The Master Teacher Blog

Not everything that is relevant today is new. Also, not everything that is useful with students originated in education. An excellent example of this observation is a reflection process developed for healthcare professionals several decades ago. Despite how long it has been around, it remains a useful tool to stimulate and guide reflection activities. It is deceptively simple, but surprisingly powerful. The process consists of just three questions:

• What?
• So what? 
• Now what?

This question sequence provides a useful way to organize thoughts, consider implications, and decide next steps. The reflection process works by breaking down information into useful parts. It also clarifies relevance of the topic being considered. Finally, it encourages individuals to take action because of the reflection.

We can use the reflection tool to help students reflect on and learn from conflict, missteps, or misbehavior. Students might use this tool to understand the significance of their effort and persistence in the face of an academic challenge, or to help them reflect on and better understand their behavior in a relationship. Let’s unpack these questions and explore how they might be used to guide and support student reflection activities regardless of topic, subject, or experience.

“What?” focuses on the experience, event, or interaction. In the first step, students describe what happened. They isolate the facts of the matter by recounting what they observed. Students may describe an assignment or project they were engaged in. They may reflect on an event in which they participated. They may recount a conversation, argument, or something they heard. They also detail the role they played in what happened.

Our coaching role during this step of the reflection process is to have students be clear, concrete, and concise. The key is to help students begin their reflection with reality, not what they assume or imagine.

“So what?” engages students in interpreting, analyzing, and contextualizing what happened. In the second step, students describe why the experience, event, or interaction was important. They may discuss why they reacted as they did. They might recount how they felt as the situation unfolded. They may even provide context that explains why they found the experience to matter. Further, students might provide history of a relationship, a struggle to complete a task, or an analysis of their behavior. Finally, this step asks students to consider what they learned through the experience.

Our coaching in this step is to help students to recall what they felt, how they reacted, and what they learned. We may need to ask nudging questions to help students find their way through emotions, assumptions, and other distractions that get in the way while making sense of what they experienced.

“Now what?” focuses student attention on the implications of the experience and future actions. In the third step, students ask themselves what they would do differently if they encountered the same circumstances, challenges, or interactions in the future. They might draw on what they discovered in the second step of the process to determine how they can adjust their thinking and behavior. Students also may find that there are skills and information they need to learn to help them complete this phase. Depending on the situation, students may plan the next steps they will take to resolve the situation or how they will reengage in a project or task. They might even develop a script to use in resolving a conflict.

Our coaching at this stage of the process is to encourage commitment and to help students define, determine, and deploy the steps or strategies they will use to move forward. Students may need our insights and ideas to help them figure out what they will say and what actions they will take.

These three questions may seem simple—even obvious. However, when deployed with thought and commitment, they can generate powerful insights and lead to significant changes in thinking and behavior.

It's no secret that student attendance in the aftermath of the pandemic is a bigger challenge than before. Obviously, there are many reasons why students might be absent more frequently. Yet, regardless of why students are absent, we want them to feel welcome and connected. We also want them to learn and succeed. When they do, their attendance is likely to improve.

On the other hand, if students feel disconnected, that their presence does not matter, or that they cannot succeed, the frequency of their absences is likely to increase. Unfortunately, unless we communicate our interest, find ways to help students feel they belong, and continue to invest in their learning, the situation is likely to become worse, not better.

Of course, frequently absent students are a challenge. They create more work for us. They typically struggle to keep up. And their absences can feel like rejection, lack of motivation, and absence of commitment. As a result, our relationship with frequently absent students can become strained and weakened. We can even feel resentful.

Still, we need to remember that we are dealing with children and adolescents. They may have developed poor habits. They may be facing life challenges and barriers of which we are not aware. They may doubt whether they can succeed or whether they are valued and accepted.

