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Eight Secrets for When You Want to Slow Down and Savor Life

Life seems to come at us at full speed; as Ferris Bueller notably observed, “Life moves pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it.” In our day-to-day schedule, though, finding time to reflect, appreciate, and enjoy life can sometimes feel beyond our reach, yet the truth is that each of us has the same number of minutes and hours in each day. The key to finding a pace that works for us and provides time for what makes us happy, gives us comfort, and feeds our soul resides in decisions we make every day.

We can allow life to come at us at its own pace, or we can decide to exercise more control. We can react to things life throws at us without much thought, or we can respond with insight and purpose. The choice is ours.

Of course, gaining more control over our lives, finding ways to moderate the pace, and reserving time for what matters to us is not necessarily easy. It requires thoughtfulness, focus, and some discipline. However, the process can be amazingly fulfilling and meaningful. Here are eight strategies we can use to slow life down and allow us to savor more of it.

Establish reassuring routines and reinforcing rituals. We might start each day by taking a brief walk while taking note of our surroundings and appreciating nature. We may spend a few minutes stretching and loosening our muscles. We might spend some time journaling our thoughts while having a cup of tea or coffee. The key is to begin the day with a comfortable pace and thoughtful presence. Similarly, at the end of the day, we can establish quieting and relaxing routines and rituals; listening to calming music, reading a good book, or taking a relaxing bath or shower can bring the day to a peaceful close.

Engage in mini breaks and mindful minutes. We can interrupt the pace of hectic days by consciously stepping back for even a few minutes to close our eyes, calm our minds, and give our brains a rest. These mini breaks can also be times when we practice mindfulness activities such as breathing deeply, choosing calming thoughts, and centering our attention on the moment. Even a minute or two spent during transitions can help us to slow down and connect to our feelings and surroundings. As a result, our stress can ebb, and our productivity can surge.

Slow your speed and take your time. As simple as it may seem, consciously slowing our walking pace, moderating the tempo of our speech, and even driving at a more leisurely pace can help us to feel calm and more deliberate in our thoughts and actions. Similarly, we can resist multitasking and, instead, focus on what we are currently doing while savoring the moment. Meanwhile, we will make fewer mistakes and get more accomplished.

Take time away from the tension of technology. We might designate times when we will unplug from notifications, alarms, and screens. For example, we might choose to unplug during meals, while driving to and from work, an hour before bed, and, if possible, a day on the weekend. We can avoid nonessential alarms and notifications that add to our distraction. Of course, staying away from technology during the night can lead to more restful sleep. Time spent away from the screens in our lives also creates more opportunities to focus on ourselves, connect with our surroundings, and pay more attention to our loved ones.

Notice small things and appreciate simple pleasures. In a hurried life we can overlook, ignore, and discount the presence and value of small but enjoyable aspects of life. Paying attention to the sunrise and sunset, focusing on music as we listen to it, stopping to smell a flower, or enjoying the taste of a delicious meal can help us to gain greater enjoyment of everyday life. Making time to visit with a friend, spending quality time with family members, or engaging in conversation with a neighbor can help us to refocus and reflect on the importance of the people in our lives.

Prioritize progress over perfection. When we expect perfection, we are more likely to be disappointed than gratified. Focusing on progress gives us permission to make mistakes—and learn from them. Expecting perfection, on the other hand, means mistakes must be avoided. We can celebrate small wins and modest successes as we build new skills, develop our talents, and expand our expertise. Regardless of whether progress comes at a modest and consistent pace or occurs in surprising leaps, we can savor the journey and use the experience to remain positive and motivated to live and learn.

Consider the possibility of procrastination. Procrastination has a bad reputation, but just because something is on our to-do list does not always mean that it must be done right now, or even today. Sometimes allowing time to pass can lead to a better understanding of something or a better approach to completing a task. In some cases, conditions migrate, and the task we thought we needed to complete changes or may no longer require our attention. Of course, we need to avoid falling into the trap or habit of putting off what really needs to be done. However, considering elements of urgency, timeliness, and consequences can help us to better manage the pace and sequence of what needs our attention.

