July 24, 2025

Seven “Hooks” to Forge Strong Student Relationships

One of the most important and challenging beginning-of-the-year tasks is forming strong, positive, influential relationships with students. Building relationships with some students comes easily. We may have past experiences with them, they may be confident and ready to form a relationship with us, or they may share characteristics and behave in ways that draw us to them.

However, our challenge is to form influential relationships with all students. Not every student is immediately open to forming a relationship. Some students may lack the confidence or skills to respond to or reach out to us. Other students may have a history that makes relationship building difficult.

Consequently, we need a strategy that is broad and encompassing enough to invite, interest, and accept students, despite their backgrounds, experiences, and skills. Here are seven relationship-building “hooks” we can employ to communicate our care, demonstrate our respect, and create new connections.

First, lead with your heart. Students want to know we care. Caring counts for all students, but for students who struggle, have or are experiencing trauma, lack confidence, or are not certain they belong, our caring can make a crucial difference in how they feel and learn. Our empathy and compassion reassure and invite connections with students.

Second, demonstrate and expect honesty. If we want students to trust us, we need to articulate and model its importance. Our willingness to prioritize fairness, consistency, and transparency can assure students of our trustworthiness. Further, when we assume the honesty of students, we communicate our trust in them. Obviously, trust is at the heart of strong relationships.

Third, consistently communicate and encourage hope. Students want to feel our belief in them and their success. We can treat their mistakes and setbacks as nothing more that temporary conditions and opportunities to learn and try again. Of course, our hope and confidence are most important when students do not feel the same way about themselves.

Fourth, show your humanity. Sometimes students are surprised that teachers are real people who have lives outside of school. By sharing appropriate information about ourselves and our families, we invite students to understand and relate to us. Knowing our interests, our passions, and even our dislikes can be interesting and appealing to students. When we use personal experiences and examples to explain a concept or reinforce a point, we also make it more meaningful and memorable.

Fifth, demonstrate humility. We are not—nor should we pretend to be—perfect. Students often assume that teachers “know everything.” Consequently, our openness and willingness to admit our mistakes and learn from them can be surprising and reassuring. Our humility also makes us human and can facilitate relationship building.

Sixth, enjoy and share humor. Humor is a strong connection builder. Humor can break tension, relieve stress, and make us accessible to students. Delighting in the unexpected, appreciating irony, and even telling a weak “dad joke” can help students see us as safe for relationship building. However, we need to be careful to avoid humor that is disrespectful or at the expense of another person.

Seventh, look for ways to honor students. When we notice and value the experiences and cultures of our students, we send a message of respect. Recognizing and reinforcing positive behavior not only reduces incidents of negative behavior, but it also reassures students that we are paying attention and appreciate their cooperation. Finding frequent, small ways to honor effort, progress, and achievements communicates our expectations and support. Students are drawn to people who notice, value, and respect them.

Relationship building is important, but it is not always easy. We need good strategies and patience. These seven “hooks” can support a good start. What else have you found to be effective relationship building actions? Consider sharing your go-to secrets with your colleagues.