We may not be able to change students’ circumstances or control their behavior, but we can communicate that we care about them, the importance of their presence, and our confidence in and support for their success. When we do, we can have more influence on their behavior than we assume. Consider these strategies to assure frequently absent students that they belong, they are missed when they are absent, and we want them to succeed:

• Reinforce that their presence is noticed and valued. We can make it a priority to greet students warmly when they return and assure them that they were missed.
• Provide updates using inclusive language. Subtly remind students that they are part of the class. Rather than saying, “Here is what you missed,” we might say, “Here is what we are doing this week.”
• Resist drawing attention to absences in front of the class. Develop smooth reentry routines such as resource folders containing information to bring the student up to speed, brief check-ins, and quick group reviews of recent learning.
• Remain focused on moving forward. Casting blame and forcing guilt-laden conversations are not likely to make a positive difference in behavior. Concentrate on what can be done now and what’s next.
• Create some small wins. Look for opportunities to help students reengage and feel success. Search for what students already know and can build on. Modified tasks, manageable choices, or low-stakes activities can help students to build confidence and reconnect with learning.
• Look for opportunities for students to connect with peers. Pairing students with reliable, supportive classmates who share notes, provide updates, and offer encouragement can make a big difference. Inclusion in group projects and discussions that are not heavily dependent on previous class experiences can also help to initiate or reinvigorate social connections.
• Build connections beyond academics. Invitations to help with small classroom jobs and responsibilities can foster a sense of belonging. Noticing attendance streaks and improvement efforts can provide important reinforcement. Discussing personal interests and other out of school experiences can communicate caring beyond classroom behavior and experiences.
• Stay connected during absences. An email or quick call with a message that the student was missed and that we care can go a long way. “We missed you today” can help students to feel noticed. “I hope everything is okay” tells students we are interested in them.

Without question, frequently absent students can be frustrating and create more work. However, placing blame and harboring resentment accomplishes little. Our efforts are more likely to yield positive results when we focus on making our class a place where students feel noticed, valued, respected, and supported to do their best. When students feel welcomed and that they belong, our efforts to address attendance-related issues become much more productive.

We want to stay focused, in control, and continue to move forward regardless of what each day might bring. Yet, consider the typical day in a classroom. Distractions, disruptions, and detours can come at us in a hurry. The press and stress of these situations can lead us to forget or overlook some of the most effective responses, redirections, and rerouting that can keep the class and learning on track.

The good news is that often a few short phrases and quick reminders can help us to remain in control and move forward despite the pace and chaos of the day. Here are seven pieces of time-tested, sage advice that we can tap and apply to avoid losing focus or momentum.

Seek to connect before trying to correct. Students want to know that we care before they are ready to listen and follow our guidance and direction. If we want students to respond to our corrections, we need to start by establishing connections. The truth is that our effectiveness in redirecting students is more likely to depend on our relationship than the technique we apply to correct their behavior.

Be curious, not furious. Students occasionally will do things that distract and disturb us. Our first reaction can be to become angry and upset. Yet, the truth is that student behavior is driven by purpose. They do things for a reason. If we allow ourselves to react based on how we feel, we risk missing what lies behind student actions and decisions. Doing so can make the situation worse, or lead to having to backtrack once we learn the full story. Rather than allowing our emotions to take over, we do better to inquire, listen, and understand before deciding how to respond.

Give the benefit of the doubt. We may be confused or disappointed by an action a student takes or choice they make. Our first reaction might be to be frustrated and accusatory, especially if the student has a history of poor judgement or misbehavior. However, doing so can lead us to assume the worst and draw negative conclusions about the situation before we fully understand. Consequently, we may miss an opportunity to support, trust, and teach. We may even find ourselves having to apologize for jumping to a negative conclusion, saying something, or acting in a way we later regret. On the other hand, when we assume that students act based on positive intent, we rarely find ourselves regretting our actions or having to apologize. 

Don’t confuse students with their behavior. Students can do amazingly frustrating and disappointing things. They can “push our buttons” in ingenious ways. Yet, we need to remember that students’ actions and their identities are not the same. Behaviors are choices students make. They can learn and grow from their mistakes. We need to value students for who they are, not what they have done.   

Think and respond, not trigger and react. In the heat of the moment, we can find ourselves susceptible to emotional triggers. We can react to situations without thinking. We might even feel as though a student’s behavior made us do what we did. Unfortunately, our reaction often leads to regret. In truth, there exists a crucial gap between a student’s action and our response. We can choose to pause, think, and choose before we act. This split-second decision gives us the power to control our behavior and respond with better judgement and a more effective response.

De-escalate before trying to educate. Hearing and responding effectively is especially difficult when emotions are high. Trying to modify behavior or teach a lesson when students are upset or agitated usually is futile. In fact, it can escalate the situation. A calm voice, offering supportive choices, and relaxed demeanor usually will be more effective in the moment. Once the student has had some time to calm down, discussion about what happened, what needs to be learned, and planning for the future will be better received and more effective.

