May 01, 2025

Validation: A Powerful Force for Connecting

Validation may not seem like a powerful act. In fact, we may not give it much thought beyond a moment of appreciation in passing. Yet, taking the time to acknowledge the thinking of others, accepting their feelings, and respecting their experiences can have a surprisingly powerful impact our personal and professional relationships. In her recent book on the power and importance of validation, author Caroline Fleck asserts that the connections we make can increase levels of trust, improve psychological safety, and build a sense of belonging.

Providing genuine validation can be an especially effective way to build relationships with students. When we take the time to validate our students’ thoughts and feelings, we help them to feel seen and safe, reinforce their identity, and build emotional connections. When students perceive that their thoughts and emotions are accepted and respected, they are more likely to communicate freely and be more open to our advice and coaching.

Campus and district administrators should also be intentional and authentic when providing validation to their teachers, now in the season of Teacher Appreciation—and throughout the rest of the school year. Teachers deserve a great deal of appreciation, respect, and validation in addition to other things that would improve their well-being and job satisfaction; while many of those things are outside the realm of campus and district administration’s control, providing validation is not.

To be clear, validation is more than simply acknowledging someone’s presence or greeting them by name, although these can certainly be starting points. If we want teachers, students, colleagues, or others to feel validated, here are steps we can take:

Listen actively. When in a conversation with someone, give them your full attention. Making eye contact can go a long way in making someone feel respected. Resist fidgeting, interrupting, or drawing premature conclusions.
Offer nonverbal support. Nodding your head, maintaining an open body stance, and making other encouraging gestures or facial expressions can convey that you are paying full attention.
Acknowledge emotions. Listen for more than spoken words. Pay attention to their tone and facial expressions. Validate what is said with statements such as “I understand why you feel that way,” or “That makes sense.” Your responses can communicate support to the other person and make them feel seen and heard.
Remain nonjudgmental. Accept the other person’s perspective. Realize that respecting their feelings is not synonymous with your agreement! There may be opportunities later to clarify, rectify misperceptions, or offer alternate perspectives.
Resist trying to immediately problem solve. Being heard is often as important, as receiving advice, if not more so. Hold off on offering any advice until asked or invited to.
Don’t take over. Give others space until they invite your input. Let them know that you are there for them when they want to share or need assistance.
Reinforce their strengths. Remind the person of their coping skills and capacities. Share your confidence in their abilities.

Validation can also play a helpful role in conflict. Many of the same behaviors that convey validation in relationships can reduce tension and improve communication during times of tension and disagreement. When someone is upset, their abilities to focus, think, and problem solve are reduced. They become more likely to respond with “fight, flight, or freeze” actions. When we engage in validating behaviors, the impact can be lowered heart rates, reduced nervous perspiration, and eased emotions, among other benefits. As a result, students or others with whom we are in conflict are less likely to escalate their behavior, respond based solely on emotion, or experience continued distress.

Of course, validation is only effective when it is authentic. True validation is not a tool for manipulation or misdirection. People can often quickly and easily see through false concern and manufactured caring, which tends to make the situation worse.

How have you made validation a part of your relationship-building efforts? What additional recommendations would you offer for establishing and strengthening connections with others?

Reference:

Fleck, C. (2025) Validation: How the skill set that revolutionized psychology will transform your relationships, increase your influence, and change your life. Avery.