Our Words: When Small Shifts Make a Big Difference

It's often said that what matters more than what we say is how we say it. While this is certainly true in many circumstances, when we want to communicate in ways that influence understanding and behavior, our words themselves matter. After all, the words we choose can open possibilities or invite resistance, instill hope or foster despair, encourage cooperation or engender resistance, or instill confidence or sow seeds of doubt.  

Unfortunately, many common phrases can stand in the way of our efforts to build self-confidence in and connect with our students. They can unintentionally leave students feeling incapable and diminished. On the other hand, often even small shifts in the words we choose can reframe issues and offer possibilities. They can separate what students do from who they are. Small shifts in language can convey our belief in students and communicate our caring.  

One of the most common language shift suggestions is to replace “but” with “and.” While “but” suggests objection or complications, “and” offers a path forward. Rather than signaling immediate rejection or resistance, “and” proposes supplemental consideration. Let’s consider six other common words and phrases and how to adjust them to shift focus, create hope, and stimulate student effort.  

Rather than “You’re wrong,”  

try “Let’s look at it another way.” 

This shift removes potential guilt and shame and proposes another way to think about a task or problem. It also separates the student from the mistake and opens the door to learning from what has not worked.  

Rather than “You should already know this,”  

shift to “What do you remember?” 

This adjustment avoids what may seem obvious and demeaning and instead focuses on activating prior knowledge. Students may know more than they think and just need a nudge to make connections and access what they already know. Further, this frame avoids defaulting to blame when our goal is learning.  

Rather than “You’re not listening,”  

try “I need to be sure that I have your attention.” 

The initial statement focuses on what the student should do without presenting a reason or rationale. The language shift presents a purpose for listening and suggests that something important is about to follow. It also focuses on the student’s behavior without suggesting a label.   

Rather than “I already explained that,”  

offer, “Let me explain it another way.” 

This adjustment sidesteps assigning blame and recognizes that regardless of the cause, what was explained was not understood. Further, repeating what was not understood has a limited chance of changing the outcome.  

Rather than “Everyone else can do this,”  

try “Let’s figure out what will help you do this.” 

Making an unfavorable comparison to other students is rarely an effective way to motivate students who may be struggling or lacking confidence. This shift takes the focus off other students and conveys confidence that the student can be successful. It also implies that we will be there to help the student find a path to success. 

Rather than “You can’t,”  

shift to “What you can do is…” 

Telling students what they cannot do is sometimes unavoidable. However, if we can shift attention to what students can do, we sidestep what might be a restriction and present an alternative that holds possibility. When what we offer accomplishes what the student initially desired, but in a different way, we can avoid resistance and maybe even enhance the student’s experience.   

Obviously, there are times when what we must say to students will be uncomfortable and restricting, especially when we need to enforce boundaries and reinforce expectations. Nevertheless, when what we say conveys our confidence and caring and builds connections with students, everyone wins.