Leverage expectations to lift performance. It has been said that we get what we expect. While holding high expectations of our students does not always mean that everyone will immediately respond by accelerating their learning and achieving complete success, our belief that students can learn, grow, and improve makes a difference. Decades of research demonstrate that what teachers believe about the learning potential of their students has an impact on how they perform. We may wonder if there is a danger of expecting too much. Yet rarely is this a problem. In fact, the consequences of expecting too little are far more worrisome.

If some of these points resonate with you and you want to remember them when experiencing behavior challenges in the classroom, consider putting them on sticky notes and placing them in prominent places as reminders. Alternatively, some of these insights can be good mantras to repeat and reflect on as you prepare for a day that you expect to be especially challenging. Of course, some or all these nuggets may already be part of your daily routine. If so, keep up the good work.

Passive-aggressive behavior is no stranger in most classrooms. Students can be highly skilled in the practices of avoiding responsibility, deflecting blame, and making empty promises. Deep sighs, rolling eyes, blank looks, and sarcasm provide nonverbal clues to this often frustrating and discouraging behavior. Rather than engaging, accepting responsibility, and following through, these students shift their energy toward finding ways to take little or no action, while trying to assign ownership for their behavior to others.

Fortunately, there are several steps we can take and strategies we can use to counter and limit passive aggressive behaviors, but first we need to understand the reasons and needs driving the behavior. What we are seeing may be a desire to avoid conflict, evidence of low self-confidence, or the presence of hostility, anger, or resentment. We may even be seeing evidence of a lack of skills or courage to speak up.

Our knowledge of our students and our relationship with them can often give us clues to the causes of passive-aggressive behavior. We might reflect on recent events that are creating the emotions reflected in a student’s behavior. Of course, we might have a conversation with the student to fill in the gaps in our understanding. When the behavior represents a pattern, we might check with parents and colleagues to gain their perspective and insights. Regardless, if we hope to change the behavior, we need to understand what is causing it.

With this context in mind, here are a dozen steps and strategies we might consider and employ in response to passive-aggressive behavior we experience with students:

• Stay calm. Resist allowing frustration to become part of your message. Don’t provide an opening to have your emotions become the focus.
• Avoid a public confrontation, if possible. Having a private conversation can avoid having the student grandstand or play to an audience.
• Focus on your direction or request, not the student’s reaction. Passive-aggressive behavior is often a ploy to provoke a response.
• Stick to what you observe. Start with something like “I noticed a shift in your (body language, facial expression, or another behavior).” If denial is the response, let it go for the moment. Planting a seed can be a start.
• Resist making the student’s motive or interpretation the focus. Respond with something like “You seem to be frustrated. Is there something you want to talk about?”
• Avoid accusations. Stick to “I” statements such as “I am confused by your promising to do something and then not following through.”
• Practice active listening. Avoid interrupting or talking over the student. Focus on what is not said as intently as what is said.
• Seek solutions rather than winning. Trying to exert overt pressure or reverting to formal power can result in escalation of the situation. Focusing on the underlying issue or issues is likely to be more productive.
• Reinforce positive, responsible behaviors. Teach students to practice accountability and responsibility. Acknowledge and encourage students when they express their emotions constructively and accept responsibility for their decisions.
• Create an environment where open communication is valued and protected. Encourage students to be open about their thoughts, concerns, and needs.
• Establish consistent behavior expectations. Limits concerning disrespect and other unacceptable behavior can provide important structure to support open communication.
• Reach out if you need more support. Administrators and other support staff can often provide important insights, options, and strategies in response to student needs and behaviors.

Passive-aggressive behavior can be challenging since it often feels disrespectful and leaves us frustrated and angry. However, with practice and the right strategies, we can help students to learn and practice behaviors that are more productive for them and less troublesome for us.

It is inevitable that, on occasion, students will become upset and lose control of their emotions. The student may become disrespectful, distraught, angry, or unruly. Of course, there is a reason for the behavior, even if we are not aware of the cause at the time. Our challenge is to respond and de-escalate the situation in a manner that keeps everyone safe and that supports the student in regaining control. We can work on identifying and addressing the cause of the behavior later.  

We may be tempted to exert force, push the student to calm down, and demand that they comply with our directives. Unfortunately, relying on authority and power in these circumstances rarely works, and in most cases, pushing back on the behavior makes the situation worse.  