Regularly reflect, reassess, and realign. Life happens whether we go with the flow or decide how to live it. Spending time thinking about what is important to us, contemplating the difference we want to make, and setting goals can help us to clarify and honor our priorities. However, we need to regularly reflect on how and whether we are really spending our time on what is most important. Intentions matter and plans are necessary, but what we do and how we spend our time determines whether what we value is also what we live.

There is no question that resisting the constant rush of life is a challenge and finding time for meaning, enjoyment, and appreciation can be difficult. These and other strategies can help us to create space for meaning, find a place for enjoyment, and embrace life as it unfolds. Do you have some favorite strategies to add?

December 19, 2024

Invest One Hour to Mentally and Emotionally Prepare for the New School Year

Summer is quickly passing and before we know it, we will be starting a new school year. The list of tasks we need to complete before students arrive is important. However, physical preparations are only one part of the process of readying for the new year—we also need to give attention to our mental and emotional readiness.

Hopefully, we have been able to take advantage of the summer to decompress, refocus our attention, and refresh our spirits. As the beginning of the fall semester approaches, we might spend some time reacquainting ourselves with the ideas, insights, and experiences we want to bring with us. We also might revisit and reevaluate key routines and rituals on which we have relied and adjust them to increase our efficiency, comfort, and effectiveness. Further, we might consider relationships we want to nurture and renew for companionship, support, and guidance in the coming months.

Fortunately, investing as little as one hour to engage in some reflection, personal renewal, and relationship management can give us a jumpstart. Consider the following three areas of focus using a 5-4-3-2-1 approach to guide your thinking and preparation. A detailed plan or to-do list may not be necessary, but you might want to jot a few notes as you reflect to revisit later.

Reflection

Reflect on your learning priorities by identifying:

5 things you tried with students that worked well.
4 strategies you want to try.
3 things you want to fix.
2 things you still want to learn.
1 misstep you want to avoid.

Renewal

Plan your mental and emotional health strategy by identifying:

5 daily routines that serve you well.
4 affirmations that will keep you grounded and focused.
3 commitments you need to make to remain well-balanced and healthy.
2 habits you want to develop.
1 habit you want to break.

Relationships

Consider who feeds your spirit and gives you energy by identifying:

5 people with whom you want to continue to connect.
4 people with whom you want to form a stronger relationship.
3 people with whom you want to explore a relationship.
2 people with whom you have a relationship that needs renewal or repair.
1 person you need to avoid.

We can easily become preoccupied by the long list of physical preparations associated with beginning a new school year. However, we also need to make mental and emotional preparations a priority if we hope to launch and enjoy a satisfying and successful year.

July 17, 2024

Your Summer To-Don't List

Many of us have an extensive list detailing what we need and want to accomplish during the summer break. The list likely contains many important and unavoidable tasks, but hopefully, the list also includes several activities that will contribute to refreshing our spirits and renewing our enthusiasm for when fall arrives.

What may not be on our list are actions and activities we plan to avoid. However, what we choose not to do can be as important as those activities in which we plan to engage. As you finalize your plans for the coming weeks, here are six actions and activities to take off your list.

First, resist excessively rehashing the past year. Conflicts, missteps, disappointments, and regrets offer little value unless we can—and intend to—do something about them. If there are lessons to be learned, we need to discern what they are, learn them, and let go. Obsessing saps our energy and can undermine our confidence.

Second, avoid spending too much time in your classroom on materials organization, room orientation, and classroom decoration. Physical separation from our classroom can assist the processes of refreshing and renewing our energy and enthusiasm. While briefly stopping by the classroom to collect or drop off items might make sense, organizing, arranging, and decorating can generally wait until closer to the beginning of the new school year.

