The Master Teacher Blog

In many cultures, this is a time of the year when gifts are given to family, friends, colleagues, and others. The gift-giving tradition generates feelings of generosity and gratitude, but it can also feel like a burden and an obligation. During an already busy and pressure-filled time, we find ourselves stretching budgets, pressing for time, and searching our brains for gift ideas.

Unfortunately, gift giving under these conditions can risk us missing the value of gifts given freely and thoughtfully with the recipient in mind. Gift giving should not feel like an obligation. The gifts that matter the most, regardless of the time of year or tradition behind them, come from our hearts filled with the joy and happiness of the receiver in mind.

In fact, some of the most precious gifts we can give aren’t tangible objects or expensive selections. Instead, the gifts that matter most tend to cost the least and are given without expectation or obligation. Here are six gifts we can offer now or at any time of the year that communicate our caring, demonstrate our generosity, and cost us nothing. Most important, they can be priceless to those who receive them.

The first gift is our simple, attentive listening. Listening communicates respect and value. Our willingness to be still and really listen to others offers a precious gift to those who need to be heard and want to be understood. We don’t have to have all the answers. We may have no solutions to offer, but our willingness to give our time, dedicate our attention, and actively care matters more than we know.

A second gift is our willingness to accept others without conditions and expectations. Our society, our communities, our schools, and even our families are becoming more diverse. People who see life differently from us, whose lifestyles may be different from ours, and whose goals are not goals we would choose to pursue still deserve to be accepted for who they are. Still, the sad reality is that people often face barriers, discrimination, and pressures to conform that are debilitating. Our willingness to accept and value those who may not be exactly like us is a welcome gift and gives reassurance of their inherent value as a person.

The third gift is our willingness to offer encouragement and give support to those who may be struggling and need someone who believes in them and wants them to succeed. However, our encouragement needs to be authentically offered and our support genuinely extended. Often just knowing that we’re confident in them and their potential to succeed is enough to encourage them through their struggle and get them to move forward.

A fourth gift is to reach out and lend a hand without expectations or obligations. Our willingness to give our energy, insight, skills, and time can be a relief-giving gift when someone feels overwhelmed, inadequate, and alone. We may not see our assistance as special or unusual, but when offered at just the right time, freely given, and obligation-free, our offer of assistance can be a burden-lifting and much appreciated gift.

The fifth gift is our willingness to forgive, let go of past grievances, and restore relationships. Disappointment, resentment, and separation result in heavy burdens both for those who harbor these feelings and for those who are the object of them. The feelings may have roots in legitimate grievances. Past words or actions may have caused hurt. However, hurt feelings and grievances rarely maintain any value over time. Deciding to forgive, let go, and restore relationships that matter to us create valuable, life-lifting gifts.

The sixth gift may be simplest, yet it can make an outsized difference. That gift is a smile. A genuine smile assures others we see and notice them. A smile offers hope and communicates caring. It’s difficult to ignore a bright and friendly smile. A smile brightens a day and offers hope. It‘s been said that “If we meet someone too worried or distressed to give us a smile, we should leave one of ours. For no one needs a smile quite as much as someone who has none to give.”

In this season of giving and of gratitude, these gifts can have astounding positive effects on those around us. Additionally, these gifts also offer special value to us as their givers. Each of these gifts enrich our lives, make us more optimistic, and leave us feeling happier. It’s a no-brainer that these dual benefits make these gifts worth giving!

This time of year is emotionally challenging for many students. The holidays can be a time of uncertainty and stress. Relationships formed earlier in the year may not be going well or may have disintegrated. The end of the calendar year may include challenges and deadlines that are disruptive to families. Meanwhile, colder weather and fewer hours of sunlight can lead to emotional stress and dips in mental health. The list could go on.

Of course, we, too, might be experiencing stress, pressure, disappointment, and uncertainty that make it challenging to sense our students’ struggles and respond in helpful and supportive ways. As a result, we can misstep, overstep, or under-respond to students who need our attention and support.

Admittedly, these may not be easy or comfortable situations. However, with a few reminders, we can avoid some of the most common mistakes and missteps in response to student emotional challenges. Here are six “potholes” worthy of our reflection and avoidance as we enter the holiday season.