Admittedly, not every situation in which students lose control of their emotions will be the same. Yet, there are several strategies we can apply to de-escalate student emotional outbursts regardless of the specific circumstances. Note: If we are concerned about the safety of the student, classmates, or ourselves, we need to summon assistance immediately.  

In most circumstances, this seven-step process can help us to dissipate emotional outbursts, position us to help students return to a state of emotional control, and prepare them to better manage similar situations in the future.  

1. Remain calm. Our behavior will play a crucial role in whether the situation escalates or levels out and begins to dissipate. A calm, non-threatening posture and empathetic tone can minimize the probability that the student’s emotions will continue to escalate. On the other hand, attempts to exert physical control are likely to result in a power struggle that may become dangerous for the student and us.  

2. Make a connection. Our influence in the situation goes up dramatically if the student sees our response as caring and trying to help. We might say things like “I understand that you’re upset,” “I can see that this situation is bothering you. Let me help,” or “Let’s find a way to help you get what you need.” This is also a time to listen without attempting to interrupt or downplay the significance of what the student is feeling. 

3. Offer a choice. Rather than directing the student to take a specific action, we might present them with some options. We might say, “You may sit here or go over to the study area,” or ask, “Would you rather stay with the group or read by yourself?” If we know what is likely to be calming for the student—drawing, coloring, putting their head down on their desk—we might offer that activity as an option. Offering choices can have the effect of reminding the student that they have some control in the situation.  

4. Provide space and time. If we attempt to pressure the student to calm down, comply with our directive, or threaten consequences, we can trigger a fight-or-flight response that escalates the situation. Instead, we might offer the opportunity for the student to take a break, think, and calm down. However, we need to careful not to present the offer of time and space as a punishment, such as a time-out, or we can anticipate pushback and escalation. 

5. Signal that you will talk later. We might tell the student that we will discuss the situation when everyone has had a chance to calm down. If we push to discuss the situation while the student is still upset, we will likely face pushback. Meanwhile, announcing that you will discuss the situation later signals to the student and other members of the class that you are not ignoring the situation. You plan to address the matter at a more appropriate and productive time.  

6. Develop a plan. Once the student is calm and both of you have had some time to think and reflect, it is time to develop a plan with the student for what will happen the next time the student becomes stressed and loses control. We might discuss coping strategies the student can tap and contingency plans for when they feel they are in danger of losing control. We might also explore what they want from us when they are losing or have lost control.  

7. Consider assigning consequences, if appropriate. Depending on the nature of the crisis, behavior of the student, and the level of disruption caused, we may need to consider consequences. If so, we must be certain that they are measured and responsive to what happened. If practical, they might be restorative by providing a service to the class, assisting us with a task or project, or another activity that preserves dignity and helps the student reenter the classroom community.  

Obviously, the nature of situations and the specific behavior of out-of-control students will vary. Not every suggestion will apply in every situation. The crisis cycle can vary in length. Everything may be over in a matter of minutes, or final resolution may take hours. The key is to be calm, flexible, and focused on keeping everyone safe, and to remain ready to respond as the student makes their way through the crisis.  

Occasionally, our students may pay less attention to our direction and respond less to our discipline than we expect. Of course, we are all well aware that student behavior can vary in response to several forces and factors. The time of the year and proximity to calendar breaks can have an impact. Special events and occasions in their personal lives can also be distractions.

However, when we account for these elements, and any others we might factor in, and still find that students are not responding as we expect, we need to consider other potential causes. A good place to start is by examining our behavior and our approach to correction and redirection. Here are six common, but potentially troublesome, discipline approaches that are worthy of review and, if necessary, adjustment.

Culprit #1: Inconsistency. Addressing misbehavior at one time and ignoring it at other times can be a recipe for future misbehavior. Students seek predictability and stability, so when our behavior is inconsistent, they can become confused about our expectations. Also, when our choices to ignore or address behavior appear to favor some students, other students may conclude that our behavior is evidence of favoritism and even bias. The result can be growing resentment and increasing misbehavior.

Fix: Set only the rules and expectations you intend to enforce. Commit to addressing misbehavior regardless of the student, with exceptions occurring only when you have a good reason to do so.

Culprit #2: Failure to follow through. Giving directions and making threats that are not enforced sets the stage for future problems. Empty threats can lead to lack of respect and students ignoring established rules and expectations. Failing to follow through undermines our authority and diminishes student respect. As noted earlier, students seek consistency and predictability.

