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Watch Timing When Sending Home Negative News

Schools across the country are reporting lower grades and increasing course failures over the past several months. Of course, there are many reasons for the achievement slide, and it is reason for concern. In the coming months, a major focus will be on how to fill learning gaps and accelerate progress to help students get back on track. However, as I read the reports, I was reminded of a research study recently published in JAMA, the Journal of the American Medical Association. The study drew a concerning connection between the timing of negative news, such as disappointing report card contents, and increases in child abuse. The study compared reported incidents of child abuse to state child welfare agencies to the days of the week when report cards are sent home. Examination of almost 2,000 cases indicated that on Saturdays following Friday distribution of report cards, reports of child abuse jumped fourfold compared to reported incidents following the release of report cards on other days of the week. Predictably, several factors might contribute to this sad connection. Weekends typically provide more time for adults to notice and react to information provided on report cards. Adults in children’s lives who may already be feeling anger and stress can choose to take out their frustrations on children whose report cards carry negative information. Parents who see education as crucial to a better life, but without a broad range of skills and strategies to respond, may resort to punishment to motivate greater commitment to learning and school success. The study was conducted prior to the pandemic, so it is difficult to predict whether conditions have changed significantly. Yet, we know that the pandemic has increased stress levels for just about everyone. For people who are already facing challenging circumstances and do not handle stress well, the situation may be even more volatile. We also know that far too many students have already been traumatized by life. They have seen and experienced what no child should have to endure. They may live in families that struggle to find resources to live. They may be in uncertain and unpredictable environments where conflict and violence are too frequently present. Or they may be in a household where mental and psychological issues are ongoing concerns. On its face, the study might lead schools to a simple solution: Send report cards home on days of the week other than Friday. However, the findings of the study hint at a broader set of implications and cautions for school personnel, especially in light of the challenges and stress brought on by the pandemic. We need to do all that we can to help parents and caregivers develop and utilize a broad set of strategies to discipline and motivate the children for whom they have responsibility. Physical punishment remains a preferred means of discipline, especially for young children. According to the JAMA study, between 75% and 95% of parents report using physical or corporal punishment for children between the ages of two and eight. Studies also show that physical punishment that escalates to physical abuse is associated with poor academic achievement and emotional and behavior problems, the very behaviors the punishment is intended to eliminate. We must also give careful attention to the consequences of other communication with parents and caregivers that contains negative information about the behavior of children. If poor grades on a report card can stimulate abuse, it is reasonable to assume that similar information conveyed through other means may lead to similar consequences. This is not to say that we should keep any information that is not positive away from parents. Rather, we need to be thoughtful and sensitive about the timing, means, and framing of what we share. When we take the time to share the full picture surrounding negative information and provide suggestions for actions to correct the situation, we can lessen the intensity of emotional response and create a positive path forward. We also need to be alert to situations where negative information is likely to lead to physical abuse. For example, when students show unusually intense fear about how an adult will react to information we plan to share, it may be an indication that the consequences will be extreme. We may need to share the information verbally or in person to gauge the reaction and provide coaching about appropriate responses and corrective action. Of course, we need to remain alert and report incidents of abuse we suspect. Far too many children live in environments that leave them vulnerable and traumatized. We may not be able to prevent the negative forces in their lives or intervene in ways that fully counter their vulnerability. However, we can remain alert to dangers they face and do all that we can to avoid contributing to their troubles. Resource: Bright, M. A., Lynne, S. D., Masyn, K. E., Waldman, M. R., Graber, J., & Alexander, R. (2018). Association of Friday school report card release with Saturday incidence rates of agency-verified physical child abuse. JAMA Pediatrics, 173(2), pp. 176-182. https://doi.org/10.1001/jamapediatrics.2018.4346

March 15, 2021

A Powerful Antidote to Emotional Hurt and Ruptured Relationships

It has been a year since the pandemic descended on us, upending our lives in so many ways. We also just finished an often disheartening and conflict-filled political season. For many of us this has been a year with emotional bruises, feelings of isolation and emotional abandonment, and ruptured relationships.