Assuming—We might think that we know or can predict why a student is upset. Yet, what is causing the student’s emotions may actually have nothing at all to do with what we assume. Our jumping to conclusions can leave the student feeling unheard, misunderstood, and discounted.

Instead: We can put aside our preconceived notions and ask open-ended questions that invite the student to share what they are feeling and why. Our interest can lead to understanding, and our concern will be reassuring. Meanwhile, we will not have to backtrack and apologize for assuming that we knew what we did not.

Shaming—We can be tempted to tell a student variations of “get over it,” “toughen up,” or “just ignore it.” However, even when we softly convey those sentiments, we discount the student’s concern and risk sending the message that what they are feeling is not worthy, that expressing emotion is not acceptable, or that they should be ashamed.

Instead: We need to reassure students that it is natural to experience strong emotions, even when they are negative. Everyone goes through times when they face difficult circumstances and struggle. We can normalize the expression of emotion as a sign of strength, not weakness.

Overlooking—We might be busy or distracted, only to discover that we missed or misinterpreted multiple clues that a student needed our attention and support. Students do not always verbally or directly tell us when they are struggling. They do not always reach out and request our help. Yet, they may be sending multiple messages via shifts in their behavior and body language or through other nonverbal cues.

Instead: We can be mindful and observant of our students’ behavior. When a talkative student suddenly goes silent, a usually even-tempered student immediately becomes agitated, or a demonstrative student withdraws, we need to check in with them in an inquiring, non-judgmental manner.

Abandoning—We might have an initial conversation with a student that seems to help and then we move on to other things. Yet, the student may still be struggling and may need more support. Or we may promise to do or provide something but neglect to follow up or follow through.

Instead: Make it a point to check back with distraught students to see how they are doing and if they need anything. Following up and following through builds trust and communicates that we value our students and their well-being.

Pressing—We might think that we can convince upset students to let go and move forward quickly or that we have given them a solution to their situation that they should accept and implement immediately. We might feel the urgency of students getting back to work, but we need to remember that moving beyond intense emotions such as anxiety, worry, and grief takes time. Pressing during these times can leave students feeling unheard or misunderstood. As a result, their feelings may intensify.

Instead: We can step back and give students time to process their feelings and regain composure. We might suggest a break, moving to a private space, or even a few minutes to calm themselves. Of course, we need to reassure the student that we are available if they need to talk more.

Overreacting—Sometimes the emotions students are feeling touch a pain point in our emotions or stimulates a strong reaction in us. We might react harshly or become emotional ourselves. In either case, we risk escalating the student’s emotional state, setting off a power struggle, or struggling to deal with our own emotions.

Instead: We can focus on remaining calm and in control. Rather than reacting, we might respond by recognizing that the student is upset and inquire about what is causing it. Also, giving the situation some time by pausing, taking a deep breath, or physically stepping back can create space for us to gain control and avoid making the situation worse. Later, we can reflect on why we reacted so strongly and what we may need to do to feel better.

Dealing with emotions is hard. The challenge is even greater for young people as they navigate relationships, mature, and encounter many of life’s experiences for the first time. Obviously, we cannot always prevent or change their feelings, nor can we solve all their emotional difficulties. However, we can be ready with our attention, support, encouragement, and patience. Very often, that is enough.

What we intend with our words and actions may be laudable and admirable, but what students and others experience does not always align with what we mean and expect. When there is a disconnect, we can feel surprised, disappointed, and frustrated in response. However, as tempting as it might be, we cannot simply blame students or others for not interpreting what we say and do in a manner consistent with our intentions.

Even though our intentions might be pure, when the impact elicits a negative response or is misinterpreted, we must first examine our role in the situation. The only actions we control are our own. Understanding where and how a disconnect occurred starts by accepting responsibility, working to rectify the current situation, and understanding how to prevent its reoccurrence in the future.