Fix: Resist making threats or promises in anger or when you are not committed. When you promise an action, be certain to honor it. If circumstances change and you need to adjust your stance or actions, be transparent about the reason.

Culprit #3: Excessive negative reinforcement. While we need to give attention to unacceptable behavior, we must also be quick to notice and reinforce appropriate behavior. The focus of our attention matters. If we spend most of our time correcting and enforcing consequences, students who seek attention are more likely to misbehave. Meanwhile, students who choose to follow directions and respond to our expectations can feel ignored and undervalued.

Fix: Be conscious of how much time you spend correcting and admonishing students. Seek a balance of time and attention in favor of positive reinforcement for appropriate behavior, good choices, and other positive actions.

Culprit #4: Public shaming. Writing names on the board, keeping track of misbehavior with sticks and stickers, and confronting students in front of the classmates leads to embarrassment and students feeling shamed. Shaming can lead to lingering resentment and become the cause of future misbehavior. Some students may feel they need to push back to avoid looking weak in front of their peers. Without intending, we can find ourselves having to deal with even more serious misbehavior in response to our approach.

Fix: Whenever possible, address student misbehavior in private. Distracting and disruptive behavior may require our immediate attention to redirect the offending student, but reserve extended discussion and consequences for a private setting when you can.

Culprit #5: Ignoring the cause. Behavior choices are made with purpose, even if students are not fully conscious of the reason. If we ignore or fail to understand the cause, we may be inadvertently reinforcing or escalating the behavior. Failing to understand and address the cause of misbehavior can make the situation worse.

Fix: Resist assuming the cause of misbehavior whenever possible. Take a minute to reflect before responding. When practical, have a conversation with the student to explore what is behind the behavior and how the root cause might be addressed.

Culprit #6: Overreacting. When in frustration or in response to other emotions we exaggerate or dramatize the significance of misbehavior, we expose the situation to escalation. Our behavior can become the issue. We can create hostility and engender a sense of unfairness. Of course, underreacting can also lead to confusion and assumptions that some unacceptable behavior is acceptable.

Fix: Use the gap between what a student does or says and your response to consider how much response is required. Sometimes “the look” is all that is needed. At other times, a brief comment or redirection is enough. The key is to match our response to the seriousness of the situation, but we need to avoid having our current mood drive what we say or do.

Obviously, most—if not all—of these potential missteps are familiar. However, in the fast-paced and distraction-filled context within which we manage our classrooms, it can be easy to forget, ignore, or let slip what we know to be effective management and discipline strategies. A brief review can head off problems before they grow and place us and our students back on track for behavioral and academic success.

We want our students to behave acceptably and appropriately in our class and school. We also want them to learn and internalize the value and worth of behaving in a manner that is respectful and appropriate to the circumstances in which they find themselves. Obviously, this is mostly a teaching-and-learning process rather than a shaming-and-punishing practice.

Nevertheless, we can find ourselves in situations with students where they are ignoring our direction or failing to engage in acceptable behavior. These are times to ask ourselves how we might teach, nurture, and reinforce the behavior we seek. There may even be occasions when we enlist the student in discussing and deciding the best course of action to take.

Many good options exist from which we can choose when we need to modify a student’s behavior. However, there are some actions that, while they may have been viewed as acceptable by or even popular with some, carry significant risks to our relationships and can have lasting negative consequences for students who experience them. Here are five consequences for misbehavior that carry significant risk and deserve to be reconsidered.

Consequence #1: Ostracizing.

Choosing to “freeze out” a student or have the rest of the class ignore and not respond to a student is a high-risk action. We can permanently damage our and the class’s relationship with the student. Being noticed, belonging, and feeling included are powerful forces. When we deny our attention and reject our connection with students, the impact can be deep and lasting. Similarly, if we direct the rest of the class to ignore and refuse to engage a student, we place their sense of belonging in the class and with friends at risk. This consequence, if enacted in the context of a student who already may be struggling with identity, suffering from trauma, or dealing with other life issues, can have devastating consequences. For students who already struggle to form and maintain relationships, we may drive the student away rather than achieve the behavior change we seek.

Consequence #2: Threatening summer school.