Third, forgo creating a detailed content coverage plan and assessment calendar for the semester or year. A general schema to estimate and monitor progress and determine appropriate times to assess that progress can be helpful. However, rigid planning risks focusing exclusively on content coverage and delivery rather than true learning and may result in administering assessments before students have finished with and are ready to demonstrate their learning.

Fourth, don’t spend time developing meticulous lesson plans. The makeup of classes and the needs of individual students need to be considered for lessons to be successful. We might script the first couple of days to get off to a good start, but as soon as we begin to interact with students, the experiences we design need to respond to their readiness, needs, and interests.

Fifth, skip making exhaustive lists of classroom rules. Having a general picture of behaviors and guidelines can help, certainly, but students generally respond better and feel greater ownership when they can play a role in discussing and developing classroom behavior expectations.

Sixth, try not to spend time stressing about the coming school year. We need to trust ourselves to know what to do when the time comes. We cannot predict the future, and worries about it are almost always unwarranted or overblown. It’s easier said than done, sure, but time spent worrying risks distracting us from the refocusing and refreshment time that summer should be.

Summer should be a time for rejuvenating our spirit, recharging our energy, and renewing our enthusiasm. When we remove unproductive and premature activities and actions from our summer to-do list, we make these goals more attainable.

June 05, 2024

Overcoming the Challenge of Emotional Hoarding

Hoarding physical objects can be a significant life problem. We have seen television shows and read news articles about people who compulsively collect and hold on to seemingly useless objects, even junk. People fill their living space with stuff they collect and often cannot bring themselves to abandon what they have collected. In extreme cases, people are hardly able to live in their house or apartment due to the space occupied by what they are hoarding. For a variety of reasons, despite the stress and discomfort associated with the behavior, they persist.

While physical hoarding is a visible phenomenon, not all hoarding necessarily is visible or physical. Without consciously choosing or even realizing the impact, we can be accumulating mental and emotional “baggage” that saps our energy, grows our stress, and undermines our ability to fully enjoy our life and work.

Much like the accumulation of physical objects, our mental and emotional capacity to engage, explore, grow, and learn can be compromised when we allow past hurts, current conflicts, and the possibility of future disappointments to fill our minds and fray our emotions.

Of course, the mental and emotional elements that take up space come in many forms. It is also true that hoarding happens in stages and does not always grow to the point of paralyzing the hoarder. Regular house cleaning can help to counter urges to hoard. Similarly, conducting a mental and emotional inventory can help us to see what may be interfering with our happiness and success. Becoming conscious of what we are holding on to can position us to let go of what is not serving us well and create space for new energy, curiosity, and growth.

Let’s consider six mental and emotional elements that are worthy of examination and are candidates for abandonment:

Grudges. Grudges can be among largest occupiers of mental space. Grudges distract us; hold us back from forming, fixing, and flourishing relationships; and almost always exact the greatest price from the people who hold them. Deciding to let go, forgive, and move on can be a major emotional space freer.
Guilt. Guilt can occupy a similar amount of mental and emotional space as grudges, but guilt is aimed at ourselves rather than someone else. To clear space, we need to forgive ourselves. To do this, we may need to apologize and make things right with someone we have harmed. We might need to recognize that we cannot change what happened, but if we have learned from the experience, we can give ourselves permission to let it go and free up some emotional space.
Regrets. Regrets can be the result of choices we made or did not make. They can be the result of opportunities we let pass us by or paths we chose that did not serve us well. However, with each decision made, there were likely new experiences gained, lessons learned, and opportunities presented. Rather than looking back and fixating on what might have been, we can commit to making the best of what we have and making better choices in the future.
Assumptions. Assumptions also take up significant undeserved mental space. Assumptions are untested, unproven, and often inaccurate perceptions of how things work, who people are, and what is possible. Testing our assumptions can help us to avoid misunderstandings, miscalculations, and missteps in our relationships with others and become more productive in our work.
Beliefs. Beliefs are formed out of the assumptions we make. We might even think of them as being “stacked” on what we already assume to be true. Beliefs based on inaccurate assumptions can prevent us from engaging in new experiences, taking responsible risks, being curious, and trying new things. Like assumptions, we can create mental space by testing and sorting our beliefs about learning, teaching, and other aspects of our practice.
Fears. Fear may be the most insidious occupier of mental and emotional space. Fear can conjure up images of failure, identify endless risks, warn of embarrassment, and present a near endless list of other “better avoided” actions. Yet, fear thrives on what might be, not on what is or what will be. Unless we confront our fears, we are not likely to dispel those that have no basis but still have a hold on us.