How does intention become disconnected from impact? The culprit might be any of several factors. Here are four common causes:

• Our communication style or strategy. Our message may not have actually been clear to its recipient. Our tone may have been harsher or more critical than we intended. It might even be that what we said and how we said it was fine, but our body language betrayed us or communicated something else unintentionally.
• Assumptions we made about readiness to hear and learn. Students may not have fully mastered the skills on which new content and actions depend. They may have learned—but since forgotten—crucial information and processes necessary for success in the planned activity. Others may have been distracted or not had the background understanding we assumed.
• The strategy we chose to motivate. A setup that previously was motivating may no longer hold the same meaning and pull. Our word choice may have undermined the motivational message we intended. Or our timing might have been off and, as such, people may have misread what we were attempting to accomplish.
• Our intent and the context may not have been a match. What happened the day prior, or even earlier in the day, might have poisoned the context. Consequently, despite our intent, students or others were unable to separate their emotions and let go of their negative perceptions of us and the situation.

The obvious questions are, how we can reduce the potential for a disconnect to occur between our intentions and the impact of our actions, and what can we learn when disconnects do occur? Here are five strategies worth considering:

• Assume positive intentions. Assuming positive intentions reduces the temptation to blame others for the impact. Once we decide to blame others, we risk not fully understanding what happened, how we might fix the disconnect, and what we might learn to avoid repetition in the future.
• Reflect. The precipitating action was ours, in one way or another, so reflecting is a good place to start. When we understand what we missed, misinterpreted, or assumed incorrectly, we can begin to uncover where and how the disconnect occurred.
• Ask for feedback. In real time, checking for understanding and soliciting feedback can help us to avoid plunging ahead when others are not with us. In retrospect, feedback can offer hints and insights about how our words or actions had an impact, and we can begin to close the information loop.
• Look for communication gaps and gaffs. What we said and how we said it—and what we did and how we did it—matters. As much as we may think that we were clear, the proof is in the reception of information, not in the sending of it.
• Be aware of nonverbal clues and cues. Confused looks, frowns, furrowed brows, crossed arms, physically turning away, and whispered comments are just a few of the clues we might observe when our intent is not having the impact we expect. These behaviors are cues that it is time for us to stop and sort what is happening before any additional confusion, consternation, or disconnection occurs.
• Take responsibility and be accountable. When our first step in repairing a disconnect is taking responsibility, we open communication and reduce the need for others to explain, defend, or blame. We may need to explain and clarify our intentions, but we also need to be ready to apologize if we could or should have seen the disconnect coming.

Every day, we strive to lift our students, nurture in them a love for learning, and lead them to see a future filled with possibility. Sometimes we get it right and we see an amazing impact. At other times, we may need to stop, step back, and set a new course. These are times for reflection, learning, and recommitment, not occasions for regret or retreat. Every day, we have a new opportunity to turn positive intentions into amazing impacts.

We have all had the experience of having our proverbial buttons pushed. For some of us, it happens more often than for others. The trigger can be something someone says or does, a situation or problem we face, or even a painful or embarrassing memory that suddenly pops into our consciousness. What we experience may be the result of something unintentional or happenstance, or it may be purposeful action of someone to distract us or create a reaction.  

Occasionally, something completely new and unexpected is the culprit that pushes our reactive “button,” but more often, what we experience is part of a pattern or relates to a topic or situation that has bedeviled or greatly bothered us before. Of course, there are many stimuli that hold the potential to generate a negative or unsettling reaction. What is more important is that we understand and have strategies for managing situations in which we find ourselves becoming uncomfortable, angry, or otherwise off balance in response to what we hear or experience.  

The next time you feel your buttons being pushed, consider these strategies in response:  

• Take a breath. Give yourself a few seconds to gain control of your emotions. Creating space between what is happening and your response can provide an opportunity to decide your best action, rather than “taking the bait.” 

• Stay calm. Immediately pushing back or responding in kind can needlessly escalate the situation. Your composure positions you to choose what to do next rather than concede control to the other person or circumstance.  

• Ask a question. A question can help to clarify the statement, question, or situation. Often what we initially interpret as negative, accusatory, or demeaning may not be what we assume. A clarifying question can also help us to reflect on a situation or offer the other person an opportunity to backtrack or clarify their intent. 

• Acknowledge your feelings. Anger, confusion, or other reactive feelings are natural responses. However, being aware of how you are feeling, without judging, can help to frame a more measured and thoughtful response.  

