loved ones regularly. We may be working from home and unable to see and engage with colleagues and coworkers in person. Many activities we took for granted prior to the pandemic may now seem too risky. Further, even with the prospect that vaccines will be available at some point, it will still be some time before they become available to us all. All of these factors can combine to tax our emotional reserves and leave us feeling empty and deflated. This condition is often experienced in symptoms such as frequent periods of tiredness, feelings of separation or loneliness, and episodes of frustration and disappointment. The symptoms may be mild or more intense, but they can be signs that our emotional reserves need to be replenished. Of course, when the pandemic is over and the danger of the virus has passed, some of the causes will disappear. However, the need to remain attentive to the state of our emotional well-being will remain important. Fortunately, there are a number of actions we can take to ensure our emotional reserves remain at a comfortable level whether we are facing unusual challenges or just wanting to feel connected and emotionally healthy. We might think of these as “prescriptions” we can follow to maintain a healthy emotional state. Follow these suggestions and you will be amazed at how well your emotions respond.

At least once this week and every week after, do something for someone without being asked or expected. Even better, do something the person can’t do or would have difficulty doing themselves. Focus on how good you are feeling afterward, not on whether you have been thanked. Repeat weekly as needed.
Spend at least a half-hour of quality time with someone close to you. Family members, close friends, and neighbors are good options. Just be sure to be fully present and engaged. The time of day when you engage in this activity is less important than its regularity. Repeat daily, if possible.
Each day for the next week, identify at least one important aspect of your life for which you are grateful. Take time to reflect on its importance and how your life would be without it. By the end of the week, you will have the beginning of a habit. Continue regularly for best results.
Set aside time on at least three days this week to take a walk or drive to an area that you enjoy and gives you peace. It matters less that you experience the same place or explore new areas than whether you focus on and appreciate the experience. Repeat this activity regularly for best results.
Initiate a connection with at least one new person or neglected acquaintance this week. The connection may be virtual or in person. At first, this activity may require some discipline to engage with more people around you. Just be alert to possibilities. Give preference to people you find interesting and pleasant to engage. Repeating weekly will ensure a large and interesting group of people with whom you enjoy connecting.
At least once this week take some time to formulate a plan to do something you will look forward to. It might be something you can do during the pandemic, or an activity or trip in which you might engage once COVID is behind us. Next week, add details to or expand the plan, or you might begin construction of another plan. Before you know it, you will have more to look forward to than you can yet imagine.

It may seem as though doing all of these prescriptions would result in overload. Still, the more you follow these prescriptions, the better you will feel. In reality, you will likely find that they are more fulfilling than they will be overloading and finding time will be less of a challenge than you think. On the other hand, engaging in all of these activities will leave less time to feel lonely, discouraged, and frustrated.

December 28, 2020

Where Can We Find Peace?

This is a time of year when we often hear the word “peace.” Some think of peace as a symbol of the holiday season. For many of us, peace is a word used to express our hope for the future. Peace is an idea with multiple meanings. Yet, across our nation and around the world, it is the hope driving much of what we search for in life. For those who are experiencing conflict, even war, peace might symbolize a world without violence and a commitment to settle differences and build understanding without resorting to destructive conflict. Peace might represent a nation that has rediscovered what binds us together and the important interests we share. Peace also can be found in a family without constant conflict, where relationships are stronger than self-interests and winning. Peace might represent life balance in which physical, emotional, and spiritual elements are in harmony. Peace might also come through the realization that we are nurturing important skills and a love of learning among our students that will open the doors to a successful and satisfying future. Of course, peace in any of these contexts is not easy to achieve, but it is more than worth the effort. At times, finding peace means making a greater commitment and searching more intensely. At other times, finding peace means letting go and accepting life as we experience it. Others rarely can tell us what we must do and what choices we should make. The answer to where and how to find peace lies within each of us. We must look inward to discover what we need. We can start by reflecting on what we value and what really matters to us. If we are to commit and persist to find peace, we need to know what we are searching for and why it is worth the pursuit. This step may sound as though it should be easy, but life has a way of interrupting and distracting us from discovering this important truth. Quiet reflection, self-honesty, and inward exploration can be useful strategies to help us. We can also think about who we value and what they mean to us. In the heat of conflict, we can forget that to achieve our most important goals we usually need others to guide, support, and even challenge us. Who are those people in your life? Do they know how much you value them? Peace is especially fulfilling when it is shared. As we think about the world beyond us we may despair, thinking that we are only one person. How can we hope to bring peace? What difference can we make? The truth is that real, lasting peace will be built by people like us who care enough to try, are committed enough to work toward it, and humble enough to share the work and credit with others. Big dreams are not necessarily more costly than small ones, but they can make a much greater difference. In this holiday season, may you find peace. Cherish it, share it, and build on it.