Summer can be a great time for mental and emotional housekeeping. Remember: We do not have to be full-fledged mental and emotional hoarders to benefit from letting go of what distracts and holds us back. Most importantly, any space we create is available for more productive and growth-inducing opportunities.

June 05, 2024

How Rituals Can Sustain Us in Difficult Times

This time of the year can be challenging. After all, the holiday breaks have passed, the days are short, and the weather may not be pleasant. Spring can seem a long way off. For many, this a month when we struggle to remain motivated, creative, and productive. We may feel out of control and anxious, and even seemingly small things can upset us in ways we do not expect.

We need strategies that can help us to regain a sense of control, reduce feelings of confusion and anxiety, and renew our confidence and commitment. Fortunately, there is a wealth of research on how we can make this happen within our daily lives. As simple as it may sound, daily rituals can help us to feel centered and more confident. They can lead us to feel less anxious, and they can even reduce our stress. Rituals can give a greater sense of order and predictability to our lives.

A ritual is defined as a predetermined sequence of symbolic actions, often characterized by formality and repetition. As that definition indicates, rituals typically have symbolic meaning, but they may have no obvious useful purpose. They may have religious and spiritual origins, but they do not have to have a religious connection to be effective.

Engaging in rituals is pervasive and thus not limited to any one occupation. Many athletes, for example, form and maintain rituals to lower their anxiety, bring order to their actions, and help them to focus on upcoming competition. They may put on the components of their uniform in a specific order, prepare equipment in an exact way, or follow other carefully sequenced preparatory and/or in-competition activities. Artists, too, often engage in rituals. They organize equipment and materials with careful thought and consistency. Artists may seek familiar settings and surroundings to do their best work, even though we might assume that is not the setting that generates creativity, but the artist. Consider that author Charles Dickens always slept with his head facing north, believing that doing so made him more creative. Author and poet Maya Angelou would only write in a hotel room with all pictures removed from the wall.

Rituals are not habits. We may engage in habits without thinking, while rituals carry meaning and purpose to us. Where habits can be engaged in without awareness of any connection or supposed influence, rituals are grounded in meaning, consciousness, purpose, and mindfulness.

Of course, we need to be careful to avoid rituals that may be toxic for us. “Doomscrolling” on social media and watching (and then obsessing over) the daily news, are two common examples. Toxic rituals work against the goals of gaining control and lessening our anxiety.

So, how might we use rituals to help us gain a sense of control? Here are some possibilities:

We can develop a morning ritual that helps us to wake and prepare for the day. We might review what lies ahead and remind ourselves of our ability to succeed regardless of what the day might hold. Our morning ritual might include stretching and exercising, texting a close friend or relative and wishing them a good day, or some other activity that gives us a sense of control and well-being.
When arriving at school, we might engage in a ritual that includes greeting colleagues, securing coffee, and previewing the lessons we designed for the day. The result can be feelings of connectedness and readiness for what lies ahead.
When students arrive, we may engage in a ritual that includes greeting and engaging in handshakes, high-fives, or other gestures that convey connection and caring. Our positive interaction can set a positive tone and expectation for how the day will go.
When we are going to meet with parents, we might engage in a ritual that includes thinking about how the parents might feel and what they will need from us in order for the meeting to be successful. Understanding and anticipating what parents might be feeling can help us to be confident and empathetic.
As we prepare for the next day, we might engage in a prescribed sequence of activities such as reviewing what happened and what we learned from today, what students will need to move to the next level of learning, and how we might design activities that will support the learning for which they are ready.
We might end the day with rituals that help us to let go of what may have frustrated or distracted us. We might put away materials, store equipment, and leave our classrooms without bringing anything that we will not need at home during the evening. This ritual can help to create separation between our work and home lives so that we enjoy the evening and return refreshed tomorrow.