Healing the wounds we have experienced and repairing our ruptured relationships will not be a small challenge. They will not heal themselves solely by the passage of time. Ignoring them risks creating scars that will remain forever.

Of course, none of us intended to hurt, ignore, or abandon those around us. Yet, the circumstances we faced, the choices we were forced to make, and the attention we were not always able to give still may have caused damage.

In some circumstances, we know where these bruises and wounds are and who may be experiencing them. We might be among those feeling bruised and wounded. In still other situations, we may be unaware of the hurt and alienation others are feeling.

The crucial question is where to start and what to do to repair the hurt. How can we begin the process of understanding, repairing, and healing?

Fortunately, there is a powerful antidote available to us that does not require special training, additional expense, or permission to employ. The antidote can be found in unconditional and unstrained demonstrations of respect. Let’s explore how we can offer and demonstrate respect that can lead to healing and repair of relationships.

We can start by committing to an attitude and perspective that those around us deserve our respect. We need to trust and assume the positive intentions of others. We also need to take the first step. We cannot afford to wait for others to offer and demonstrate respect to us, even when we believe that most of the fault lies with the other person. If we wait, it may never happen. The respect we project can crack open doors that we thought would always stay shut.

We need to be open and ready to listen. We may hear words that are uncomfortable. We may even disagree, but we need to commit to understanding, not framing a counter narrative or defensive response. Actively listening can lead to important insights and reveal information and perspectives that we would not have known or considered. We can restate, rephrase, and summarize to signal that we hear what the other person is saying. Listening is among the most powerful demonstrations of respect available to us.

We need to empathize. We do not have to agree. Rather we need to seek to understand and appreciate the other person’s perspective, not insert our own. We might apologize if our actions have caused the hurt we are hearing. Or we may simply accept what we are hearing. What is important is to understand as deeply as we are capable.

We may ask questions, but they need to be directed at clarifying, expanding, and exploring rather than accusing, dismissing, or discounting the message. This is not a time to counter or convince through manipulating questions.

When we speak, we need to speak for ourselves. We must avoid making assumptions or assigning motivation to the words and actions of others. “I” statements about how we feel, what we understand, and what we need can keep us from further complicating, confusing, and escalating the situation.

In the end, we may need to agree to disagree, but we do not have to be disagreeable. We do not have to achieve full agreement or absolute consensus on every element and detail of the situation. However, we do need to commit to move forward and continue to connect and communicate. Equally important, if we make a commitment we must be certain to follow through. Failing to be dependable and accountable risks making the situation worse than when we began the process.

It is not always easy to give respect. At times we may need to focus our respect on the person, even when we do not approve of their opinions or behavior. We do not have to become close friends but working together productively and maintaining relationships almost always requires the presence of respect.