December 21, 2020

Seven Ways to Make Our Lives Joy-Filled—Now

A friend commented to me recently that “It seems as though the pandemic has taken the joy out of life.” It is true that we have faced more than our share of disappointments, stresses, and uncertainties over the past year. Yet, I was left to wonder whether the statement is true. Has the pandemic robbed us of joy or is there a better way to think about the situation that would give us more power and control? Can we find joy despite the pandemic? Might the experience of the pandemic even give us reasons to seek joy? Where might we look to discover joy despite our circumstances? With some research and time spent reflecting, a few things became clear to me. Joy is not something that originates externally. Joy comes from within. It is not driven by what happens to or around us. Joy grows out of decisions and commitments we make and priorities we set and pursue. In fact, our commitment to find and experience joy is part of what can make joy a more likely experience for us. Joy can be defined as a long-term state of peace and contentment. It can be experienced in the moment as delight, but true joy is created, nurtured, and experienced over time. Consequently, our search for joy needs to grow out of pursuits that provide more than temporary ecstasy or momentary happiness. Here are seven actions we can take to increase the joy we experience each day, week, and year, even amid a pandemic and other difficult conditions. First, we can choose to find and experience joy. The pandemic will end – soon we hope – but the end of the pandemic offers no guarantee of joy. We may experience relief, but joy is much more than removal of a burden or stress. In fact, waiting until joy finds us may mean we never experience it. Conversely, like many things in life we are most likely to find what we look for. As a second step, we can seek authenticity in our experiences. We can treasure time spent with family. We can find ways to serve and improve the lives of others. We can learn a new skill that gives us pleasure and satisfaction. Meaningful experiences ground us. They help us to appreciate life even when everything is not perfect. But we need to pay attention. Meaningful times can pass us by if we fail to reflect on and savor them. Third, we can live in the moment. Letting go of regrets from the past and choosing not to worry about aspects of the future we cannot control can free us to focus on what we are experiencing now that can bring joy and satisfaction. We can allow the burden of past missteps and mistakes to hold us back or we can let them go and focus on how we can be our best selves today. We can choose to worry about the future, but what we do today is more likely to determine our future than what we cannot know or control in the days ahead. Fourth, we can set worthy, meaningful goals that will stretch us beyond our comfort zone and lead us to take some risks, learn something new, and become more capable. Working toward important goals can give us a sense of control, invite us to measure progress, and offer a reason to celebrate our accomplishments. Achievement of meaningful goals can also lead us to reflect on our efforts with pride and experience joy. Fifth, we can nurture a sense of gratitude. The more we focus on what we have to be grateful for, the more we see the positive side of life. Gratitude shifts our focus from what we may not have to an appreciation for what life and those around us have given us. The more we practice gratitude the more we see reasons to be thankful and experience joy. Gratitude can improve our attitudes and enrich our lives. In the words of David Steindl-Rast: “It is not joy that makes us grateful. It is gratefulness that makes us joyful.” Sixth, we can spend our time with positive people. We can treasure those in our family and our friends who bring a positive attitude and spirit to life. We can also seek out new friends and acquaintances who lift our perspective on life and make us better. Research and experience show that our attitudes and perspectives tend to reflect those of people with whom we choose to spend time. We need to choose people who bring us joy. Seventh, we can find reasons to laugh. Laughter is contagious. It is difficult to be somber and negative when we are laughing. We can read, watch movies, listen to stories, or engage in other activities that stimulate healthy laughter. When we laugh, our brains release endorphins that make us feel better and more joyful. Laughter also offers the additional benefits of stress release and has even been shown to improve our immune systems. The bottom line is that we all can experience joy, if we choose to seek it. The pandemic has been a difficult challenge, but it does not have to rob us of joy. We can choose to make this time joyful. It is within our power.