• Own your feelings. Use “I” statements to express how the statement or situation is affecting you. This way, you can resist placing blame or making accusations. Explaining and owning how you feel is an honest response and creates an opportunity to clarify intentions or revise a message. 

• Reframe the situation. Rather than going with your initial interpretation, be curious about what was said or how the situation appears. Look for an opportunity to see the situation differently and create a more confident and comfortable path forward. What was intended is less important than the meaning you assign to what happened or was said. 

• Look for solutions. If what stimulated your reaction was a memory or situation, consider how you might reduce its power and avoid reacting emotionally. These situations have meaning, and understanding their power can provide hints for managing the impact. If the stimulus is the words or actions of others, explore whether you can reach an agreement or understanding to avoid repetition, or at least establish boundaries regarding behavior that you find unacceptable.  

• Consider whether to walk away. If the conversation becomes too heated or is becoming unproductive, the best strategy may be to create some distance, either by agreeing to drop the subject for now, or physically walking away for the moment and revisiting the conversation later.  

• Decide what can be learned. Once the situation has passed and you can think calmly, reflect on what happened, why it mattered to you, and how you might engage differently in the future. Almost certainly, you will face similar challenges in the future. Learning what you can and planning how best to respond can be well-spent time.  

Having our buttons pushed is not typically a comfortable sensation. What someone says or does can lead us to feel disrespected or manipulated. When what grabs our attention is a situation or memory, we can feel caught and bewildered. Yet, all these situations carry messages for us to heed, learn from, and plan to manage in the future.  

Somedays, when that last dismissal bell rings, we might struggle to determine if that day was a successful one. It may have been filled with interruptions, disruptions, and distractions. We may have struggled with a lesson plan that did not go as envisioned. Technology might have injected itself in unwelcome ways as students engaged in learning tasks. Some students may have been unprepared, while others had difficulty engaging in planned activities. Of course, the list could go on.  

However, having a day unfold exactly as planned does not necessarily mean that it was a success, either. “Winning” the day has more to do with the experiences, connections, and insights students gained than how smoothly it went. We can become distracted with order and predictability and miss the crucial elements that help students to become better learners and people—and the role we play in making this magic happen.  

A great way to measure the success of any day is to reflect on the elements that really matter. Despite all that may not have gone as planned, we may have made a crucial difference and moved learning and our relationship with students forward in important ways. The next time you are uncertain about whether the day mattered, ask yourself these five questions. 

Today, did I reinforce my confidence in the inevitability of my students’ success? Our confidence sends a strong message to students, especially for students who may be struggling or lack confidence in themselves. Our belief in the potential of our students gives us permission to hold high expectations and nudge students to do their best work. Our expectations can grow the confidence students feel, build their willingness to try, and help them to persist when they are challenged. Students want to hear, “You can do it, and I am here to help.”  

Today, did I listen deeply to a student? Listening can be a very empowering action. Our attention matters. Students want to know that we notice them and care about what they have to say. Deep listening also can reveal important information and insights about our students. The time we spend focusing, gaining an understanding, and responding can be among the most impactful minutes of our day. Interestingly, as few as 20-30 seconds can be enough to have an impact.   

Today, did I ensure that a student felt they were supported and belonged? Maybe I used a student’s name in a positive example. I may have shared an insightful observation from a student who does not receive much attention. I may have made time for students to share something about themselves and noted how important it is to know and support each other. Feeling connected, respected, valued, and belonging are among the most powerful conditions to support learners and learning. 

Today, did I reinforce the purpose and usefulness of what my students are learning? We understand the value of the information we are sharing with our students and the skills we are teaching them, but the connection may not be present for or clear to them. Students do better when they see the utility of what they are asked to learn. On that note, learning must have benefits beyond doing well on a test or receiving a good grade. Consistently making this connection for students can build learning momentum and keep students engaged when the work is challenging and learning does not come easily.  

Today, did the lesson I designed include a discovery? Maybe we revealed a new insight, created an “a-ha” moment, or built in an interesting question that uncovered new understanding. The moment may have featured a connection between new learning and something students already knew, helped them to grasp the purpose of a process, or provided proof that helped students to see their progress. 

Committing to focus on what matters most can help us to build momentum in learning and our relationships with students despite distractions and disruptions. Obviously, this list is not exhaustive. Other behaviors and connections matter, too. What would you add to the list and why?  