March 01, 2021

Building Trust and Transparency in Uncertain Times

Whenever there is a gap between the occurrence of a problem or incident in your organization and when the facts are verified and disclosed publicly, along with information about what is being done about it, bad things can happen. This truth is especially important to keep in mind as we bring students back to in-person classrooms. In today’s environment, social media makes the situation even more challenging. Rumors spread with lightning speed, especially when people are working remotely and may be feeling isolated. There is a leadership law that speaks specifically to this issue. It’s called The Law of Real Truth and Time and it states: In problem situations, during the process of discovering and sorting out the real truth regarding attitudes, opinions, and beliefs of those being led, the passage of time can magnify the problem. Every leader must be cognizant of the fact that people form opinions during a time lag. Worse, people get personally committed by word and deed to courses of belief, worry, and action during these delays. Because there is often no leadership communication or action until all the facts are known, this reality is intensified. Unfortunately, once an individual or even an entire group gets committed to certain beliefs about a situation, changing their attitude may be difficult. In truth, student, staff, parent, and community attitudes formed during the time lag are often arrived at without all the information and may be formed about situations not fully understood. Often, people can’t find a way out of the attitudes, beliefs, and opinions they expressed to others during this time. They then hold to their opinions later, even if they no longer feel that way. In addition, many varied individual commitments about an issue can develop during the time lag, and a leader may be forced to deal with several problems rather than just one. That’s why to build trust and transparency, leaders must have a communication plan that encompass the following four concepts: timelines, frequency, facts delivered by credible sources, and priming about what to expect next. Timing: In order to avoid negative attitudes and beliefs from forming, we must keep the time between problem identification and our first communication to those we lead as short as possible. Rumors and misinformation spread quickly, especially through social media platforms. Therefore, even if we are not yet in command of all the facts, it’s essential that we communicate what we do know as quickly as possible. Frequency: During an ongoing problem it’s equally vital that we communicate to those we lead frequently. One and done communication during a problem simply won’t cut it for many reasons. First, not everyone we need to influence will receive our communication initially. Second, not everyone who receives it will be in a position to fully listen and understand it. Third, problems are usually dynamic and those we lead will need continuous updates about our progress as well as additional facts as we receive them. Fourth, without a continuous flow of information, negative attitudes and beliefs always emerge. This is also why we must be prepared with an email and social media plan to counter rumors that spread when problems occur. And we must update our websites with the most current information. Facts delivered by credible sources: We must supply those we lead with all the facts that are known about a problem situation. And these facts are best delivered and best received when they come from those who are knowledgeable and have credibility in the area in which the problem resides. Priming: The best leaders prime those they lead by telling them what the next steps will be and when they can expect their next update. This relieves fear and anxiety on the part of those being led. And it creates trust that the leader has a plan and is on top of the situation. Problems do not go away—even if they are unmentioned or people seem to have forgotten them—unless they are resolved. Rather, problems have a way of intensifying. Also, the cumulative effect of such situations, even if the problems are small, can result in a complete breakdown in the acceptance of leadership. That’s why a leader can never delay gathering and sharing truth about a problem. When we delay, omit frequent communications, fail to deliver the facts, and forget to let people know what to expect next, we are likely to end up dealing with several problems rather than one.

February 22, 2021

Five Communication Considerations in a Virtual World

Communication is difficult and susceptible to misinterpretation and confusion even under the best face-to-face conditions. Even when we are physically present to see the faces and body language of our audience and can quickly read cues that reflect uncertainty and lack of understanding, we still often struggle to clearly and fully communicate our message and meaning. While we can adjust quickly and backtrack to clarify our message and meaning in response to the cues we observe, we still can miss fleeting looks and expressions that tell us when our communication is falling short. When we move to virtual environments, the challenges we face grow as we do not have access to many of the subtle, nonverbal messages and nuanced physical cues that can alert us to communication disconnects and confusion. Still, there are steps we can take and strategies we can employ to buttress our messages and clarify our communication. Here are five considerations to navigate communication traps and challenges in a virtual world. First, be open and clear about the purpose and goals of your communication. The more specific and explicit you are about the message you want to communicate, the greater the likelihood that your audience will grasp your intent and respond in alignment with your intentions. Start by deciding what you want to achieve or what action you hope to stimulate. Build your message on this foundation. If you are not clear, you cannot expect your audience to understand or interpret what you say in a way that is consistent with your intentions. In a virtual world, leaving gaps for others to fill in or wandering around the core of your message is an invitation for confusion and frustration. Second, don’t ignore the importance of listening. Real listening must come before real communication. If we don’t know the context within which others will hear our message, especially when they are not in our physical presence, we are speaking or writing in the dark. When practical, explore the perspectives and concerns of your audience before attempting to communicate. This step may require a brief conversation, recalling what you know about the experience and perspectives of the audience, or imagining how the message might be received and reflecting on the questions the audience may have. Resist making assumptions or guessing. Either choice is an invitation for miscommunication. In most circumstances, if you are not listening, you are not communicating. Third, monitor the tone of your message. When you are speaking, tone is tightly associated with your voice, although the words you choose also can convey tone. Communication theorist Albert Mahrabian popularized the 7-38-55 rule of communication. Mahrabian has observed that only about 7% of what we communicate is conveyed verbally, 55% of our message is conveyed nonverbally via body language, and the remaining 38% is conveyed through our tone. While this breakdown may not always be exact, it is true that an important portion of our communication is driven by tone. In a virtual environment, body language can be difficult to observe so our words and tone play even greater roles in how we communicate. Be sure to breathe normally, watch the pace of your words, and pay attention to the pitch of your voice. All three contribute to what people hear as your tone. Fourth, remain open and transparent with your audience. Share your perspective but be willing to hear and accept views and perspectives that may differ. Admit, where appropriate, that you may not yet have all the information necessary or be ready to take a final position. Invite others to share their experiences, information that might bear on the topic, and ideas regarding potential courses of action. Meanwhile, be clear about elements and aspects of the situation or issues that are decided and not open for discussion. Mistrust and confusion can surface quickly if the audience begins to feel manipulated or patronized. Fifth, confirm that your message was received clearly and address any confusion. Taking time to confirm that we have been heard and our intent and expectations are clear is important in a face-to-face environment. This step is even more crucial in a virtual world. We can quickly find that people are taking actions and moving in directions we never intended, all believing that they are acting in alignment with our message. Spending a few minutes inviting questions, exploring what people see as implications, and even having audience members repeat the message can reduce confusion, prevent wasted time and energy, and increase consistency of effort going forward. Communication is a key tool for building shared purpose, growing trust, and marshalling energy to achieve important goals. However, it can easily be undermined by lack of clarity, subtle distractions, and misalignment of understanding. The challenge is even greater in a virtual world, but success is within reach if we take the time to prepare carefully, share openly, and confirm completely.