Of course, not all rituals must be functional. In fact, experts note that the nature of rituals is less important than the significance given to them by the people who practice them. We might choose to wear our “lucky outfit,” repeat a favorite mantra, or do something else that helps us to feel more in control, lessen our anxiety, and dissipate our stress. The choice is ours.

February 01, 2024

Six Ways Empathy Can Protect Our Mental Health

Mental health is a serious and persistent issue in our schools and our profession. The toll of multiple pressures and accumulated experiences from the past few years has left a heavy burden on our sense of well-being, our attitudes toward life and each other, and even our physical health.

We hear a lot about the importance of self-care, finding balance, and “taking the long view.” While good advice, such urgings can fall short of countering the emotional burdens we carry. We often need more support than we can manage on our own.

Fortunately, there is a powerful counterforce to the feelings of frustration, isolation, and loneliness that threaten to sap our energy, dissipate our motivation, and undermine our commitment. That connecting, energizing, and reassuring force is the presence and practice of empathy.

Empathy, of course, is different from sympathy. Sympathy is feeling sorry for someone’s circumstance or having someone feel sorry for us. Sympathy is not a strong connector. Empathy, on the other hand, involves understanding and sharing the experiences, perceptions, and feelings of others. Empathy builds an emotional and cognitive connection.

Empathy also offers mutual benefits. The person who is experiencing empathy from others feels supported, understood, and cared for. At the same time, the person who is extending empathy experiences the benefits of connecting with and helping others. When people feel connected, understood, and respected, they are more likely to be motivated and emotionally healthy. Let’s explore six additional ways in which empathy can support our mental health.

First, empathy builds trust. It allows us to be authentic and transparent. Empathy seeks understanding, not confirmation of our predispositions, and can reveal the positive intentions of others while dispelling suspicions and negative assumptions about others’ motivations and actions.

Second, empathy helps to form and maintain relationships. It builds a sense of connectedness and understanding and nurtures feelings of belonging. Empathy can carry relationships through tough times, even when we may be caught in conflict and disagreement.

Third, empathy reduces levels of anger and frustration. By being empathetic, we can see and value the perspectives of others. Empathy can replace hostility with understanding, and it can counter the toll that chronic anger takes on our mental health.

Fourth, empathy can help us to discover solutions to challenges and conflicts. The quality of being empathetic supports communication that is more open and creative. Empathy opens doors to mutual understanding; solutions can emerge naturally from open, honest, and respectful exploration.

Fifth, empathy can help us to become more resilient. As we understand the experiences and perspectives of others, we can become more aware of and better able to regulate our own emotions. The experiences of others also can be an inspiration and lead us to higher levels of courage and determination.

Sixth, practicing empathy with others can support us to be more self-empathetic. We can be exceedingly hard on ourselves, especially during times of challenges and stress. When we consistently extend empathy to others, it can become easier to pause, reflect, and build self-understanding. It can even lead us to forgive ourselves when we otherwise may become trapped in guilt.

Of course, we need to recognize that there are limits to the depth and breadth of the empathy we extend. At times, we may need to set limits to avoid becoming overly immersed in the emotions and struggles of others. Like any behavior, too much of a good thing can diminish its benefits and counter its contributions to our health and success. Empathy is no exception, but practicing it wisely can be its own form of mental-health protection.

October 26, 2023

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Share your story and the tips you have for getting through this challenging time. It can remind a fellow school leader of something they forgot, or your example can make a difficult task much easier and allow them to get more done in less time. We may publish your comments.

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