Historically, education has been one of the last places where partisan politics and conflicts were likely to play out. School-board elections were relatively quiet affairs in which community-minded people stepped forward to lend their time to guide and support their local schools. School curriculum was rarely a flash point for conflict and debate. Schools were places where consistency and support were largely assumed.

However, in the aftermath of the pandemic, schools and the world of education itself have become fertile ground for debate, conflict, and conspiracy. Issues that used to be taken for granted are spotlighted for attack. Partisan politics have become commonplace in school-board races, policy debates, and instructional practices.

Amid such conflict and confusion, we can become distracted from the fundamental responsibilities schools exist to fulfill. So many of the debates are around side issues and distractions that we can lose focus on what is most important. Yet, our voices and our advocacy remain important and need to play a role in the debate over what schools should be and need to do. More than ever, we need to focus on what is most important and what our students need us to do on their behalf. Putting aside the distractions and manufactured issues, here are ten things worth our fighting for:

A safe and supportive environment: Physical, emotional, and psychological safety must be priorities. Students deserve learning environments that are free from bullying, bias, and intimidation. They need to know that there are adults around them who know and are ready to advocate for them.

A future filled with opportunities: Students deserve to experience an education that prepares them for the future they choose. They deserve ample opportunities to develop skills, be exposed to multiple career and life options, and build social currency in the community and beyond. A student’s family or history should not be predictive of their future.

Opportunities to speak and be heard: Students’ perspectives and input should be valued in decisions regarding their school experience. A student’s academic record, family, or social standing should not determine whether their voice is heard and heeded. Respect must be assured regardless of who chooses to speak.

Fair and equitable discipline: A student’s race, socioeconomic status, behavior history, or other demographic factors must not drive discipline decisions. Discipline needs to be seen as an equitable opportunity for teaching and learning rather than as an occasion for punishment. When consequences are called for, they should be in response to the specific behavior, not the personality or identity of the student.

Respect for culture, history, and life experiences: The curriculum needs to reflect the makeup of the student population and offer exposure to a wide variety of perspectives, traditions, and experiences. Students need to see relevance in their learning experiences, and the curriculum should foster a sense of identity and belonging in addition to academic content.

Instruction that is responsive to what students are ready to learn: Instruction should be designed with students in mind. Their learning needs, readiness, and uniqueness must be key considerations in how instruction is presented, support is offered, and progress is assessed. Students, regardless of special needs and gifts, deserve to be supported in a manner that fosters success for them.

Exposure to diverse perspectives: Students should be exposed to and have opportunities to engage with others who think differently, have different life experiences, and approach life in unique ways. Learning needs to be embedded in context and be rich with opportunities to explore and develop unique ideas and perspectives. Students should be encouraged to appreciate other ways of thinking and varied viewpoints.

Access to arts, sports, clubs, and other extracurricular activities: Students need multiple places to belong and varied opportunities to develop skills beyond academics. They deserve access to informal opportunities to make friends and learn to work and play productively with others. Students should have places beyond the classroom where they feel connected and belong.

Well-prepared and supported staff: Teachers and other staff need access to rich resources and learning opportunities to develop the skills necessary to prepare today’s students for a world of rapid change, unpredictability, and constant innovation. Compensation, working conditions, and expectations must support educators at a level that is adequate and sustainable. Much of what is worth fighting for will become empty promises if school staff members lack the resources and support to be able to deliver.

Equitable access to resources and support: Adequate funding and facilities are fundamental to supporting opportunities and options for students to succeed. Curricular opportunities need to be rich and not restricted to certain groups of students. Mental and physical health services must be available and aligned with the needs of students. Allocation of resources should be based on needs and the creation of opportunities for success.

Fighting for what is important takes courage. The future of our students and our society depends on sustained advocacy for what matters and what will make our shared future better. We may be tempted to remain quiet and hope that the situation will improve. However, our students have too much to lose to justify our silence. As the saying goes: If not us, who? If not now, when?