December 15, 2020

Giving Support to Grieving Students

It seems that almost every day we hear about a new record high of coronavirus infection cases across states and the nation. Hospitalizations continue to rise and unfortunately, we hear of even more deaths because of the pandemic. Prior to COVID-19 it was estimated that one in 14 children lose a parent or sibling before they reach their 18th birthday. Given the hundreds of thousands of additional deaths resulting from the pandemic, we can expect the frequency of students who are experiencing death in their lives and families to be even higher now. The reality is inescapable. It is sad, depressing, and disheartening. Yet, our students who have lost a loved one are fortunate to have the caring and support of teachers and other staff to help them find their way through the experience. Of course, family members, clergy, and others in their lives can hopefully provide comfort, support, and guidance, but teachers and other adults at school have a role to play. Importantly, for many students, school may be the most stable and supportive place in their lives. Further, at this time of year students are spending a major portion of their waking lives involved in school-related learning activities, whether in person or remote. Without question, we need to be ready to assist where we can. Still, teachers and other staff members need to know what to do and how to help. The good news is that providing the support most students need does not require extensive training. We need to communicate our understanding and empathy. We need to be there when students need us. More specifically, experts advise five key considerations that can help us provide what students need as they grieve. First, we need to listen more and talk less. We might be tempted to share times when we have grieved, want to tell stories about our experiences with the deceased, or try to cheer up the student by focusing on a silver lining, such as reminding the students of past experiences with the person who died. There will be an appropriate time for sharing and reminiscing later. Initially, our students just need to know that we are there for them and ready to listen and support them. Second, we need to avoid using euphemisms to describe death, especially for younger students. Descriptors such as “passed” or “eternal rest” can be confusing and lead to misconceptions about what has happened. Using the words “died” or “death” can help students to grasp the reality that the person will not come back and communicate our understanding of the situation. These situations are confusing enough on their own. We must be careful not to add to the student’s distress. Third, we can anticipate a variety of behavioral responses resulting from a student’s grief. Some students will withdraw, want to avoid attention, and have difficulty maintaining focus while others may act out in anger, defiance, and blaming. Our patience and understanding are crucial, but we also need to monitor their behavior, especially if it is sustained or escalates. Further, we need to realize that our relationship with the student is even more important during this time. When students act out, we must be careful not to place our relationship on the line. Our students need reassurance that we understand and want to help. Abandoning them cannot be a threat or suggestion we employ. Fourth, we can give students opportunities to experience a sense of control. The loss of a loved one can leave students feeling adrift without the ability to influence what is happening to and around them. By giving choices about activities, tasks, and other elements of classroom life, we can help students to regain some reassurance. For some students, an invitation to take on minor classroom responsibilities and roles can offer a sense of control, but we need to be sensitive to how the student perceives our offers and expectations. Fifth, we need to reach out to families of students who are experiencing grief. Families often see a larger context for what the student is experiencing and what they need. They may even have suggestions for what we can do to help. Families will also appreciate the caring and concern, and the contact can be helpful if further support and services become necessary. We never want our students to suffer and grieve. Yet, loss is a part of the human experience. Our presence, caring, and support can make a crucial difference.