We may say to students that if they fail to focus and do as they are told now, they will end up having to spend their summer vacation in summer school. However, positioning summer school as a negative consequence can make it a dreaded experience rather than an opportunity to strengthen learning skills and catch up on content. Further, depending on the time of the year and the age and maturity of the student, summer may seem like a long time into the future and have little immediate impact on their thinking and behavior.

Consequence #3: Assigning collective consequences.

We might think that by assigning consequences to the entire class, such as holding them after the bell or making them wait and be late to go to lunch, would be an effective way to bring peer pressure and change the actions of students exhibiting unacceptable behavior. However, the impact is likely to be the opposite. Students who do not have strong relationships with classmates, or who seek attention regardless of its form, may find the experience empowering. It is true that marshalling the entire class in pursuit of a shared, positive goal can build connectedness and increase shared commitment, but the opposite is not necessarily true. Consequences shared by students whose behavior does not deserve it can lead to conflict and resentment rather than camaraderie.

Consequence #4: Predicting future failure.

What we say, including our predictions, can have a profound and lasting impact on how our students see themselves and their future. Out of frustration, we might make a negative prediction about the future of a student; even if the goal is to convince the student to work harder now and avoid the future we predict, we risk the student accepting our words at face value. The student may already believe that they are not capable of learning success, and our words represent further proof.

Consequence #5: Denying recess.  

This one is more so for our primary counterparts, as secondary schools typically do not schedule time for recess. Recess and other breaks from active learning can play a variety of roles for students. It may be a time to take the edge off pent-up energy and release accumulated stress from sitting quietly. It can be a time for connecting with friends and learning how to manage and resolve conflicts. It can also serve as a brain break, a time for reflection and making sense of what was just learned. While the consequence may make our point, it can lead to even less focus, more fidgeting, and additional acting out.  

Without question, there are times when students frustrate us. We can feel as though we are out of options for modifying their behavior. These are times to step back, reflect, consult a colleague, or engage another school resource to help us identify promising options and alternatives. We need to avoid having today’s frustration become tomorrow’s relationship barrier.

When a student fails to finish and submit their work, are they demonstrating laziness? When a student bristles in response to a request to engage in a task, are they showing defiance? When a student shows little interest in what we are teaching, are they telling us that they do not want to learn? These may seem like innocuous and obvious questions. However, what we assume about the behavior of students can determine whether what comes next will be productive or a distraction. Will it be meaningful, or will it become a fruitless interchange? 

Assumptions about the sources or causes of student behavior matter. What we assume about students drives how we engage with them. When we respond based on what we assume, we risk misinterpreting the behavior and even escalating the situation.  

Even though we may be busy, stressed, or frustrated, we would do well to inquire and explore the cause before we decide how to respond to what may appear to be unacceptable or resistive behavior. Our words and actions set the tone for how students are likely to respond, too. If we approach students based on negative assumptions, we are likely to see more defensive, combative responses, even if the cause of the behavior was legitimate and understandable.   

The truth is that how we choose to respond, and our corrective actions, are often more instrumental in how the situation will play out than what the student may have originally said or done. Let’s consider some examples of how student behavior may not be what it initially appears.  

• We see what we think is the lack of motivation or evidence of laziness. In reality, what we might be seeing is the lack of organization or belief in the value of what we are asking the student to do. Or we may be seeing the results of learned helplessness. Pressing the situation based on an assumption of laziness may result in even more of the behavior and damage our relationship with the student.  
• We see behavior that seems to signal a lack of interest in learning. What lies behind the behavior may be a lack of interest in or appreciation for the value and usefulness what the student is being asked to learn. It could be that the student lacks the skills necessary to learn what is expected and finds it safer to show disinterest than risk being exposed as not currently having the capacity to learn the material. Exploring the larger context for the behavior can lead to new insights and a more effective correction strategy. 
• We encounter a student who exhibits frequent disruptive and unacceptable behavior. We may think that the student is trying to undermine our authority, so we may be tempted to take a punitive approach to correcting the behavior. Yet, what we may be seeing is a defense mechanism to avoid the pain of failure. It might be a response to difficulties forming relationships with adults. Or, we may be seeing a need for attention, but the student does not believe that positive attention is possible. Unless we understand what is driving the behavior, success in correcting it will be difficult to achieve. 