Despite how positive and optimistic we seek to be, we can find ourselves pulled down by having to listen to what feel like chronic complainers. Regardless of the situation, some people always seem to find something to complain about. They may even appear to be addicted to complaining. Sound familiar? For these people, nothing ever seems good enough, they are quick to find problems, and they often ignore what seem like obvious solutions.

Of course, some complaints are legitimate and deserve consideration and action. We need to be careful to avoid assuming that a complaint coming from a frequent complainer is not worthy and deserving of attention. In these cases, we need to be ready to listen and consider their complaint with an open mind and give it legitimate attention.

However, responding effectively and productively to chronic complainers is not always simple. We hear lots of advice, but it is often contradictory. Some people advise using humor, while others counsel to avoid making light of or discounting concerns. Some suggest pointing out the good things in the complainer’s life or situation, but others counter that with caution to avoid appearing to minimize the significance of the concern. Still others suggest drawing attention to the frequency with which the person complains, but others offer the counter-advice of recognizing that the current complaint may be legitimate.

The best approach, of course, is to consider the complainer and complaints within context. Choosing how to respond depends on what we know about the complainer and complaint, our relationship to the complainer, and the power we may have to do something about the situation. Each of these factors can play a role in the strategy we choose for responding and the results we hope to achieve.

Fortunately, there is a five-step approach to engaging with chronic complainers around which there is broad agreement:

1. We can listen for the need. Complaints can be intended to meet a variety of needs. As we listen, we might ask ourselves: What is driving this complaint? Is the complainer seeking attention? Does the complainer want recognition or to be taken seriously? Or is the complainer looking for a solution and the support to implement it? Understanding what is driving a complaint can provide the insight we need to respond effectively.
2. We need to empathize and acknowledge the concern. We may not agree with the substance of the complaint, but we can recognize how the complainer sees the situation and empathize with how they might feel as a result. Arguing rarely moves the conversation forward or leads to resolution.
3. We can ask what they see as a good solution. We may find that the complainer offers a useful answer to move the situation forward. If we assume that what we are about to hear is just another complaint, we risk missing what could be an important issue to be resolved. If we hear a promising solution, we might ask what the complainer sees as some initial steps toward resolution.
4. If the complainer seems stuck on the complaint, we might nudge the conversation toward solutions and shifting their perspective. We might ask if there is another way to look at the situation. Or we might inquire about what they have tried and what else they have considered.
5. If the conversation seems not to be moving forward, we might ask, “Do you want my advice?” If the complainer is genuinely stuck, they are likely to be open to hear what we might offer. We might suggest some initial steps, share some ideas about who would be able to do something about their complaint, or we might suggest some additional options for them to consider.

The complainer may choose to do nothing to resolve their complaint, but they will have been assured that their concern was heard and taken seriously. Meanwhile, we will have modeled a process that positions the complainer to take responsibility for finding a solution, not just identifying and voicing a complaint.

We know the power of strong, positive student relationships. When students are confident that we like and care about them, they are more likely to listen to what we say, comply with what we ask, and strive to meet the expectations we set. In addition, with positive relationships, our level of stress goes down, we have more energy to focus on our work, and we feel more confident in trying new strategies, even if they may not initially be perfect.

Yet, the truth is that there are students with whom we may not connect, who press our buttons, and who we may just simply not like very much. Still, we have a responsibility to accept, support, and care for each student regardless of our private feelings.

The source of our struggle with some students likely varies depending on circumstance and the individual student. Researchers point to at least four potential causes of when we find ourselves challenged to like someone, in this case a student.

The student may remind us of someone else. Our relationship and experience with the other person can color our perceptions about and feelings toward the student. This phenomenon is known as transference. Often, we are not even aware of the presence of transference. When we experience strong negative feelings about a student that are not directly connected to any specific behavior, we need to stop and ask ourselves what is happening and whether our assumptions and perceptions may be playing a role.

We also may be responding to signals we are receiving from the student indicating that they do not like us. Consequently, we may find ourselves not liking the student in return. Unfortunately, our responding in kind will make the situation worse. The student may feel they have reason to dislike us even more, and we will face even greater challenges in building a positive and productive relationship.