December 07, 2020

Five Secrets to Successful Online Meetings

The growing prevalence of online meetings to conduct important work while practicing physical distancing and reducing logistical challenges associated with the pandemic has led to the coining of terms like “screen fatigue” and “virtual meeting burnout.” Of course, there are issues and items that need the collective attention and engagement of groups and teams within our organizations, so avoiding online meetings is not necessarily the answer. Still, the feelings are real. The good news is that there are steps we can take to make online meetings more productive, efficient, and satisfying. As you prepare for and conduct online meetings, here are five strategies that can make a positive difference:

Establish meeting norms in advance. Such things as muting microphones when others are speaking, not talking over each other, avoiding multitasking, and posting questions and comments in chat boxes or other appropriate places for later attention are some examples. Of course, we need to provide reminders and encourage compliance when norms are ignored.
Develop short, focused agendas. Online meetings can feel more exhausting than in-person meetings as participants have to pay closer attention to observe non-verbal messages, may feel isolated from other attendees, and have difficulty remaining attentive as they experience distractions in their physical space. Short, focused agendas can encourage participants to stay engaged. Efficient introductions and engaging ice breakers at the beginning of the agenda can build comfort and connections and create readiness for discussion and other forms of meeting participation.
Provide time for reflection and responses. During face-to-face meetings it can be easy to read the readiness of participants to make a comment or present a question. Online meetings typically make this task more difficult. Consequently, we might be tempted to move on rather than wait for responses or be tempted to cut off discussion too early. Also, slight time delays in the technology can lead us to inadvertently talk over someone else. Slowing the meeting pace and allowing time for more deliberative discussion can make an important difference.
Monitor and manage time. When meetings begin to wander, so does attention. When discussions feel as though they are dragging out, frustration can quickly build. Consider setting and minding timelines for discussion to support focus and keep the meeting moving forward.
Summarize key decisions and follow-up. Of course, summaries and follow-up clarification are important components of any meeting. However, in online environments it is even easier to lose track of what tasks will be performed, who will be responsible, and when they will be completed. The end of the meeting can also be a good time to clear up any confusion, answer any remaining questions, and evaluate the quality of the meeting.

Conducting efficient, productive meetings is rarely an easy task. Yet, with thoughtful planning, careful structuring, and attention to a few key facilitation tasks, online meetings can be satisfying and even energizing.

September 14, 2020

Share Your Tips & Stories

Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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Do’s and Don’ts for Communicating with Teachers Now

Do…realize that Zoom fatigue is a real thing. Many teachers were required to have at least 10 office hours per week on top of PLC meetings and whole staff meetings. While not all of these had to be Zoom meetings—many of them were. Therefore, keep Zoom fatigue in mind and save it for when it’s really needed. Do…check in with your teachers frequently to see how they are doing. Do…understand how much teachers miss their students. Don’t…fail to respond back to them when they return your emails. Otherwise, it looks as if you are just “checking a box.” Don’t…underestimate how intimidating it may be for teachers to be teaching online with other family members observing, instead of in the privacy of their small classroom.

