May 22, 2025

Five Times When Feeling Incompetent (Definitely) Isn’t Bad

As humans, it’s fair to say that we generally like to feel competent and confident. Confidence comes with knowing what is expected of us, and we feel competent when we know how to respond effectively to the challenges we face. Feeling competent provides us with a sense of comfort, control, and stability.

However, preoccupation with feeling competent can get in the way of our learning and growth. Wanting to feel competent can keep us in our comfort zone when we need to venture outside of it and into our learning zone. Moving beyond our comfort zone can expose us to risks, missteps, mistakes, and fear, and in turn, we can experience stress, feel anxious, and be embarrassed.

Still, we are not likely to grow unless we are willing to nudge ourselves to gain new experiences, try new approaches, and build our learning. We need the courage to experience feelings of incompetence if we hope to grow, learn, and move to new levels of competence.

At times, we may actively choose to venture into circumstances that leave us feeling incompetent. At other times, the conditions and context within which we live and work change, leaving us feeling incompetent and needing to change and grow in order to regain our competence. Let’s explore five circumstances in which our feelings of incompetence can be the stimuli we need to move us forward and lift us higher.

When taking on a new role. Early days and weeks in a new role can present us with tasks and challenges that generate feelings of incompetence. At the same time, these experiences can offer the freedom to explore the purpose and effectiveness of common practices and procedures. While we may ask many “how” questions, we can be free to ask just as many “why” questions. We can also explore different approaches and test common assumptions that later, when we have settled in, might cause uncertainty and create consternation among colleagues. Our willingness to embrace our feelings of incompetence and our commitment to learning can be the fuel we need to gain the confidence and competence we need to succeed.
When practicing a new strategy. Learning and applying new strategies can feel awkward and inefficient at first. Yet, overcoming feelings of incompetence requires that we persist until we gain the understanding and skill necessary for the strategy to work. Meanwhile, trying something new often offers opportunities to make mistakes without undue shame or embarrassment. We can take risks, examine consequences, and learn from experience. We can be free to try various options and discover what works best before settling into a preferred approach.
When conditions change. When circumstances change, populations shift, or teams are reformed, we face the challenge of discovering how we need to alter our thinking and practices. Assumptions about what works may no longer apply. Consequently, we may no longer feel competent in areas we used to take for granted. A new context can free us to explore new approaches, develop a new understanding of our work, and create new relationships that lead to learning and new levels of competence.
When learning to use new tools. New tools come with new processes and new applications and may even require new skills. Old ways of doing things may be replaced by more efficient approaches and new processes. Our lack of knowledge and experience can free us to explore uses of and applications for the new tool(s). Our feelings of incompetence can free us to ask what may seem like obvious questions without others expecting us to already have the answers, and we can tap the insights and experience of colleagues to accelerate our learning and build our competence.
When facing new expectations. Feelings of incompetence that accompany new expectations may present the greatest challenge. New expectations can leave us feeling that what we have been doing is not good enough. They can challenge what we believe and assume about ourselves, our practice, and our students. We can feel resentment and be resistant. Yet, new expectations can also be an invitation to re-examine common processes and practices. They can lead us to set new goals. We can choose to open ourselves to new ideas and explore new approaches. Our confidence and feelings of competence return when we realize that we are capable of meeting new expectations with the adjustments we make and the strategies we adopt.

Feeling incompetent may not be comfortable, but it may be the push we need to build our skills, strengthen our confidence, and position us for future success. The key is to see what we face as an opportunity to take advantage of rather than a problem to avoid.