We may be reacting to our own life experience. We may have grown up in a family where certain behaviors and attitudes were strongly rejected, or we might have experienced harsh treatment and learned to manage our responses in ways that allowed us to avoid disapproval and other negative responses. Now, as adults, we can harbor feelings and expectations that have roots in our experiences during childhood and adolescence. When students behave in a manner that is not consistent with what we were taught as “proper,” we may struggle to relate to and understand them.

We may be projecting feelings about ourselves. We might struggle to manage our own anger, and consequently, we may respond with greater emotion to a student who fails to control their anger. Or we may have grown up in a family that struggled financially, and as a result, we might find it difficult to connect with students whose families have substantial financial resources.

The question, of course, is how we can overcome the relationship barriers we face. Here are five questions to consider when we struggle to form a relationship with a student:

• What is behind the feelings I am experiencing? Might one of the four challenges discussed above be at play? Is there something about the situation that I must own? Awareness is the first step to finding a productive path forward.
• What might I be assuming about this student or situation that I need to examine? Is what bothers me valid, or am I projecting my feelings and history on the student? Choosing to assume positive intentions and suspending judgment can open the door to exploring and building a relationship.
• Is there something about the student with which I can relate? Finding even one aspect of the student we can admire, embrace, support, or nurture can open the door to seeing the student differently.
• Who seems to have a strong relationship with this student? We can check with colleagues to gain their perspective. It may be that others do not share our perception and can offer valuable insights to help us move beyond our assumptions and projections.
• What steps might I take to move beyond my feelings about and perceptions of this student? Committing to take on the challenge of forming a relationship can lead to the development of new skills and offer the opportunity to let go of feelings and perceptions that get in the way of this and other relationships.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” – Wayne W. Dyer

The first days of a new school year are typically filled with anticipation and excitement—and some nervousness. As teachers, we are engaged in a new beginning. We have an agenda and a plan, and we can shape the path that lies ahead.

Students experience many of the same feelings. However, they have less control over what lies ahead and thus feel even more uncertainty about what the experience will be like. Consequently, they come with many questions, even if they may not ask them explicitly.

As we think about the first days of the new year, we might consider the questions students will have so that we can think about how we will answer them in ways that set a positive tone and preview an attractive, meaningful, and reassuring start to their learning journey. Here are six questions we can be sure are on students’ minds and to which they are hoping for answers.

“Is my teacher interested in me?” For students we have not had in the past, the first week of school is too early to have a relationship, but students will be looking for clues to discern whether a positive relationship is likely. Do we greet students as they arrive in our classroom? Do we make eye contact and notice their presence? Is it obvious that we are committed to learning their names? Are we interested in learning something about them?

“Do I feel like I am accepted and belong?” We might plan some community-building activities to help students reconnect with existing friends and discover potential new friends. We can share the classroom behavior norms and rules, including the reasons behind them. Even better, we can engage students in the discussion and development of norms and behavior expectations. When we do, they will be more likely to feel ownership of and accept and abide by what is decided. Remember: Students will be asking themselves whether they can be themselves or if they must monitor and modify their behavior to fit in.

“What is expected of me?” Students are likely to want to know if they will be expected to sit and listen, or if they will be invited and encouraged to contribute ideas, insights, and experiences. Will learning be directed or co-constructed? We can share examples of how we will design and approach learning tasks and challenges. We might share an estimate of how much out-of-class time students should expect to spend on assignments and projects. We should also consider discussing how much background knowledge will be necessary to succeed in this class and how we will help students to fill any knowledge gaps.

“What am I going to learn?” This is a time to “sell” what we intend to teach. Students will likely be asking themselves whether the content sounds interesting and how they might use or benefit from what they will learn. This is a great time to answer the “why” of learning the content and skills we will be introducing and nurturing during the class.

“Can I be successful?” To reduce our new students’ fears of failure, we might share tips and strategies that previous students have found helpful. We can assure students that we expect them to succeed—and believe they will. We might also share with students the supports available should they begin to struggle.

“Is this a class that I will enjoy?” The answer to this question rests on what students have learned from the first five questions. If students feel that we are interested in them and want them to feel accepted, and if they believe that they can participate and be successful, this is likely to be a class to which they will look forward and in which they will invest.

We only have one opportunity to get off to a good start. It is worth the time and effort to think through what students want to know and how we can provide the information and assurance they will be seeking.