When the cause of a student’s behavior is not clear or obvious, consider a four-step process to guide your response:  

• Resist taking immediate reaction. Even a few seconds can provide crucial time to consider whether you need to explore further or act in response.  
• Review the circumstances under which the behavior seems most often to occur. You may need to collect some data and chart instances and trends.  
• Arrange a private conference with the student to share what you have observed and data you have collected. Not all students are aware of what might be driving their behavior, but the combination of student perspective and data can typically offer some useful hints.  
• Use the observations you have made, data you have collected, and the perspective of the student to formula a plan going forward. Where possible, involve the student in formulating, implementing, and monitoring the effectiveness of the strategy.  

Without question, student behavior can be a mystery. However, the mystery is part of the meaning and magic of working with young people. Our challenge is to search for what may be behind the behavior and be thoughtful and strategic in how we respond. 

Reference: 

DeBruyn, R.L., & Larson, J.L. (2021). You can handle them all (3rd ed.). The Master Teacher. 

One of the most vexing challenges we face emerges when students respond to our requests, directions, or instructions with defiance. However, such resistance is rarely about us. In fact, in most situations, defiance is a response to what students are experiencing, feeling, and needing. Yet, how we choose to respond will likely determine whether we face a momentary distraction—or an escalating crisis. Fortunately, there are several steps and strategies we can employ to make defiance less frequent and disruptive.

Of course, our best course of action is to prevent defiance from occurring rather than responding to it after it does. Instead of waiting for students to resist us or push back, we can create conditions that make defiance less likely to occur. Here are four strategies we can tap.

An obvious first step is to build positive, powerful relationships with students. The stronger our relationships, the less likely it is for most students to push back or refuse our request or direction. Obviously, we want to have positive relationships with all students, but it is worth the investment to give extra attention and effort to building relationships with students who have a history or tendencies toward resistance, noncompliance, or outright defiance. When students know that we care about them, defiance will be a less frequent behavior choice.

Giving students choice is great, but involving students in planning, deciding, and goal setting related to learning is even more powerful. Students are less likely to resist when they play a meaningful role in creating their learning path. Defiance is often about power. When students experience power in deciding what they will do and learn, defiance becomes less useful or necessary.

We can pay attention to student needs and moods. When students are tired, stressed, hungry, depressed, or experiencing other challenges, defiance can be a “knee-jerk” reaction. Checking in with students as they enter the classroom, remaining aware of student attitudes and behaviors as the class unfolds, and observing how students are responding to requests and direction can often give us clues and help us to anticipate and avoid pushback and outbursts.

We might also make it a priority to notice and reinforce positive behavior, including small improvements and noticeable progress, especially from students who may struggle with their behavior. The focus of our attention matters. If a student can gain attention for positive behavior, unacceptable behavior becomes less necessary. If attention is what is driving the student’s defiant behavior, our attentiveness to acceptable behavior can satisfy that need.

The combined impact of these four strategies can dramatically reduce instances of defiant behavior. However, we will still occasionally encounter circumstances where defiant behavior will surface. When we find ourselves challenged with defiant behavior, there are steps we can take—and steps we can avoid.

Do:

• Stay calm.
• Listen without judgment, validate the student’s feelings, and empathize.
• Use “I” statements and avoid observations or commands that begin with “you.”
• Consider what may be the root cause of the behavior and respond accordingly.
• Meet with the student privately to avoid having them grandstand or attempt to engage the rest of the class.
• Present the student with acceptable options that sidestep the defiance.
• Give the student an opportunity to cool down by engaging in another activity, such as getting a drink of water.

Don’t:

• Take it personally or allow your ego to become involved.
• Become angry, raise your voice, or engage in threatening nonverbal behaviors.
• Enter the student’s personal space.
• Make threats that may escalate the situation, especially if you cannot follow through with what you say.
• Respond with judgments, generalizations, or accusations based on past behavior.
• Bring the rest of the class into the conflict.
• Put your relationship with the student at risk.
• Hold a grudge against, ignore, or disengage from the student following the incident.

Defiance can feel challenging and unsettling. However, we can tap strategies to prevent most defiant behavior from occurring. We also have access to responses that can lower the “emotional temperature” and help everyone to move forward.

Note: Some students who are intensively and frequently defiant may be exhibiting what is known as Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD). Certainly, these students will also benefit from the steps and strategies discussed in this blog, but they may also require more structured and intensive assistance. Our support might require a referral to and consultation with mental health professionals to ensure that these students receive the appropriate help.