December 15, 2020

Embrace the Power of Acceptance

Some things in life are difficult to understand. People who have family members with severe health problems or disabilities often say that their lives are enriched and their family member is a blessing. Internationally renowned scientist, theorist, and author Stephen Hawking suffered from a debilitating neurological disease that confined him to a wheelchair and forced him to speak using a computerized voice. Yet, many consider him the greatest scientist of our time. We also hear of people who have confronted other challenges and life setbacks and have gone on to build successful careers, live fulfilling lives, and find peace with what they have experienced. In a more temporal context, this has been a challenging, stressful, and disorienting year. At times it is even difficult to clearly recall what life was like at the beginning of 2020 since so much has happened in the interim. We are living through a worldwide pandemic. The political landscape has been unusually divisive. And for a large portion of the population, economic survival has been a challenge. The list could go on. For many of us, the statement “I just want my life back.” might sound familiar. Certainly, the life we have experienced in the past year and continue to experience may not be what we would have chosen. We also do not know what the future holds and how long the current situation will last. The key question is: How should we respond? Mental health professionals point to a single action that can make a dramatic difference in our attitude and lives. It is also the secret Stephen Hawking knew and is shared by individuals and families who have lived through and with hardships. That secret is acceptance. The English Oxford Dictionary defines acceptance as a willingness to tolerate a difficult situation. We may not be able to change our circumstances, but we do not have to allow them to control or change us. Acceptance gives us the power to make choices about our path forward. The element of choice and what we do with it can be crucial to our mental health. If we allow ourselves to become resentful, disengaged, disconnected, and directionless, our situation can negatively affect our mental state and even our physical health. If we choose to accept the reality of what we face, we can free ourselves from preoccupation, disconnect from its power over us, and choose to move forward despite its presence. We can cling to behaviors, routines, and perceptions that used to work, but no longer fit our circumstances. We can resent the ways in which we now have to engage in social behavior to avoid significant health risks. We can despair with daily schedules that often must flex in response to circumstances that determine whether we are instructing students in-person or remotely. Or, we can choose another path. We can let go of “what used to be” and deal with what is. Acceptance can be a strategic response that opens options and positions us to move forward productively. We did not cause the pandemic, trigger political turmoil, or create current economic conditions. They do not have to determine who we are and what we do. Rather than allow life’s disruptions to exhaust and depress us, we can choose to find meaning, purpose, and productivity in them. Obviously, each of us has experiences unique to us and what we choose may vary. Nevertheless, there are some places and touch points where we can begin:

Take some time to inventory and become clear about areas of your life where you are struggling most. Understanding the source and focus of your frustration and disappointment may offer insights into changes you might make and actions you can take.
Commit to take control. Once you understand that your circumstances do not have to confine you, you can choose what to do.
Identify changes you might make despite the circumstances you face. Might learning a new skill, pursuing a new interest, developing a new hobby, and reconnecting with friends be places to start?
Clarify initial steps in the direction you have chosen. Schedule a time to get started. Collect the resources you will need. Invite others who might take the journey with you.
Give yourself permission to “let go” of feelings and thoughts that may hold you back or paralyze you from taking action.

Each of us will have our own path, but we all can start by experiencing the value and freeing power of acceptance.

December 07, 2020

The Master Teacher Blog