Seven Ways Our Brains Lie to Us

We naturally want to trust our brains. Fortunately, in most circumstances, that’s a good call. Our brains are amazing things—they can sense, anticipate, analyze, sort, recall, and perform many other tasks. Obviously, we cannot survive without them.

Nevertheless, our brains are not infallible. In fact, the way our brains are wired means they sometimes don’t tell us the truth. When this happens and we accept what our brains are telling us without question, we can misjudge situations, make less-than-optimal decisions, and miss growth opportunities. Let’s consider seven messages our brains tell us that may sometimes be inaccurate:

Our first impression of others is the truth. First impressions are powerful things. Once we decide what we think about someone—something that can happen in less than a second—we can find it difficult to change our minds. Yet, first impressions rest on a minuscule amount of information, are likely to be contaminated by bias, and are highly unreliable.

Insight: Be reluctant to accept first impressions as accurate assessments of others. 

Our initial interpretation of events is correct. When something happens, our brains prompt us to make sense of it immediately, even when we are missing information or have big gaps in our understanding. We might interpret a delayed response to a text or an email as rejection, criticism as hostility, or a mistake as incompetence. Yet, our brains are often simply filling in gaps with assumptions. Unfortunately, the assumptions are often inaccurate and are more likely to be negative than positive.

Insight: Wait for facts and explanations before making assumptions and rendering judgment.

Confidence comes before action. Our brains tell us that we should feel assured of success when we take risks, try new skills, or face difficult challenges. We want to feel ready, capable, and certain before we engage. However, confidence grows from taking action, gaining experience, and building evidence that we can handle difficult things. The truth is that confidence comes as we act, not before.

Insight: Accept uncertainty and fear, but act anyway. Confidence will follow. 

Discomfort signals that something is wrong. Our brains tell us that discomfort is bad and should be avoided, but discomfort is just a signal. Sometimes discomfort signals that we need to find a path back to comfort; other times, it points to something we should pay attention to, learn, or adjust. Anxiety, frustration, or embarrassment can be the stimulus we need to take a risk, make a change, or revisit an assumption.

Insight: Be patient with discomfort until you understand its message. 

Safety is the same as security. Our brains are wired to keep us safe, conserve our energy, and avoid uncertainty. They are likely to sound an alarm when we anticipate a difficult conversation, face a significant risk, or risk rejection. Yet, being safe can also isolate us from opportunities and experiences that will lead to growth and success. The edge of our comfort zone is the place where growth happens.  

Insight: Don’t allow the urge to feel safe undermine your growth and success.

Being busy means we’re productive. Our brains do not always tell us if the activities in which we are engaged are productive uses of our time and energy. There are many ways to fill time, and we can feel busy without making progress or achieving anything. Likewise, we can feel exhausted without being productive. Without focus, goals, and results to guide our efforts, we can be tricked into valuing unproductive activity. 

Insight: Evaluate how you spend your time based on whether it moves you closer to your goals.

Helping means fixing. Our brains want to help us by generating answers and offering solutions. However, when someone is struggling, our rushing in to offer advice, remove difficulty, or solve the problem can be the opposite of what that person needs. Sometimes being heard is enough. Encouragement can be what is called for. We may even need to stand beside the person and help them build capacity on their own. Helping depends on what someone needs, not what we think they should need or can do with our help.

Insight: Ask what will help before trying to fix. 

Our brains are marvelous, but they aren’t always wired to give us the information we need. We would do well to notice when we need to question and hesitate before accepting what our brains are telling us.