June 30, 2020

Template for Communication with All Your Stakeholders

The following is a list of the things you may want to communicate to administrators, teachers, paras, support staff, bus drivers, students, parents, the general public, community groups, the board of education, the chamber of commerce, city employees, city and county boards, politicians, and the media.

What you have done to supply students with computers for home use.

What you have done to help families without Wi-Fi access.

The learning management platforms you are using, e.g., Canvas, Google Classroom, Seesaw.

Technology providers, e.g., Zoom, Pear Deck.

Number of laptops provided to staff for home use.

Number of families served with children with special needs and 504 services and how you are accomplishing this.

Number of virtual meetings that have taken place.

Number of emails sent and received.

Number of Google Classrooms.

The coordination of dual enrollment programs for college credit as well as youth apprenticeships.

Number of online learning participations each week.

How many times you are communicating with your employees (and the number of employees) each week.

How many times you are communicating with parents each week (and how many there are).

Number of meals served each week and how this is being done.

If facilities are being used by outside agencies such as Red Cross blood drives, etc.

How you are collaborating with other school districts.

Percentage of parents who have said their students have been actively engaged on assigned work.

How the school board is operating virtually.

Employment status of school district employees—and contribution to local economy.

Positive letters and testimonials from parents, students, and staff.

June 30, 2020

Use Summer Communication to Generate Credibility

As we get deeper into summer, it is important not to step back from efforts to communicate. Throughout the spring, keeping staff, parents, and students informed was crucial to ensuring that everyone remained calm, focused, and moving forward. Hopefully, you also kept other stakeholders and groups informed so they understood that learning did not stop even though brick and mortar schools were closed. Your commitment to keep everyone informed likely went far to answer questions, quell rumors, and maintain support for the efforts of your staff, families, and team. Now, the focus of your communication needs to shift and widen. Stakeholders still need to be reminded of the learning that occurred, lessons that were taught, and other services that were provided during the spring. You need to do all that you can to counter natural tendencies for people to assume the worst if they are not aware of the truth. Added to these key messages, stakeholders need to hear what is happening this summer, even more than during most summers. Predictably, many questions about whether and how schools will open in the fall are generating anxiety across the community. Your efforts to keep stakeholders informed about planning and preparation, even if detailed, specific information is not available, will make a positive difference. Just knowing that you and your team are busy working on the problem and the confidence you project that a plan will be ready when the time comes to convene the school year can provide important reassurance. Even though many variables remain and plans to restart school are still taking shape, you can share the core priorities and principles—ensuring safety, supporting learning, minimizing disruption—that will guide planning and decisions in the coming weeks. Further, you can reassure stakeholders by sharing timelines and venues you will use to communicate decisions and plans as they are finalized. Be sure not to forget that during this time especially, the audiences you need to reach are broader than may be the case during times of calm and relative certainty.

Of course, staff, students, parents, booster clubs, etc. still need current information.
Also remember that city, village, or township leaders need to hear your progress and plans so they can be positioned to provide support.
State and federal elected officials need to be informed so they can advocate for your needs and share your progress.
Local service, civic, social, and religious organizations will be interested so they can coordinate programs they offer and schedules they need to develop.

Further, these groups are made up of people who, if informed, will pass along information and can provide reassurance that serious work is underway to meet the challenges ahead. Each community is unique, so be sure to do an inventory with your leadership team to identify groups and individuals who need to be “kept in the loop” as the summer unfolds. Of course, local news media such as radio, television, or newspaper, can help to “get the word out,” but do not forget the opportunities that reside in blog posts, podcasts, videos and other communication technologies to share your messages and keep them fresh. The credibility and support you experience in the fall will likely be influenced by the strength, dependability, and frequency of communication provided during the summer months. It makes sense to take maximum advantage of this opportunity. Resources: https://masterteacher.net/template-for-communication-with-all-your-stakeholders-2/ https://masterteacher.net/dos-and-donts-for-communicating-with-teachers-now/

June 26, 2020

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